FAO Angels

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.

Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

Dear Girls - you have just learnt the offside rule :D

But what if there's another shopper "interfering" with play?

Barney Army wrote: You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.

Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

Dear Girls - you have just learnt the offside rule :D

Unlucky for you- i've just had to go back to my office for something and saw this!

Don't mess with this Angel and her football, thought you'd have known that by now!

Fucking rubbish off side description. oh........higbury calling got to dash........i'll sort you out later

1. In the playground you'd have been maimed as a poacher before anyone played DICK to you ;)
2. MOST women (ie not the NO damaged headwronged hooligan type that frequent this online asylum), have as much NEED to know about the offside rule as a chap may have to know about which brand of tampon is best, which salon has the sexiest gay assistants or ANYTHING about tights,bras or hair care products other than shampoo and brush. you merely wish them to know about it in the hope that'll if you are stuck watching footie with a female, you have a much better shance of having someone to argue with in the even of an "unjust" offside decision (Whiteside 82...wanker) without having to go to all the trouble of finding another male.

Steve Campbell wrote:

1. In the playground you'd have been maimed as a poacher before anyone played DICK to you ;)
2. MOST women (ie not the NO damaged headwronged hooligan type that frequent this online asylum), have as much NEED to know about the offside rule as a chap may have to know about which brand of tampon is best, which salon has the sexiest gay assistants or ANYTHING about tights,bras or hair care products other than shampoo and brush. you merely wish them to know about it in the hope that'll if you are stuck watching footie with a female, you have a much better shance of having someone to argue with in the even of an "unjust" offside decision (Whiteside 82...wanker) without having to go to all the trouble of finding another male.

WHAT?

notwithstanding a few typos.... it seems to read back reasonably logically. Since you explained the offside rule so well for them, maybe a girl could explain my post for you ;)

i understand the offside rule in football, but i have no idea what you're talking about re. shoes and handbags, BA.

I have been asked to warn you all that Miss Bonzette will be arriving online shortly....wel and truly marinaded....having witness an arse defeat and in general not at all happy. THIS IS ASSUMING the local CUNTstabulary don;t detain her as there was talk of launching bottles.

I'm lost on the shoes bit but follow the rest. I'm not a footwear kind of girl.

In fact, if I could get away with it, I'd go barefoot everywhere.

Football is crap.

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Who gives a monkey's arse about the offside rule? Now what colour were those shoes....

Thanks Nick. I understand the offside rule so much more clearly now.

Tsk.

delilah wrote:

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Who gives a monkey's arse about the offside rule? Now what colour were those shoes....

Yeah.....and what shop?

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Ladies, fresh from Highbury.........i totally agree with you. Football is for Ang.....i mean hard people like the vikings!!!!!!!:D

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Ok, hardly shakespearian in it's epic depth and scope, but I would suggest this comment goes some way toward validating my assertion that chicks need an intimate knowlege of the offside rule like blokes need a cervical smear.

And those women who DO need it....already know it

Al Jarvis wrote:

Bonzette wrote:

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Ladies, fresh from Highbury.........i totally agree with you. Football is for Ang.....i mean hard people like the vikings!!!!!!!

You must really have the Wings of an Angel if you got down to Highbury after posting on here at 7.50!

I work next door to Highbury (as in 30 secs)

Bring it on Viking!!!!

She must dictate her posts down the phone for her Angel servant to post

Al, please..........all I said was the word crap! Don't shout at me

Steve Campbell wrote:

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Ok, hardly shakespearian in it's epic depth and scope, but I would suggest this comment goes some way toward validating my assertion that chicks need an intimate knowlege of the offside rule like blokes need a cervical smear.

And those women who DO need it....already know it

Actually you know what.........I just had a reminder from the Surgery a couple of days ago.......thanks Steve.:)

Al Jarvis wrote:

Bonzette wrote: I work next door to Highbury (as in 30 secs)

Bring it on Viking!!!!

Oh, I believe you. Only a Gooner could possibly have their head stuck in an internet site just 10mins before a game against a London rival.

:p

You know the score surely??? I never said i made the game on time, or that i'd been in my office leading up to it, just that i went back to the office to sort some stuff out....... Reading?- always the last thing on my mind!!!!

I dunno bonz, for a girl who was doing so much slabberin all night about what hell she'd raise on a drunken rampage through these hallowed fora, ya aint said a lot :D

All mouth No trousers LOL

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Wino - where's the pooch? was you who had the black big knight in your avatar wasn't it? my neighbour below is greifing out over my working on my fish tank!! got the bloody thing because she's so quiet and I need something apart from the traffic to listen to. pls., I'll send a courier over if you wouldn't mind.*** AgentW if you read this awsome leggy shot in your avatar. classic.***

ps got the shoe thing, analogies can work, by why bother? fun but why mess things up with unnecessary detail. it's soOccer so talk football/soccer not shoe shopping. and notice up for the most used- is crap quote.

delilah wrote:

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Who gives a monkey's arse about the offside rule? Now what colour were those shoes....

Red

i have no idea about what is going on here. if there is one thing i hate more than grocery shopping, it is shopping for shoes and clothes. and then takes ages to find anything that fits. I dunno why. I am fairly standard sized.

I shop like jeremy Clarkson.... walk in.... Shirts, need some of those....life one of each colour.....trousers...yes need some of those....lift 3 random pairs and so on. If I am warm, the clothing is good.

various people at various times have taken pity on me and despite my protests that they were wasting their time and that it had been tried before, taken on the task of improving my apparrell. The best attempt was Leanne who I got so sick of laughing at what I wore that i just handed her 200 quid and told her to fuck off and buy "proper" clothes for me. She did, and only conned me out of a drink rather than the full wholesome lunch one would have considered an adequate blag on such a mission. When newly vested in the "decent" kit, she scanned me up and down and said..... see ....you aren;t beyond help....beyond curing yes, but not beyond help. (a right bitchy thing to say....except she hates admittng she'd wrong, and she's also the first who'd attempted the task, who at the point of final review.....had eyes and lips that were in agreement. if you get my meaning.)

I often wondered if one of those taylors that record companies send ugly spanner bands to before awards gigs could do any good if i just chucked money at them.

In the absence of any real dress sense I have nevertheless evolved my own style...somewhere right between timelord, pervert and geography teacher (of course I am only one of the three....would any of you ladies like to come up to my room and play with my sonic screwdriver?).

Johnny wrote: She must dictate her posts down the phone for her Angel servant to post

Close....very close :D

Steve Campbell wrote: I dunno bonz, for a girl who was doing so much slabberin all night about what hell she'd raise on a drunken rampage through these hallowed fora, ya aint said a lot :D

All mouth No trousers LOL

I was otherwise engaged offline! Cheeky fuck!

Steve Campbell wrote:

Johnny wrote: She must dictate her posts down the phone for her Angel servant to post

Close....very close :D

You know it!

Al Jarvis wrote:

Bonzette wrote: Reading?- always the last thing on my mind!!!!

Am sure you said you were at the library last night?! Hence,

I take it West Ham started the anti-Tottenham singing, to try and get you lot to join in!

Or were you too busy going 'Ssshhh' cos you'd reached a good bit in your novel.

Wouldn't say singing as such!!!!

Al, i was so drunk i could just about read text messeages, let alone a novel! (although these days- taking a book to highbury is not such a bad plan)

Looking forward to playing in Division 1!

Bonzette wrote:

Looking forward to playing in Division 1!

By my calculations you miss playing FC United. In season 2009/10 you'll be in the Conference and FC will be in whatever 4th Div is these days.

Shame really, a game against them would have boosted your revenue

Barney Army wrote:

Bonzette wrote:

Looking forward to playing in Division 1!

By my calculations you miss playing FC United. In season 2009/10 you'll be in the Conference and FC will be in whatever 4th Div is these days.

Shame really, a game against them would have boosted your revenue

Erm..........was i talking to you?

Al Jarvis wrote:

Bonzette wrote: Erm..........was i talking to you?

Talking?! Is that what The Kids are calling it these days?!

Watch your step tough guy!!!

Al Jarvis wrote:

Talking?! Is that what The Kids are calling it these days?!

It's Mancunian speak Al

Bonzette wrote:

Barney Army wrote: You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.

Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

Dear Girls - you have just learnt the offside rule :D

Unlucky for you- i've just had to go back to my office for something and saw this!

Don't mess with this Angel and her football, thought you'd have known that by now!

Fucking rubbish off side description. oh........higbury calling got to dash........i'll sort you out later

so sol campbell took his ball home last night? great message that sends out to Thierry. possibly the quickest decline of a "good" player i have ever known.

Kershaw! I've actually started having nightmares about you!

Ronald Kirsch wrote: if there is one thing i hate more than grocery shopping, it is shopping for shoes and clothes. and then takes ages to find anything that fits. I dunno why. I am fairly standard sized.

i have a hard time finding anything that fits over my boobs. some guys may think it's all fun and games being big-chested but it's actually a pain, both literally and figuratively.

JW wrote:

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

Wino - where's the pooch? was you who had the black big knight in your avatar wasn't it? my neighbour below is greifing out over my working on my fish tank!! got the bloody thing because she's so quiet and I need something apart from the traffic to listen to. pls., I'll send a courier over if you wouldn't mind.*** AgentW if you read this awsome leggy shot in your avatar. classic.***

ps got the shoe thing, analogies can work, by why bother? fun but why mess things up with unnecessary detail. it's soOccer so talk football/soccer not shoe shopping. and notice up for the most used- is crap quote.

If I could understand your point, I would be able to reply.

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

I take it you won't be joining the mass street parties that are gonna happen on the night of Sunday July 9th this summer after England have won the World Cup then?

God ,i'm an optimist aren't i?!!!

Johnny wrote:

Wino wrote: Football is crap.

I take it you won't be joining the mass street parties that are gonna happen on the night of Sunday July 9th this summer after England have won the World Cup then?

God ,i'm an optimist aren't i?!!!

Probably. Don't mind the World Cup actually - that's about it. Sorry folks, not me.

AgentWood wrote:

Ronald Kirsch wrote: if there is one thing i hate more than grocery shopping, it is shopping for shoes and clothes. and then takes ages to find anything that fits. I dunno why. I am fairly standard sized.

i have a hard time finding anything that fits over my boobs. some guys may think it's all fun and games being big-chested but it's actually a pain, both literally and figuratively.

if you keep mentioning them, how can we ah well never mind, sorry. i'm sure its a lovely package.

i don't want this to come out racist, as i am not one, but it used to easier to find stuff that fitted, back in those days before just about everything got made in china.

more to do with the mass production aspect than shoddy chinese labour. they are supplying what they are asked too, which is sadly lowest common denominator sizing.