I was looking for a job and haven't found a job

The thread for people* to post about their ongoing hunt for a J-O-B.

Today:

Left my resume and writing sample with a government agency 15 minutes before the deadline. I expect to hear back from them.

When monkeys fly out of my butt.

* Me & Rocket.

Yesterday i was supposed to hear how my interview on TUESDAY had gone.Promised a 2nd interview or word that i had FAILED by FRIDAY. You guessed....they couldn't even bother phoning my mobile for a DEAR ROCKET. Thanks for all their effort. Regards Rocket Mick

Work.Hmm.I really must get round to getting a proper career one of theses days.But i`ve been saying that for 20 odd years.

i happen to have two jobs now....why? so i can buy equipment for the band

Spike wrote: i happen to have two jobs now....why? so i can buy equipment for the band

Where do you work, McDonald's and Burger King? Or since you're in NJ, does White Castle employ you?

You guys aren't the only ones...(warning: Trevor is now going to try and force one of his unpublishable "humor pieces" on the community. Best advice is to skim it and try not to groan, then praise him to the skies for his "comic ingenuity" and pray he'll go away forever.)

KERRY CAMPAIGNING FOR DAY MANAGER SHIFT AT MCDONALD'S

Boston, MA - Former presidential candidate John Kerry has reportedly taken his defeat in good stride, and now has his sights set on winning the race to be the day shift manager at a Beacon Street branch of the McDonald's restaurant chain. Sources revealed Monday that the sixty-one year-old senator is lining up support amongst the elderly staff of the morning shift, but has trouble reaching out to the younger afternoon crew.

"We really think Senator Kerry can bring fiscal responsibility and a measured, even tone to the afteroon rush we experience every day when children are let out of school," campaign spokesman Mike McCurry told reporters while sliding down the Ronald McDonald slide. "He brings to this position twenty years as a United States senator, and if anyone can bring the uptight 'oldies' and the too-hip 'white rappers' together, it's the man who re-opened diplomatic relations with Vietnam."

Other sources are more skeptical of Senator Kerry's chances to unseat David Franzione, 38, who started with the Beacon Street establishment out of high school and has worked his way up to assistant day shift manager. "Dave has more seniority," an unnamed source told this reporter, "he's worked here much longer, he knows the ropes and the pressures that come with this job. Senator Kerry, on the other hand, I don't believe he knows the first thing about grilling hamburgers or what goes into a breakfast burrito."

The contest is seen by many as Kerry's chance to rise from the ashes following his November defeat, but some close to the former Vietnam veteran wonder if he is "fit for command". Already organized against Kerry's presidential bid, the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth have reconstituted their membership to block his bid for the managerial position. "I never saw John Kerry eat at a McDonald's in my entire time overseas. It was all French stuff, like eclairs," former soldier James Reardon said in a newly-released television ad. Fellow Swift Boater Ted Francis adds, "John Kerry has no business telling those poor ladies how to cook the Egg McMuffin. He wouldn't know his way around a cooker if his life or the lives of his crew depended on it."

Many in the Kerry camp see this campaign as hateful and untruthful, but they acknowledge the senator's lack of experience behind the window of a drive-thru cashier's post. "It's true that Kerry hasn't done much in the fast-food business, but he's a fast learner," assured McCurry, fully ensconced in the Mayor McCheese tower.

Others close to the Kerry bid fear that his controversial wife Teresa Heinz Kerry might be his undoing in the area of popular opinion. Early in the campaign, Mrs. Kerry reportedly told retired grandmother Estelle Beasley to "shove it" when the morning shift fry cook tried to explain that the hash browns were normally greasy. Some fear that Mrs. Kerry's outspoken nature on the topic of stale Big Mac buns might also alienate the afternoon teenage staff.

Manager Kenny Baker says that the decision is a tough one. "I mean, when a United States Senator expresses interest in serving on your staff, you're obviously flattered. But Dave [Franzione] has the experience required to handle the crazy afternoon rush. I'm afraid he has the edge there." Baker then pointed out a board listing the morning and afternoon shifts along with their preferences for the new day shift manager, color-coded. "The ones with red next to them, those are Dave's people," Baker explained. "The blue ones are for Kerry. Obviously you can see Dave's slightly ahead."

Aides to Senator Kerry say the early poll results are "crude" and "prejudiced by a lack of 'face time' with" their candidate. Still, at press time the Kerry camp was preparing a prefunctory "concession speech" to be given if the results do in fact fall in Franzione's favor. Franzione's people, meanwhile, credit Kerry with a "spirited campaign" and acknowledge that the former presidential candidate would've made a "great day shift manager".

"We're sure Senator Kerry will rise from this fall with his integrity and spirit intact," spokesman McCurry said from the saddle of the Grimace horsey. At press time, Senator Kerry expressed interest in positions available at the Dairy Queen across from the state capital and as night cook at a nearby Waffle House just on the overpass out of town. Applications to be a hostess at the airport Hooters, however, have been denied.

Your comic ingenuity is a joy, Sir.

Thank you, and goodbye for ever

:p (suckers!)

I'm looking for a job with my soon-to-have college degree. Too bad my degree is in English.

I've found the perfect job, in New York City. They're asking for "transcripts," Human Resources code for "bLuE oRdEr need not apply."

I'm going to apply anyway.

The worst that can happen is what will happen.

In all seriousness, what markets are available to a smartass like myself?

You need to leave Hooterville and head to the Big City. Wrangle an internship with Conan.

Support yourself with a job waiting tables. That way, in addition to the invaluable education (and contacts) you'll receive as an intern for Conan, you'll also be networking with a veritable plethora of playwrights, film-makers, actors, comics, screenwriters, authors, musicians, and other creative types who are also supporting themselves in their day/night job as waiters.

bLuE oRdEr wrote:

You need to leave Hooterville and head to the Big City. Wrangle an internship with Conan.

Support yourself with a job waiting tables. That way, in addition to the invaluable education (and contacts) you'll receive as an intern for Conan, you'll also be networking with a veritable plethora of playwrights, film-makers, actors, comics, screenwriters, authors, musicians, and other creative types who are also supporting themselves in their day/night job as waiters.

But all those Hooters....what would I do without them?

Hooters, now appearing in New York City.

Rocket Mick wrote: Yesterday i was supposed to hear how my interview on TUESDAY had gone.Promised a 2nd interview or word that i had FAILED by FRIDAY. You guessed....they couldn't even bother phoning my mobile for a DEAR ROCKET. Thanks for all their effort. Regards Rocket Mick

Here'e the only response I received, one month after applying for a position:

"To: Applicants for the JobThank you very much for your interest in our job. I apologize for the mass email response.We received more than 90 applicants for this position and we were only able to interview 5 of you. I'm confident that many of the folks I didn't interview would have done an excellent job.At this point, we have now filled the position.Good luck with your job searches.Jonathan"

Needless to say, I wan't one of the lucky 5 who were interviewed.

bLuE oRdEr wrote:

Rocket Mick wrote: Yesterday i was supposed to hear how my interview on TUESDAY had gone.Promised a 2nd interview or word that i had FAILED by FRIDAY. You guessed....they couldn't even bother phoning my mobile for a DEAR ROCKET. Thanks for all their effort. Regards Rocket Mick

Here'e the only response I received, one month after applying for a position:

"To: Applicants for the JobThank you very much for your interest in our job. I apologize for the mass email response.We received more than 90 applicants for this position and we were only able to interview 5 of you. I'm confident that many of the folks I didn't interview would have done an excellent job.At this point, we have now filled the position.Good luck with your job searches.Jonathan"

Needless to say, I wan't one of the lucky 5 who were interviewed.

You forgot one part of the letter:

Now excuse me as I go laugh my ass off with my collegues over your application

Wal-Mart is always hiring (Wal-Mart=American Communism)

At least if you don't get a concrete job you can get a blow one.

Taboo # 7 wrote:

You forgot one part of the letter:

Now excuse me as I go laugh my ass off with my collegues over your application

Wal-Mart is always hiring (Wal-Mart=American Communism)

Bwahahahahaha....

Server Error in "/" Application wrote: At least if you don't get a concrete job you can get a blow one.

I should apply for that one as soon as possible, then.

Again, Wal-Mart equals American Communism. You heard it here first

UPDATE: No news.

Rocket Mick wrote:

Digital Mike Binoche wrote: Allo Mick

Hi MIKE....sing J O B to JETSTREAM tune....

This the one you had in mind, ROCKET?

Job Scene

(It's only one more day)

Can you wait My resume will be arriving shortly Right there on your desk I pray that you'll be waiting right there for me

This time could be what We've both been searching for Our whole lives waking up I'm coming back for more

(Leave your application behind, we’ll look at it tonight)

J-O-B (J-O-B) You are so good for me (You are so good for me) You are my bread and butter You're how I wanna be (Just how I wanna be baby)

J-O-B (J-O-B) You are so good for me (You are so good for me) You are my bread and butter You're how I wanna be (Just how I wanna be baby)

I’m so broke I'm wishing I could live like other folk wish me luck It's been so long since I made a buck

Long Live Pay I just can't get enough of you I need that pay I’m gonna take you home with me

J-O-B (J-O-B) You are so good for me (You are so good for me) You are my bread and butter You're how I wanna be (Just how I wanna be baby)

J-O-B (J-O-B) You are so good for me (You are so good for me) You are my bread and butter You're how I wanna be (Just how I wanna be baby)

It was It was meant to be

(We will be including a bonus for this evening's pay packet. Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy)

Home with me

Da da da(...)

J-O-B (J-O-B) You are so good for me (You are so good for me) You are my bread and butter You're how I wanna be (Just how I wanna be baby)

J-O-B (J-O-B) You are so good for me (You are so good for me) You are my bread and butter You're how I wanna be (Just how I wanna be baby)

You are so good for me (You are so good for me) You are so good for me (Just how I wanna be baby)

But you're gone But you're gone Don't let it go Don't let it go If you don't try If you don't try How will you know How will you know

Da da da da (...)

Absolutely brilliant, Sir! Especially this line: Leave your application behind, we’ll look at it tonight.

Day 6: Nothing to update.

What wine is that in your avatar Blue ?

The contents of my glass is champagne; the content of my posts is whine.

Once again BLUE ORDER a TRULY EXCELLENT post.:D THE J O B SONG

Respect

I was looking for a blow job and haven't had a blow job.

This blue-eyed boy that wants to be wrote:

Spike wrote: i happen to have two jobs now....why? so i can buy equipment for the band

Where do you work, McDonald's and Burger King? Or since you're in NJ, does White Castle employ you?

nope stop and shop and a resturant!

Spike wrote:

This blue-eyed boy that wants to be wrote:

Spike wrote: i happen to have two jobs now....why? so i can buy equipment for the band

Where do you work, McDonald's and Burger King? Or since you're in NJ, does White Castle employ you?

nope stop and shop and a resturant!

Someone should send an email to AA Gill.

He's got to see this!

I had another DEAR ROCKET letter today.Well at least i tried....

Dear Rocket

I caught my neighbours wife in bed with a Brazilian Postman , what should I do?

Confused of Derby

As predicted, I have had no response to my resume. Not content to surrender, I reiterated that I would like an interview with them.

After posting shite here, of course. :D

Priorties, priorities...

Dear Rocket,

The voices in my head say "buy stock in Enron, it's a no-brainer!" What should I do?

signed, Three Years Behind the News, SC

Since I'm returning home to Filthadelphia for the summer, I need to be working, so, once again, I'm going back to work at Dairy Queen. I'm hoping my English degree (cue laughter here) will allow me to move up in the working world, but, because I haven't been able to score an internship for the summer, I have a feeling that my prospects are bleak. Kind of makes me wish I listened to my mother and became a business major instead.

Or there's always the option of drug dealing or bootlegging...

Now that Rocket's gone and found a job, I hope we can all see who the true keeper of the flame is. Somebody buy him a pint, 'cuz heaven knows he's miserable now.