Not yet there isn't, but when that day comes, it may sound a little like this (warning: blantant self-promotion to follow)......:
THE AWARDS SHOW FOR AWARDS SHOWS Trevor Seigler
Live from the Dorothy Parker Grill in The City of Industry, we bring you the Awardies!
Every year, there are countless awards shows on every major channel all over television, honoring the best in film, music, theater, knitting, and television. But the awards shows themselves have long gone unrecognized for their gifts to American life. Now, with the Awardies (the Academy of Excellence in the Area of Awards Shows), we can finally pay tribute to the awards shows that we know and love!
Here now are a list of categories, with the nominees you have to choose from. Be sure to send in your vote before March 29, when we tabulate the scores and pick who America wants to see...win an Awardie!
BEST MUSICAL AWARDS SHOW (EXCLUDING THE TONYS WHENEVER ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER IS ON A ROLL)
The Grammys The Latin Grammys* The Source Awards MTV Music Video Awards Nickeloden "Nickies" The CMAs Peoples' Choice Awards The Vibe Awards Modern Bluegrass Limited "Monroe-ys"
* Note- this is a seperate entry from the regular Grammys. There has been some confusion in the past, primarily from those who don't know there is a Latin Grammys.
BEST MOVIE AWARDS SHOW
The Oscars The Golden Globes Peoples' Choice Awards MTV Movie Awards Blockbuster Movie Awards* Le Cahair Du Cinema "Frenchies"
* Note- The "Blockbusters" also suffer from lack of recognition, but be advised that they are real awards.
BEST THEATER AWARDS SHOW
The Tonys*
* Note- There is only one show eligable for this honor, unless the "Kennedy Center Honors" chooses to highlight the work of Andrew Lloyd Webber.
BEST TELEVISION AWARDS SHOW
The Emmys NAACP Diversity in Primetime Awards*
* Note -This show has yet to be broadcast. Producers expect to air it sometime in 2023.
BEST "PRE-SHOW AWARDS DINNER" FOR THOSE AWARDS TOO DULL TO BE BROADCAST, INTRODUCED IN A SHORT SEGEMENT FEATURING AN ACTRESS WHO REALLY NEEDS THE WORK
The Oscars* The Grammys The Tonys Blockbuster Awards** TeenChoice Awards The Emmys
* Note -There is a significant chance of repetition (i.e., having Sharon Stone introduce the segement two years in a row)
** Note -No awards from this show are given out prior to air, but there are a few in the middle that really drag on.
LEAST ANNOYING USE OF ROBIN WILLIAMS AS A PRESENTER*
* Note -No show thus far has found a way to tranquailize Mr. Williams, thus none can qualify for this honor.
GARRY SHANDLING AWARD FOR A HOST THAT MAKES THE AUDIENCE AT HOME UNCOMFORTABLE
Ellen Degeneres (Emmys)- Homophobic Midwesterners David Letterman (Oscars)- Conservative Midwesterners Conan O'Brien (Emmys) - Old Midwesterners Garry Shandling (Emmys) - Everyone coast-to-coast
"DEAD REEL" - BEST RECOGNITION OF FALLEN CELEBRITIES IN A TEN-MINUTE MONTAGE TOWARDS THE END OF THE SHOW
The Oscars The Emmys The Tonys* The Grammys The Old People Still Living Awards**
* Note -No one ever dies...on Broadway! ** Note -More a chance to rub it in that Mr. Patterson from room 221 isn't around anymore.
BEST BROADCAST TO GO OVER THE THREE-HOUR MARK WITHOUT A BILLY CRYSTAL "YEAR IN MOVIES" MONTAGE
The Oscars* The Emmys The Grammys The Tonys Tony Danza's Awards for Excellence in Being Tony Danza
* Note -Only applicable to years that Mr. Crystal does not host.
Thank you for your votes, fellow members of the Awardies Selection Committee, and look for our broadcast on E! (The Starved for Entertainment Network) on August 4th, 2005. The host will be Gary Coleman, and we look forward to hearing from you!
