Sent this to McSweeneys:
DAVID LETTERMAN, GHOSTBUSTER Trevor Seigler
Be careful with that, it's very expensive equipment. CBS loaned it from "CSI: Poughkepsie". Hello! Ladies and gentlemen, you think there's a "spectoral presence" haunting your domicile. Yeah, we got the same problem at the Ed Sullivan Theater, except Ed's not dead! Biff Henderson, everyone, lugging the electrograph up the stairs. You sure you're not in a hurry, Biff? We might need you to talk to the spirits later about who they look like.
Paul, you and the band take the upstairs. That's where your talent died! Rim-shot...these walls periodically bleed, you say? Sure you're not seeing things after eating at Rupert G's Hello Deli? Get these people a coupon, Rupert! Free coupon for half off a regular sub, or if you play "Will It Float" you can turn in the coupon for a little less dignity.
Let's wrap this up, Alan, I got a show to do. Paris Hilton will be opening up tonight, and also talking. Hello! The top ten signs your house might be haunted: number ten, you leave your TV on "Desperate Housewives" and it suddenly changes to CBS!...
Oh my, anyone hear that? There was a crash upstairs, perhaps the first signs of a spirit...no, wait, it's Regis! Regis Philbin, everyone!
Uh, hello? Hello, is this the ghost? His name's probably Kenny.
Well, folks, your house is haunted by the spirit of a deceased Indian who's offended that you chose to build on his sacred burial ground. We'll have him try and put the bear away later on tonight, and read transcripts from "Oprah" with one of our interns! Thanks for watching, and here's a lovely "Late Show" coffee mug. You might want to stay awake, this guy's promising vengeance. That's right, he'll force you to watch "60 Minutes II"...
