To have or not?

In the past couple of weeks, a friend of mine has been seeing a girl that he's had his eye on for a while. While it should be happy families, it appears to be a rollercoaster of emotions for him. Whenever I speak to him, he's either really happy, angry or sad. And they're always based on situations with his girlfriend.

With Valentine's Day passing, I figured that it was best to remain single, as you're not tied down to anyone or anything, and remain free to do what you choose. However, my mate argues that there's nothing in the world like the feeling of love.

It's got me thinking on the subject. While I can't deny that it would be nice to have a girlfriend, I'm enjoying being single too much. There's a chance I'll be heading to Donnington and Oxygen this year, while my mate says he's lucky if he can make it to one!

Ultimately, I think I've become too selfish.:D

But what do you think?

Well, there's a hell of a difference between a 'relationship' and 'marriage' for a start. I vote for neither!!!!!!!!!!

Voted relationship but one thing I know: much better being all on your own than settling for second best.

I quite like being single.I agree that it's better than settling for second best.I've done that before and i hope i never do it again

But how do you know that that person is 'special'?

All i can say is;

If you can't be with the one you love. love the one you're with :sex:

Relationship if you love each other. Otherwise single.

Both are good, in different ways.

"Digital Mike Binoche" wrote: All i can say is;

If you can't be with the one you love. love the one you're with :sex:

That's bullshit, Mr Mod

"Digital Mike Binoche" wrote: All i can say is;

If you can't be with the one you love. love the one you're with :sex:

Haven't you got some moderating to do Mike? I couldn't decide whether to laugh in a sarcastic manner, or .....or....? Dunno. What a load of twaddle. Moderate away.

"Digital Mike Binoche" wrote: All i can say is;

If you can't be with the one you love. love the one you're with :sex:

sounds like yer settling for second best there

Ouch!

"Digital Mike Binoche" wrote: All i can say is;

If you can't be with the one you love. love the one you're with :sex:

Sounds like a recipe for bitterness if you ask me.

I'm quite happy being single. i would like to be in a relationship againe, but settling for second best, is not something i'm prepared to do. if i'd done that i would probably have been divorced three times already.

edit. i should add that i'm not looking for miss perfect, nobody is, just someone who is perfect for me.

Christopher Owens wrote: But how do you know that that person is 'special'?

Wino wrote: Ouch!

"ouch" ? fallen over drunk?

Christopher Owens wrote: But how do you know that that person is 'special'?

Coming out of semi-retirement for this one...

Chris, I wish I could offer some mathematical equation in answer to your question, but I can't.

You just know.

Not yet, but no doubt I will be. Well, that's the intention anyway. I don't fall over Johnny, I trip in a ladylike manner! Well I do when all the trousers I buy tend to be made for a female in excess of 6ft high, but that's another tale........... 'Ouch' in a sort of semi serious mode - these 'modes' don't last for too long, so don't fret!

Harmony restored......well, glass refilled = same difference.

Alpine Angel wrote:

Christopher Owens wrote: But how do you know that that person is 'special'?

Coming out of semi-retirement for this one...

Chris, I wish I could offer some mathematical equation in answer to your question, but I can't.

You just know.

You THINK you know. You HOPE you know. You CAN be wrong!:\ohwell:

Christopher Owens wrote: But how do you know that that person is 'special'?

You just do. Noone's supposed to know shit in the first couple of weeks/months I guess. It's cause we always idealize the person we've fallen in love with. But if there's that special vibe between the two of you, should be okay then. Tell you what matey? Once you've found that special one you'll never even find yourself thinking about whether that's IT or not. Shite, I'm too tired and not feeling quite alright tonight but I'm sure you'll get my point, lil' Chris. :)

Wino wrote:

Alpine Angel wrote:

Christopher Owens wrote: But how do you know that that person is 'special'?

Coming out of semi-retirement for this one...

Chris, I wish I could offer some mathematical equation in answer to your question, but I can't.

You just know.

You THINK you know. You HOPE you know. You CAN be wrong!:\ohwell:

Yeah, you can be wrong.

But I'd like to think I'm right this time.

Love is great. It makes the world go around. But anyone over the age of 18 who thinks 'the one' exists and will carry on forever, lives in the clock with the cuckoo - who incidentally needs batteries charging at regular intervals! In a sort of bizarre way Mike IS right ....but whilst in theory it's great, the reality can be an awakening. Not always a pleasant one. That IS life unfortunately. Bitter? Not at all. Just middle aged.

Alpine Angel wrote:

Wino wrote:

Alpine Angel wrote:

Christopher Owens wrote: But how do you know that that person is 'special'?

Coming out of semi-retirement for this one...

Chris, I wish I could offer some mathematical equation in answer to your question, but I can't.

You just know.

You THINK you know. You HOPE you know. You CAN be wrong!:\ohwell:

Yeah, you can be wrong.

But I'd like to think I'm right this time.

I think you probably are!:)

Wino wrote:

Alpine Angel wrote:

Wino wrote:

Alpine Angel wrote:

Christopher Owens wrote: But how do you know that that person is 'special'?

Coming out of semi-retirement for this one...

Chris, I wish I could offer some mathematical equation in answer to your question, but I can't.

You just know.

You THINK you know. You HOPE you know. You CAN be wrong!:\ohwell:

Yeah, you can be wrong.

But I'd like to think I'm right this time.

I think you probably are!:)

Thanks!

Wino wrote: Love is great. It makes the world go around. But anyone over the age of 18 who thinks 'the one' exists and will carry on forever, lives in the clock with the cuckoo - who incidentally needs batteries charging at regular intervals! In a sort of bizarre way Mike IS right ....but whilst in theory it's great, the reality can be an awakening. Not always a pleasant one. That IS life unfortunately. Bitter? Not at all. Just middle aged.

Totally agree with ya. Lost alot of great guys thinking they weren't perfect enough to be the "one" and didn't give a few nice ones a chance.

Cath wrote:

Wino wrote: Love is great. It makes the world go around. But anyone over the age of 18 who thinks 'the one' exists and will carry on forever, lives in the clock with the cuckoo - who incidentally needs batteries charging at regular intervals! In a sort of bizarre way Mike IS right ....but whilst in theory it's great, the reality can be an awakening. Not always a pleasant one. That IS life unfortunately. Bitter? Not at all. Just middle aged.

Totally agree with ya. Lost alot of great guys thinking they weren't perfect enough to be the "one" and didn't give a few nice ones a chance.

Were they Vikings by any chance? Oh no, you said nice didn't you...............

Wino wrote:

Cath wrote:

Wino wrote: Love is great. It makes the world go around. But anyone over the age of 18 who thinks 'the one' exists and will carry on forever, lives in the clock with the cuckoo - who incidentally needs batteries charging at regular intervals! In a sort of bizarre way Mike IS right ....but whilst in theory it's great, the reality can be an awakening. Not always a pleasant one. That IS life unfortunately. Bitter? Not at all. Just middle aged.

Totally agree with ya. Lost alot of great guys thinking they weren't perfect enough to be the "one" and didn't give a few nice ones a chance.

Were they Vikings by any chance? Oh no, you said nice didn't you...............

Still trying to get Diggy to step in....do you think I need to be a little bit more................harsh, vindictive and generally PMT female like?

Wino wrote:

Cath wrote:

Wino wrote: Love is great. It makes the world go around. But anyone over the age of 18 who thinks 'the one' exists and will carry on forever, lives in the clock with the cuckoo - who incidentally needs batteries charging at regular intervals! In a sort of bizarre way Mike IS right ....but whilst in theory it's great, the reality can be an awakening. Not always a pleasant one. That IS life unfortunately. Bitter? Not at all. Just middle aged.

Totally agree with ya. Lost alot of great guys thinking they weren't perfect enough to be the "one" and didn't give a few nice ones a chance.

Were they Vikings by any chance? Oh no, you said nice didn't you...............

LOL.. this was years ago.. before I heard of the Vikings..

Wino wrote: Still trying to get Diggy to step in....do you think I need to be a little bit more................harsh, vindictive and generally PMT female like?

Maybe you need to start cursing.. go psycho.. start a fight.. that way he can "moderate" it..

I gotta thing for quotes today.. LOL

What? When you did history at GSCE? Cruel bunch, weren't they? Never understood it myself.....why do you think they wore tin helmets? There just HAS to be female there in the story somewhere......

Cath wrote:

Wino wrote: Still trying to get Diggy to step in....do you think I need to be a little bit more................harsh, vindictive and generally PMT female like?

Maybe you need to start cursing.. go psycho.. start a fight.. that way he can "moderate" it..

I gotta thing for quotes today.. LOL

Such as.........'all's well that ends well' and 'never look a gifthorse in the mouth'...a personal favourite.....or 'the grass is never greener on the other side'.... you mean quotes like that?

Wino wrote:

Cath wrote:

Wino wrote: Still trying to get Diggy to step in....do you think I need to be a little bit more................harsh, vindictive and generally PMT female like?

Maybe you need to start cursing.. go psycho.. start a fight.. that way he can "moderate" it..

I gotta thing for quotes today.. LOL

Such as.........'all's well that ends well' and 'never look a gifthorse in the mouth'...a personal favourite.....or 'the grass is never greener on the other side'.... you mean quotes like that?

BOL.. those are good quotes.. but I meant " " I like that grass is never greener one.. LOL

Wino wrote: What? When you did history at GSCE? Cruel bunch, weren't they? Never understood it myself.....why do you think they wore tin helmets? There just HAS to be female there in the story somewhere......

oooh.. you mean Lief Erickson.. yea.. very cruel..Im sure there were female vikings.. viking-ettes.. etc..

single can be great.

but relationships win, especially if she:

rolls your socks folds your shirts ( i actually iron them) makes a good stew. keeps the sink clear lets you control the remote. doesn't over text you

and...lets you watch the footy at mad hours, including La Liga.

ahhhhhh........blissimo!!!!!!!!!

J.A.K wrote: single can be great.

but relationships win, especially if she:

rolls your socks folds your shirts ( i actually iron them) makes a good stew. keeps the sink clear lets you control the remote. doesn't over text you

and...lets you watch the footy at mad hours, including La Liga.

ahhhhhh........blissimo!!!!!!!!!

How does she put up with you????

Single is brilliant, but i've gone for relationship- especially if you are with the right person.

The only thing i can agree with Kershie, above, is the football! Any man has met his match in me when it comes to the footy. I ain't giving it up for noone!

J.A.K wrote: single can be great.

but relationships win, especially if she:

doesn't over text you

tell me about it!text text text text ... too much texting !!!! stop it woman !!!!aaarrrghhhhhhh

yeah right Bonzy!!

my knowledge of Arsenal is probably better than yours!!

Isn't it actually the case that Christopher is struggling woefully with the opposite sex (dead giveaway: he likes Pantera) and is trying to convince himself that he's 'choosing' to be single. I seem to remember Adrian Mole being in a similarly delusional quandry.....

J.A.K wrote: yeah right Bonzy!!

my knowledge of Arsenal is probably better than yours!!

Anymore lip from you and i'll box yer ears off, bezzie mate or not!

I rather suspected that Chris was speaking in general, hypothetical terms on the cost of a relationship to one's free will.

not like the English to miss the subtleties of their own lingo.........

My mate from County Cavan, in the presence of 3 English and 2 Poles(all degree/honours/phd's), proclaimed the English as being the "worst exponents of their own language". The Poles fell around on the floor, the English argued it was nonsense.....AFTER THE IRISH GUY AND THE POLE'S EXPLAINED WHAT IT MEANT.

ROFLMAO.

Al Jarvis wrote: However, at the end of the day, you're twenty years old, Christopher. You should be fcuking everything that moves!

AAGH! NOBODY MOVE!

Steve Campbell wrote: I rather suspected that Chris was speaking in general, hypothetical terms on the cost of a relationship to one's free will.

not like the English to miss the subtleties of their own lingo.........

My mate from County Cavan, in the presence of 3 English and 2 Poles(all degree/honours/phd's), proclaimed the English as being the "worst exponents of their own language". The Poles fell around on the floor, the English argued it was nonsense.....AFTER THE IRISH GUY AND THE POLE'S EXPLAINED WHAT IT MEANT.

ROFLMAO.

Steve Campbell, the voice of truth and reason.

I am now single for the first time in years. I've always tended to be in relationships although i've never intentionally gone out to meet somebody to stay with it's just the way it's always been.

I broke up with my fiancee because i still want to do what i want to do and it causes problems. I suppose you could say it's role reversal, obviously there's got to be some compromise but i felt like i was being told off all the time!

As one of my friends said, she 'lets' her husband go out when he likes (not that often as it happens) and she knows that nagging is more likely to make him want to cop off. As it happens he looks at other birds but thinks well my Missus is alright.

ROLL UP ROLL UP,FREE SEX NOW AVAILABLE DOWN BOLTON WAY!!!

Yes but not to you! I have standards you know

NObabe wrote: Voted relationship but one thing I know: much better being all on your own than settling for second best.

agreed. i think many people settle for second best, as in 'ooh, he/she is gorgeous. best grab him/her!' when they have nothing in common and bore the crap out of each other. i'll wait for 'the real thing,' thank you. even if 'the real thing' isn't perfect. perfection is overrated, anyway.

Missy Jem wrote: Yes but not to you! I have standards you know

haha. Cambo: get your oars out. long paddle, but could be worth the row.

What's that song...

I'd walk a million miles For one of your smiles

Believe me i'm worth it

Missy Jem wrote: What's that song...

I'd walk a million miles For one of your smiles

Believe me i'm worth it

aw, you just brought a tear to my eye, Jems

Hand on heart.... I aint even read what manner of filth she's being accused of giving away.....

But...If I swam the north channel and walked down from scotland and all I got was a grin, a drink and an amusing insult, I'd feel it was worth it.

NOW...I'm gonna go and see what the filthy tart's up to :D

Ahhhh having just read the thread.....it was just Kershaw being a perv then...oh well :)

She'd STILL be worth it ;)

tho, if her first sight of me is of a footsore, heather wounded, exhausted pale blue guy (in me speedo's and all...eeewwwww!)...I suspect I may simply hear a small sonic boom and see a cloud of dust bolin outta bolton :D

PS...Maya...I'd trek to Belgrade for you too pet....but really....what would be left for you by the time I got there....I mean it's a hell of a swim down the irish sea, accross the bay of biscay, through the Med, and THEN an almight yomp cross minefields and borders and god knows what. the guiness in the Irish pub better not suck chick :D

I've never been in a relationship. Yes, I know that sounds unusual for someone my age (I'm 25) but I was always too busy with my education and I haven't been able to find a man since I graduated last year. In fact, lately I've been wondering if it would be a good idea for me to even bother.

Been sharing the same relationship since 1984 that I almost forget the misery of being without one. Distance at times but there nonetheless. Before then I was always seeking one or a chance to get laid. I'd probably drink myself to death without one.

Miss Disco wrote: I've never been in a relationship. Yes, I know that sounds unusual for someone my age (I'm 25) but I was always too busy with my education and I haven't been able to find a man since I graduated last year. In fact, lately I've been wondering if it would be a good idea for me to even bother.

Miss D I was still an innocent virgin at 25! ok I was a virgin.

And I thought it was only JOBS that a degree rendered you overqualified for. ;)

Tip: play dumb...loads of guys are a bit freaked by chicks who are to smart (don;t overdo it tho in case they think yer a bimbo) Yer probably right, we aren't worth it, as I mentioned before, me mate Leanne who could snap her fingers and have most guys, is So off them, it' scary. Suits me tho, one whiff of a decent bloke and I'll be a soul mate down on the deal ;)

For years my longest relationship was 3 months long, most being 1 month (actually 2 weeks, but the last two weeks were to annoy them so they would break up with me, as I never broke up with any of them). Then at the tender age of 25, met my wife and haven't been right since, been almost 7 years now.

As for the question, couldn't imagine living without her.

Other girls do look better and better for a fun ruffle inthe sack. Keeping my mind off that is difficult. Especially since it seems the longer I'm married, the more my standards of a "good looking" woman drop. Right now they need to be young, have some sort of breast, and not weigh 200 lbs. when I was single I was overetly picky.

So to answer the question completely, definately a relationship (but the ability to screw around would be nice) DAMN MONOGOMY!!!!

JHC

I voted for a relationship with a caveat.

The relationship had better be damn good for me to give up being single

Emma Peel wrote:

The relationship had better be damn good for me to give up being single

I agree entirely

I ditched my last short term g/f because it was better being single

Johnny wrote:

"Digital Mike Binoche" wrote: All i can say is;If you can't be with the one you love. love the one you're with

sounds like yer settling for second best there

also making the best of where you 're at. and be okay with yourself either in or out .because we don't get today back. so many beautiful people. Rian- that both can be great in different ways. . adore being able to come home to empty place. relationships can be a supportive thrill too. seeing where that can go..what it takes to keep it supportive and a little exotic. also haven't read that if anyone is good with seeing - say more than one person at a time. seeing where that might go. 100 films done where things start of - say physical pretty soon- and even pretty clear that little future could be - yet that turns into a great few weeks, or more. and then that is the only place you'd like to be. no answers out there.

Steve Campbell wrote: And I thought it was only JOBS that a degree rendered you overqualified for. ;)

LOL! Seriously though, like I said, it was a lack of time that was the problem.

Steve Campbell wrote: Yer probably right, we aren't worth it

It's not that I don't think guys are worth it; it's just that I'm scared I couldn't survive a breakup. It'd take me back to a place in my life that I never want to go back to and undo the nine years' worth of work I've done to get away from that place. Plus, I've seen friends have their personalities destroyed by relationships and I don't want that to happen to me.

Very true. But then, it's sort of what i meant. Even though some of us MAY be worth the farting and the pile of fetid socks we leave in lady's bedchambers....no one's worth all that other cack.

you need yerself some good mates and a fuckbuddy ;) (no..I'm NOT offering my services LOL)

I've got a brilliant bunch of mates and they'll do me fine, ta! :) Right, gonna get out of this thread now and leave you all in peace. See you later!

I've been married for 7 years. My best friend recently acquired her first boyfriend and she's turned freak. Keeps talking about how wonderful it is to be in a relationship and such. I keep thinking, wouldn't it be great to be single! THings are always nice for a while, at first and then the grass tends to be greener. *shrugs* Am I going to file for divorce simply because I want to be single? No, but sometimes it's mighty tempting.

ahhrg. bleesed back button.:beer2:

hennasarai wrote: I've been married for 7 years. nice for a while-tends to be greener. Am I going to file for divorce simply because I want to be single?no. mighty tempting.

there are two of you to the equation. wow. seven yrs. nice. someone could bring flowers home tonite, out of the garden into a vase. some family friends are hitting their 40 th anniversary and they are one of the sexiest friendliest teams. if you've got someone committed to you, and you to them. people change, so defin. maybe work at changing for the best.

NObabe wrote: Voted relationship but one thing I know: much better being all on your own than settling for second best.

Errm, I'm all on my own.

Miss Disco wrote:

Steve Campbell wrote: And I thought it was only JOBS that a degree rendered you overqualified for. ;)

LOL! Seriously though, like I said, it was a lack of time that was the problem.

Steve Campbell wrote: Yer probably right, we aren't worth it

It's not that I don't think guys are worth it; it's just that I'm scared I couldn't survive a breakup. It'd take me back to a place in my life that I never want to go back to and undo the nine years' worth of work I've done to get away from that place. Plus, I've seen friends have their personalities destroyed by relationships and I don't want that to happen to me.

Okay, perhaps the poll should say "healthy relationship". I think a relationship that destroys your personality isn't healthy. Might be fun for a bit (some extreme warped dom/sub thing for a while) but...probably not worth it in the long run.

Love is a free fall without a safety net, but sometimes love makes you fly. I think it's worth the risk.

Just my 2p, Emma

Comrade Shampanyov wrote: Errm, I'm all on my own.

A man with principles!

Emma Peel wrote:

Comrade Shampanyov wrote: Errm, I'm all on my own.

A man with principles!

A tough, smart single woman who knows the value of a good jumpsuit!

I work best in relationships. When single, I tend to just go wild and not focus my energies on one person but on many different people. In a relationship, one person gets my (mostly) undivided attention. It's a comfort level for me, relationships. I like building things to levels of fruition, and even if it tumbles back down to earth the effort has made me and another person better off than before.

I've come to a frightening conclusion: I've been with Derek for almost half of my life now met him when I was 21 and I'll be 42 soon. Still going strong, up and downs surely, but it's give and take, isn't. Me a bit more taking and Deek a bit more giving, we'll last for many more years to come! Only kidding, it's all about giving each other some space and not neglecting other friendships just because you've find mr. or mrs. right. that's where a lot of girls go wrong me thinks.

Beautifully put Geri. Have been with JT for 13 years, married for 11 and have two fabulous boys. I am extremely lucky that we both love football, love NOOL and love each other although like everything all relationships have their ups and downs.

My advice Mr Owens is never to go looking for it (unless you just want a shag) one day it may just happen, one day it may not. If things are meant to be then one day you may have a great relationship that will hopefully last a long time. If it doesn't so what, the main thing to take from life (only my opinion which I always try and follow) be nice to people (a smile at a stranger costs nothing and you may brighten up someones day)be true to yourself by never compromising what really matters to you and above all be happy (whether single, attached or whatever) enjoy life because you only have one chance to make the most of it. I could rant on with this shite for a long time but won't anybore for fear of mass suicides

my advice is to get rid of all your KB's first, because if you have 7 or 8 KB's, then the next one will surely be a strike. i used to hate KB's, until i realised you just have to accept them, because the next one may be a strike.

***don't be put off by KB's lads***

its good to get them.

Lucyjane wrote: Beautifully put Geri. Have been with JT for 13 years, married for 11 and have two fabulous boys. I am extremely lucky that we both love football, love NOOL and love each other although like everything all relationships have their ups and downs.

My advice Mr Owens is never to go looking for it (unless you just want a shag) one day it may just happen, one day it may not. If things are meant to be then one day you may have a great relationship that will hopefully last a long time. If it doesn't so what, the main thing to take from life (only my opinion which I always try and follow) be nice to people (a smile at a stranger costs nothing and you may brighten up someones day)be true to yourself by never compromising what really matters to you and above all be happy (whether single, attached or whatever) enjoy life because you only have one chance to make the most of it. I could rant on with this shite for a long time but won't anybore for fear of mass suicides

failing all that. just buy one of them new-style realistic blow-up type dolls. :p

J.A.K wrote: my advice is to get rid of all your KB's first, because if you have 7 or 8 KB's, then the next one will surely be a strike. i used to hate KB's, until i realised you just have to accept them, because the next one may be a strike.

***don't be put off by KB's lads***

its good to get them.

Erm, what's a KB?

Missy Jem wrote:

J.A.K wrote: my advice is to get rid of all your KB's first, because if you have 7 or 8 KB's, then the next one will surely be a strike. i used to hate KB's, until i realised you just have to accept them, because the next one may be a strike.

***don't be put off by KB's lads***

its good to get them.

Erm, what's a KB?

help Jemsy out someone. help her out!!

haha - - Knock Back

now...read it again, and it all makes sense.

Missy Jem wrote:

J.A.K wrote: my advice is to get rid of all your KB's first, because if you have 7 or 8 KB's, then the next one will surely be a strike. i used to hate KB's, until i realised you just have to accept them, because the next one may be a strike.

***don't be put off by KB's lads***

its good to get them.

Erm, what's a KB?

I was going to ask as well, but then it suddenly dawned on me, brain isn't completely frazzled yet :D

ehh, not that I'm saying yours is .. :)

J.A.K wrote:

Missy Jem wrote:

J.A.K wrote: my advice is to get rid of all your KB's first, because if you have 7 or 8 KB's, then the next one will surely be a strike. i used to hate KB's, until i realised you just have to accept them, because the next one may be a strike.

***don't be put off by KB's lads***

its good to get them.

Erm, what's a KB?

help Jemsy out someone. help her out!!

haha - - Knock Back

now...read it again, and it all makes sense.

See...Jemma is "nice"....she's not escaped scum like u and me kershaw...she's probably never been turned down in her earthly ;)

J.A.K wrote:

Missy Jem wrote:

J.A.K wrote: my advice is to get rid of all your KB's first, because if you have 7 or 8 KB's, then the next one will surely be a strike. i used to hate KB's, until i realised you just have to accept them, because the next one may be a strike.

***don't be put off by KB's lads***

its good to get them.

Erm, what's a KB?

help Jemsy out someone. help her out!!

haha - - Knock Back

now...read it again, and it all makes sense.

Ah, i see. Well as somebody who's never been knocked back I had to ask.

A couple of points that have struck a chord in some of the posts...

"some relationships can destoy your personality"

I can agree with that.Some of mine have.I was lucky to get out and back to my old self.Phew!

And another thing being that over the past few years i've got my head back together after a break up in 2002/2003 .Like (i think it was) Miss Disco said , i don't want to take a massive backward step and go back to that 'just broken up' state of mind.

But what can you do?