DARTH VADER AND BOBA FETT, DRINKING BUDDIES
(Scene: Mos Eisley Cantina. VADER enters from door, followed by Stormtroopers. FETT is seated facing the wall, unaware that VADER has entered and pulled up a seat at the bar. VADER notices FETT and moves to join him at table)
Vader: Boba, is that you?
Fett: Lord Vader! Have a seat!
Vader: I don't need your permission, you bounty-hunter scum. (both share laugh)
Fett: Man, it's so good to see you! I was worried those damn rebels might have gotten to you in Cloud City.
Vader: Rebels? Please! I'm the freakin' most feared man in the galaxy! They only wish they could take me out!
Fett: Here here! (they clink beer mugs together)
Vader: Say, can I still be "most feared man" if I'm seen slurping this up with a straw?
Fett: Hey, I'm doing the same thing! And you'll notice how no one gives me hell about it. Say, what was all that business about Skywalker? You seemed real uptight about taking him down.
Vader: Yeah, that's a bit of a sore subject...
Fett: Oh, man, I apologize...
Vader: No, no biggie. It's just that...well, I told him I was his dad...
Fett (spits beer against glass of helmet): No shit! You?
Vader: Yeah, but that's not even the worst part. I tried to get him (Vader looks around hesitantly) to help me take out the Emperor.
Fett: Oh man, that can't have gone down well. You know how freakin' paranoid he is!
Vader: Trust me, Bob, I simply distracted Palpatine by doing the "Jedi death grip" on some lowly admiral, the old man forgot all about my "treason" (does quotation marks with hands to emphasize).
Fett: Yeah, the old man's really dense.
Vader: Now Luke hates me, all because I just cut off his stupid hand.
Fett: Kids today, they don't appreciate what we went through in our time.
Vader: Torn apart from our ancestral homes.
Fett: Forced to watch our dads get decapitated.
Vader: Or our Jedi Masters sliced in half.
Fett: Left alone to raise ourselves.
Vader: And all because we stop listening to that old gasbag Obi Wan...
Fett: We're the "bad guys".
Vader: Just you wait til Skywalker and his buddies get thrown in molten lava and have to be reconstructed as robots. Let's see if they're so "high and mighty" then.
Fett: Here here. (picks up beer mug) To scum and villiany!
Vader (raises glass): And free parking wherever we go!
Both: Long live the Empire! (clink, and drink from mugs)
Vader: Damn, where does the time go? I gotta jet.
Fett: Got a hot lead on Skywalker?
Vader: Nah, but the Old Man said - get this - "he will come to you"!
Fett: He's really lost it, huh?
Vader: Hell, the last time he gave me a good ole shock, it felt more like a soothing massage than fearsome lightening from the Dark Side.
Fett: I can't stay either. I got Solo in the back, Jabba wants him for display. I need the dough, the wife's been on my ass about a new washer and dryer. This should put us over the top.
Vader (raises from table): It's been copacetic, man. We need to do this again.
Fett: You know it.
Vader: "Luke, I am your father"...has a nice ring to it.
Fett: Oh yeah, imagine the Father's Day gatherings (both laugh)
Vader: May the Force be with you, I guess.
Fett: I never got that anyway.
Vader: I think it means "don't write a check your ass can't cash", but I'm not sure.
Fett: Ten-four, good buddy.
Vader: Roger that. Peace out.
The End
