funny website about the cubs

this is actually made by 2 die hard cubs fans. it makes a lot of fun of the w. sox and cubs as well.

theheckler.com

sample article in archives section. you need to see the picture accompanying this article :)

 When Sammy Sosa moved past Andres Galarraga into second place on the all-time strikeout list, he vowed to change his approach at the plate in an effort to make more contact.
 “I'm going to do a lot of things differently,” said Sosa. “But really I'm just going to use a wider bat. A FatBatä.”
  Specially designed by Louisville Slugger, the FatBat measures 11 inches in diameter and resembles a boat oar. Michael Trause, the scientist who created the contact-friendly swinging stick, says it should help Sosa reduce his strikeouts.  
  “See right here,” said Trause, pointing to the FatBat's enormous sweet spot. “This is five times fatter than your average bat. That translates to five times more contact. The secret is in the fatness.”
  With 2,597 career strikeouts, Reggie Jackson is the only man in baseball history to swing and miss more often than Sosa, and the Cubs' slugger is determined to keep it that way. When asked if he thought the new lumber gave him an unfair advantage, Sosa was quick to defend himself.
  “Hey, it takes a gladiator to swing something this big,” he said. “If I changed my stance or swung less, they'd probably get mad at me for that. But if I started taking too many walks, they’d get mad at me for that too. I just can’t win. 
 “It's okay. People can say what they want about my FatBat. I know what I have to do.”
 So does Trause.
 “Just put the thing over the plate,” he said. “If the ball is anywhere near the strike zone, you can't miss it.”

Dusty Baker calls Moises Alou his clutch hitter, but pretty soon, he’ll be calling him “MacGyver,” for his inventiveness in a pinch. Alou is notorious for maintaining a golf ball-sized lump of chewing tobacco beneath his lower lip. The leftfielder found himself in a tough situation May 19, when he was without his tin at the beginning of a game against the Giants. Faced with the prospect of nine nicotine-free innings, Alou panicked. While in the field during the top of the first, Moises’ found his craving unbearable. “He looked really bad,” said bleacher fan Ron Dixon. “He was shivering and sweating at the same time. It didn’t look good, so we had to help out.” Dixon lacked the needed chewing tobacco, but surrendered the next best thing, his pack of Newport cigarettes. Tossing it to Alou, Dixon couldn’t believe what he saw. Alou, a non-smoker, furiously attacked the entire pack of cigarettes—box-and-all—stuffing it into the cavity of his mouth usually reserved for chewing tobacco. Though a bit lumpy and awkward, the pack fit easily. Alou began to improve quickly as the nicotine seeped through the pack and into his blood stream. Though a bit thrown by the taste of the filters and the packaging, Alou was reportedly pleased with the menthol flavor of the cigarettes. “This is great,” said the slugger. “My mouth feels so fresh, I don’t need to brush my teeth.” When asked for comment, one teammate wishing to remain anonymous was quoted as saying, “That’s probably the most disgusting thing I’ve heard about Moises all year. Oh wait ... the pee thing ... nevermind.” Alou liked the cigarette-dip so much that he’s brought it into his daily routine, replacing his two-can-a-day Kodiak habit. Not wanting to miss out on a marketing opportunity, Lorillard Tobacco Co., the maker of Newport cigarettes, has introduced Alou’s Chews, described by company officials as “Chewable Newports, inspired by the clever Cubs left fielder.” Available in a much more manageable quarter-pack size than Alou’s preferred full pack version, the chewable cigarettes are in test market phase and expected to be very popular with players and fans who are unable to smoke and concerned about their breath.

The Dodgers have a better record :p