Pop Stars You'd Like To Twat

I was sitting in my favourite bar in Dinan earlier this afternoon, just enjoying the French life when RTL played Robbie Williams followed by James Blunt. My whole 'do nothing it's Tuesday afternoon' experience was ruined by those two bastards so...

...Imagine you're in a locked room with a baseball bat, there are no cameras, no witnesses and no comebacks. Which pop stars would you like to twat?!

Robbie Williams - What a prick! James Blunt - Jesus! That ginger tosser from Simply Red - Enough said! Phil Collins - Why?! That nonce from Curiosity Killed The Cat - Twenty years on and I still detest the man !

the lead singer of creed (and i'd rip out his vocal chords and stuff them up his rear end)

the lead singer of nickelback

lil' jon

biggie smalls, 'cause he's everywhere. oh, wait, he's been dead for ten years already!!

the lead singer of crash test dummies. actually, the whole band.

all of green charlotte 182

toby keith (i'll put a boot in his ass, it's the american way)

Easy!

Sealion Dion Mariah Carey Christine Anguishera Any other screaming female who makes 1 note last more than 10 seconds Bonio Rod Stewart and most of all.........Cher.

The entire Simpson clan (Jess, Ashlee, etc)

Keith Urban (annoying fucker that I can't seem to escape no matter what station I turn it to)

Diane Warren (the lady who writes the songs, give me ten minutes and a steel bat and she won't be able to string "love/need/want/return/go on" into a coherent sentence)

Bono ('Nuff said)

Scott Stapp (the Creed guy, Eddie Vedder on Jesus Juice)

The Moody Blues (an unessential band with unessential songs, all of which involves magic or getting stoned)

Believe me there are others...

Bongo for example...

...or 50 Cent, all of Coldplay (especially after the Kraftwerk rip), Usher, Nelly, Mariah Carey, Pharrell, The Black Eyed Peas, 3 Ofa Kind, Justin Timberlake, Daniel Bedingfield, R. Kelly...

Pause for breath...

Fat Bob Neil Tennant Depeche Mode

I fuck it they'll all do for me.

gone yer selves guys

Super Ally wrote: all of Coldplay (especially after the Kraftwerk rip)

need help ? I am with you on that one...

Mariah Carey 50 Cent that broad that sings "Without You" Black eye pees

Who said OLDMONKEY or JIM?

Sir Bob Geldoff

it's really hard to bring anything to this party, other than an extra bat and pair of Cat work boots to help out on those already named.

Did anyone mention Elton? Can I have fat Boy slim done in as well please, cos even tho he's done some great tunes, I'm sicj of hearing a DJ say "this is $CHART_WANK mixed by FBS" then hearing a CD plyer with a sticky disc for 10 mins. And Any DJ who's adored and treated as an artist. I know standards of intelligence and education are falling all over the UK and USA, and possibly elsewhere, but there is no excuse for deifying someone purely because they can lift a tone arm on to a record.

EDIT...can also suggest someone stands behind barney with a padded bat and twats him on the back of the head when he inroduces songs or any of those other little speeches warners write for him.

The Monkey Mafia wrote: FUCK...I just hit submit...and the damn list just vanished...

FFS...I can't be bothered doing that one again...but it looks like most of you have mentioned the people I would bash in...

except...nobody else would club Ryan Seacrest like a baby seal???

you may want to post to nool using "opera"....when NOOL pulls that little trick 9 times out of 10, hitting the back button bings up everything you typed, and you just have to click submit again. It's either than or hope NOOL fixes itself.

seacrest..... out!

one of the funniest things on an episode of my name is earl though, when he was teaching an ESL class, was how this one guy said "seacrest out!" as it was the only english phrase he knew.

I was giggling.

I don't hate many popstars...I hate people who love them though.

Michael Jackson Michael Bolton The A-HA-Bunch Bono

and some German guys which I guess you hardly know (Daniel Kueblboeck, Sido etc. )

robbie williams james blunt those creed and nickelback singers gave me the shits as well as they always seemed on the radio. michael buble.

Howza bout I just say anyone who makes the charts in America? I know that's a broad group, but I think they could all use a pop on the head for singing songs of banality.

Special Mention for:

any teen sensation any girl 'actress' who turns 'singer' that gal from the black eyed peas the comebacks of tiffany and debbie gibson boy bands trying to do 'serious" music boybands who convince themselves they are "nu metal, nu punk or nu *core"

That about sums it up.

Digital Mike wrote: Fat Bob Neil Tennant Depeche Mode

Fat Bob would sit on you first. Neil Tennant would break your ear drums with the highest note he can sing (it's probably off the keyboard anyway). And Martin Gore would probably tie you up first for some BDSM action.

anyone from 'Busted' or 'McFly'...

I'd probably like to club anyone on the US top 40 radio station - any rap artist (50 cent), trashy pop star (Britney spears), any popstar who was once on tv (Hilary Duff), or some bland rock band (Creed, Simple plan, Hoobastank). In addition, I'd also like to club any pretentious indie rock band or "emo" band - whatever you call it, like My Chemical Romance or Hawthorne Heights. They're all interchangeable. They all make overly dramatic lyrics about teenage love and have one whiny lead singer. Club 'em all.

As someone who loathes violence, canm I re-=hrase this question to "Pop Star's Twats You Like"???

I'll begin with ALL of Girls Aloud.

Ta!

Daniel O Donnel (twat)

Andrew Sayer wrote: Daniel O Donnel (twat)

OH JESUS YOU BASTARD HOW DARE YOU LET THOUGHTS OF THAT CUNT INTO MY BRAIN twatting him isn't close to what I would like to do.

Let's see...well I'd start by running him though an industrial crisp making line, to strip his skin, deep fry him and rub salt (oooh and vinegar) in, tho I'd PREFER him salted before frying sealed the wounds to be honest.Hmmmmm lemme see....then what about a shark hook, up his arsehole, through is prostrate, through both balls kebab style and finally hooked through his bell end....then tied to a long rope ( so he can swing out into the trees and Whins (errr "gorse")) behind a rally car and driven up over Moll's Gap in Kilarney. Then I think about 600 rounds from a salt gun to flay his skin and sting all at once and finally i think, dipped in a tank filled with dozens of fairly small but extremely hungry whiting (for those unfamilliar with whiting, they are half cod, half chuck norris, and will stick their amazingly nasty teeth into things 25 times their size with no fear at all...I have also caught them with no hook becase the thing would not let GO of the aforementioned 25 times his size bait)

Any advance on what to with this vile criminal?

(PS,....beware his MAMMY!)

(or am I confusing him with Ewan McLove in father TEd....is there a difference anyway?)

Robbie Williams Will Young Michael Jackson

too many to mention

Will Young agree with that. Craig David - very irritating Cilla Black - last week described as a legend on TV, but can you stand the singing? The Ginga Minga SIMPLY dREDfull Another Manc. - LIAM GALLAGHER

Looks like Oldmonkey's gonna get a twatting from Pottsy!!!!!

Tony Christie, just for THAT song! Crazy Frog...he's been on TOTP so does that make him a pop star? (or at least the bastard(s) behind it should be shot, in public)! Westlife....

Jet Stream wrote: Will Young agree with that. Craig David - very irritating Cilla Black - last week described as a legend on TV, but can you stand the singing? The Ginga Minga SIMPLY dREDfull Another Manc. - LIAM GALLAGHER

I'd managed to forget about Craig David, what an aggravating little bastard!

Jane McDonald that ship singing bint.

I always thought it'd be nice to hang out by the exit of one of those manufacture a wanker shows, and just bass each and every one of the contestants as they come out (unless they totally took the piss....but then again, that may have allowed the cheeky whores to survive this policy)

Chris Coldplay

...the curly haired meff

Pete Doherty

Further to my original posting yesterday, I would just like to add that RTL played Paul Young's 'Wherever I Lay My Hat' this morning...

That fucker had me thrown out of a bar in Covent Garden because I asked him (very politely) why he had recorded 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'. The twat said it was because the song spoke to him as it had 'soul' What a cock!

john kershaw wrote: Chris Coldplay

he's one i'd like in...

you get the picture.

michael buble, not because he's actually done anthing annoying, well he has. he has released some very annoying "music". the same goes for james blunt.

Anyone mention Michael Bolton yet?

This blue-eyed boy that wants to be wrote: Anyone mention Michael Bolton yet?

please don't

This blue-eyed boy that wants to be wrote: Anyone mention Michael Bolton yet?

I believe you just did :D

Incidentally, BTW, and not to put too fine a point on it, the UK Order is stillwaiting on an apology from you for trying to palm the fucker off onto us!

Too many to think of at the moment.....

Martin Gore ( Gore pronounced WANKER )

what is it with michaels?

michael jackson michael bolton michael blunt michael buble

all deserve a good smacking.

Angry Anderson needs bringing down another peg or two. eh Ron?

Martin Gore ( Gore pronounced WANKER )

I take that back, I mean he is hardly a star is he ?

AgentWood wrote:

john kershaw wrote: Chris Coldplay

he's one i'd like in...

you get the picture.

... a threesome with his pregnant missus? is that what you mean?

Nick 'fookin' Berry

Liam Gallagher James Blunt Chris Martin

Their Creepy voices go right through me

Barney Army wrote: Nick 'fookin' Berry

It says just Nick Berry on my album cover - it doesn't mention a middle name.......:)

john kershaw wrote:

AgentWood wrote:

john kershaw wrote: Chris Coldplay

he's one i'd like in...

you get the picture.

... a threesome with his pregnant missus? is that what you mean?

she is lovely, but i'd rather have him all to myself, thank you. ;)

MEN

Bono Any boy band Craig David Jon Bon Jovi Bryan Adams Elton John Rod Stewort Michael Bolton LL Cool J Marti Pellow The Rollin Stones Paul McCartney

WOMEN

Celine Dion Britney Spears Sinead O'Connor Enya (you can stick your pipe music up your arse)

owz about NATASHA BEDDINGFIELD & her fat brother.

isn't THESE DAYS one of the worst songs ever.

current pop stars are so lame they dont even deserve a twatting as they are pale imitations of the even bigger twats that came before.

donny osmond glitter all of boney m leo sayer david cassidy adam ant all of king cliff richard bucks fizz shakin stevens steve strang fuck me i could go on for ever but they all deserved and still deserve a being run over by a steam roller. but the one who really gets my goat,the one that i would honestly punch as hard as i could straight in the face and then jump on his fat fucking face till his head burst open like a melon and then fling the fat cunts lifless body into a pit of rabid dogs and have there shit burned after they had devored it.

chriss moyles.

oh i forgot,to say i also think hes a talentless cunt of the highest order,cunt.

mike powell wrote: chriss moyles.

oh come on, he's the coutry's number one Mark radcliffe tribute act.

1. Justin Timberlake (Timbertwit, more like)
2. Chris Martin
3. Liam and Noel Gallagher (for being arrogant asses)

Christopher Owens wrote:

Sorry if I'm being a stupid cow here but who's that?

Someone suggested Chris Martin of Coldplay. He's a good singer, come on!

Miss Disco wrote:

Christopher Owens wrote:

Sorry if I'm being a stupid cow here but who's that?

Alan from The Rakes.

Thinks his epileptic dancing is unique.

Pete 'horrific' Burns, and indeed anyone else who thinks it's cool to wear a monkey fur coat and then bragg about it just to get on peoples tit's.

cozmonite61 wrote: Someone suggested Chris Martin of Coldplay. He's a good singer, come on!

You are kidding?! I'd love to give the guy a good kicking now especially after that appalling Kraftwerk rip.

pop stars are pop stars.... they are meant to be absurd, no use in complaining about what you can't change

Bono and that Creed asshole are such easy targets

Sting... for pretending that he is a serious artiste for the last two decades... what a waste, what the hell has he done the last 20 years?

that dickhead from the band "Live", what a douchebag, hopefully he has faded into obscurity by now...

Super Ally wrote:

cozmonite61 wrote: Someone suggested Chris Martin of Coldplay. He's a good singer, come on!

You are kidding?! I'd love to give the guy a good kicking now especially after that appalling Kraftwerk rip.

To quote a line from Peter Hook from the leading article on this very website...

"In my mind, though, the worst-ever ripping off of Kraftwerk is by bloody Coldplay," he goes on, referring to "Talk," the X&Y track that baldly lifts the main riff from "Computer Love." "There was no thought. It's just a cheesy ripoff."

Wise words!

Of course, Chris Martin and the rest of the Coldplay gang cannot overshadow the legacy of New Order and KRAFTWERK. Are you happy now, Hooky?

I forgot about that quote in the interview.

Chris Martin of Coldplay - what a cnut...

"In my mind, though, the worst-ever ripping off of Kraftwerk is by bloody Coldplay," he goes on, referring to "Talk," the X&Y track that baldly lifts the main riff from "Computer Love." "There was no thought. It's just a cheesy ripoff."

Of course New Order would never rip Kraftwerk of would they ?

Digital Mike wrote:

"In my mind, though, the worst-ever ripping off of Kraftwerk is by bloody Coldplay," he goes on, referring to "Talk," the X&Y track that baldly lifts the main riff from "Computer Love." "There was no thought. It's just a cheesy ripoff."

Of course New Order would never rip Kraftwerk of would they ?

Surely not as blatantly as Coldplay have done, I'm all for taking influences and in particular the use of sampling but the Coldplay effort is just plain awful. There's no imagination or creativity used there at all. Worse still, now there will be a mass of IKEA buying, Jacobs Creek drinking, dinner partying, Coldplay, James Blunt listeners all thinking that the Coldplay track is simply wonderful. But hey, that's just my humble opinion. :)