WEDNESDAY 23 DECEMBER 12.05pm FILM! Bow down at the greatness of Henry Selick's animation in James And The Giant Peach on Channel 4.
6.10pm FILM! A kid turns into Tom Hanks in what could be construed as a horror movie – Big's on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
7.00pm The first of this year's Doctor Who specials, "Planet Of The Dead", is on BBC Three.
8.00pm FILM! Sylvester Stallone sees the future of law enforcement (and it's rubbish) in the surprisingly good Demolition Man on Sky Movies Action Thriller.
9.00pm The first three episodes of Red Dwarf's third season are on Dave, followed by a "Smeg-Ups" compilation. FILM! On the air, unaware: it's The Truman Show on FilmFour. FILM! James Cameron does new things with CG (well, they were new then...) in Terminator 2: Judgment Day on ITV2. FILM! The first Transformers movie's on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
10.00pm SEASON FINALE! The first season of True Blood wraps up on Channel 4. FILM! David Cronenberg shows a weird future of home entertainment in Videodrome on Sky Movies Indie.
11.30pm FILM! Now it's time for David Lynch to be weird in Mulholland Drive on Sky Movies Indie.
THURSDAY 24 DECEMBER (CHRISTMAS EVE!) 9.50am FILM! Beware: it's not the Disney Pinocchio, but the live-action Roberto Benigni movie, on BBC Two.
10.00am Sky1's Christmas staple Hogfather gets another run out.
11.35am FILM! Tim Allen makes you long for Toy Story and Galaxy Quest in unwanted threequel Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause on BBC One.
1.35pm As happens every Christmas, a kid's about to get abducted by a possessed snowman in – you've guessed it – The Snowman. It's rather scary when you think about it and it's on Channel 4.
5.00pm There's a Wallace And Gromit triple bill on Gold.
5.45pm FILM! They think it's all ogre... Shrek 2's on BBC One. FILM! And Tim Burton's original Batman movie's on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
6.00pm FILM! It's a marriage of inconvenience in Tim Burton's Corpse Bride on ITV1. FILM! Amy Adams is a fairy tale princess in Enchanted on Sky Movies Comedy.
7.00pm Get ready for tomorrow's "The End Of Time" with awesome Doctor Who special "The Waters Of Mars".
7.05pm Patrick Stewart gets his Scrooge on in A Christmas Carol on Five.
8.00pm We've got no idea why it's still on the telly either, but My Family's going to 2039 in its Christmas special. Does anyone care? A good time to head to the pub. Steer clear of BBC One.
9.00pm FILM! Superior sequel Hellboy II: The Golden Army fights demons on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
10.00pm David Tennant guests on QI on BBC One. FILM! See disappointing threequel The Mummy: The Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor on Sky Movies Family.
11.50pm FILM! Alex Proyas aims for odd (and hits the mark) in the excellent Dark City on TCM.
11.55pm FILM! It won't be long until The Running Man becomes a real TV show. For now you'll have to make do with the movie on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
12.10am FILM! Nathan Fillion faces off against weird alien wormy things in Slither on Channel 4.
FRIDAY 25 DECEMBER (CHRISTMAS DAY!) 10.55am FILM! Dudley Moore is an elf in the woeful Santa Claus: The Movie on ITV1.
12.25pm FILM! If you're not eating your Christmas dinner, you could watch The Santa Clause on BBC One.
1.10pm FILM! Cold. Dead. Eyes. It can only mean The Polar Express on ITV1.
3.10pm FILM! Pixar's incredible The Incredibles is on BBC One, just after the Queen's speech. Bet she loves a bit of superhero action.
4.55pm From Pixar to DreamWorks: Shrek The Halls is on BBC One.
6.00pm HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR! It's the beginning of the end for David Tennant in this year's Doctor Who Christmas special, "The End Of Time", on BBC One.
6.35pm FILM! Nicolas Cage gets It's A Wonderful LIfed in The Family Man on FilmFour.
7.00pm As soon as Doctor Who's finished on BBC One, turn over to BBC Three for Doctor Who Confidential. FILM! So there's no reason for you to watch Wild Wild West on TCM... FILM! ...or Death Race on Sky Movies Action/Thriller... FILM!... or Bedtime Stories on Sky Movies Premiere.
8.00pm FILM! Former Anakin Skywalker Hayden Christensen still looks a bit wooden in Jumper on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror. FILM! You can't get away from Shrek this Christmas. The original's on Sky Movies Family. FILM! Jurassic Park starts a Spielberg double bill on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
9.00pm FILM! The excellent Ghostbusters gets a festive run out on Watch. FILM! Robert Downey Jr is Tony Stark in Iron Man on Sky Movies Action. FILM! Santa! He knows him! Elf's on FilmFour.
10.00pm FILM! Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror hosts Neil Marshall's Doomsday.
10.10pm FILM! You can't do better than Raiders Of The Lost Ark on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
11.05pm The Incredibles spin-off short Jack-Jack Attack is on BBC Three. Surely it's too late for the kids?
11.25pm FILM! Yul Brynner is the ultimate cyborg killer (and that includes Arnie) in Westworld.
SATURDAY 26 DECEMBER (BOXING DAY) 1.00pm FILM! Miranda Richardson and Kristin Kreuk retell Snow White on Five.
1.10pm FILM! Monsters pick on an American family in The Spiderwick Chronicles on Sky Movies Family.
1.30pm FILM! Bridge To Terabithia is on BBC One.
2.40pm FILM! Robin Williams is an annoying robot bloke in Bicentennial Man on SCI FI.
3.25pm FILM! Classic Hitchcock horror in The Birds on SCI FI HORROR.
4.00pm FILMS! Tune in to Sky Movies Modern Greats for a double bill of Back To The Future Parts II and III.
4.40pm FILM! Get a bit of Wallace & Gromit action in excellent movie The Curse Of The Wererabbit on BBC One.
5.05pm David Tennant does Hamlet on BBC Two.
5.10pm FILM! Tennant goes up against Number Five as Short Circuit airs on SCI FI.
7.10pm FILM! Wonder why they're still making Resident Evil movies with Resident Evil: Extinction on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
7.20pm FILM! Will Smith turns superhero in Hancock on Sky Movies Action/Thriller.
7.25pm FILM! The week's second possessed snowman movie, except this one's much creepier: Michael Keaton is Jack Frost on ITV2.
7.30pm FILM! The Pirates Of The Caribbean trilogy goes out with a whimper in the disappointing At World's End on BBC One.
7.40pm FILM! Hi-tech plane bobbins with Stealth on Fiver.
8.00pm Catch Doctor Who: The Lost Episodes, a documentary on Radio 4 about missing Who stories..
9.00pm FILM! You voted it one of the worst films of the decade. A tad harsh, perhaps, but the slightly mediocre X-Men: The Last Stand is on FilmFour. FILM! This one truly is a stinker, but it has a great title: Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus is on SCI FI. FILM! We'd recommend watching Beetlejuice on Watch instead.
9.45pm FILM! DragonHeart is on Sky Movies Family.
10.05pm FILM! Indiana Jones negotiates The Temple Of Doom in Sky Movies Modern Greats.
11.35pm FILM! Seems a tad late, but The Borrowers is on Sky Movies Family. Maybe it's an R-rated cut?
12.10am FILM! The awesome Cloverfield invades Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
1.05am FILM! An utter stinker of a movie: it's Aeon Flux on Channel 4.
SUNDAY 27 DECEMBER 8.00am FILMS! A good day for Star Trek fans. All the movies from 1-9 are airing back-to-back on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
10.30am Learn all about the most consistently brilliant studio in Hollywood (well, San Francisco) in The Pixar Story on BBC Two.
11.15am David Tennant chooses his Desert Island Discs on Radio 4.
12.30pm FILM! Got nothing else to do? There's a late '90s version of Alice In Wonderland on Five, featuring the girl from Waterworld and Napoleon Dynamite.
3.15pm FILM! The Rock wanders into the Mummy-verse in The Scorpion King on ITV1.
5.35pm FILM! Build your own mashed potato landmarks as Close Encounters Of The Third Kind comes to Sky Movies Modern Greats.
6.00pm FILM! Another chance to see the excellent Beetlejuice on Watch.
7.00pm FILM! Stare into those cold dead eyes again as The Polar Express steams back onto ITV2 .
7.15pm FILM! Liz Hurley is a rather unconvincing devil in the Bedazzled remake on FilmFour.
8.00pm FILM! If you don't like Unchained Melody, don't watch Ghost on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
10.10pm FILM! Remember when the Indiana Jones series used to go out with a bang? Get all nostalgic with Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
12.20am FILM! Bring the week to a close with the excellent Predator on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
MONDAY 28 DECEMBER
Bored of all the Christmas nonsense? Why not head off to the shops to pick up DVDs or Blu-rays of Star Wars-spoofing Family Guy: Something, Something, Something Dark Side, The Final Destination, Misfits and ITV’s 1999, Colin Firth-starring adaptation of The Turn Of The Screw – don't mix it up with the new BBC one which airs later this week.
And now the TV:
2.00pm Not to be confused with the BBC One series, it’s the feature-length, Sam Neill-starring Merlin on Five.
2.40pm FILM! Catch The Golden Compass on Sky Movies Family, and ask yourself what happened to the sequel.
3.50pm FILM! Ace spoof Young Frankenstein comes to life on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
4.40pm FILM! Michael Caine and muppets is all you need to know: it’s The Muppet Christmas Carol on Sky Movies Family.
5.10pm FILM! Why did they bother coming back? The X-Files: I Want To Believe comes to Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
5.35pm The disappointing Knight Rider remake gets another spin around the block on Five. It’s on every day this week.
5.45pm FILM! The live-action Peter Pan refuses to grow up on ITV2.
6.10pm FILM! Inkheart gets wheeled out again on Sky Movies Family.
7.00pm Every single Wallace And Gromit adventure has been on the Beeb this Christmas. Tonight it’s A Matter Of Loaf And Death on BBC One.
7.10pm FILM! Catch the Star Wars: The Clone Wars movie that begat the TV show. It’s on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror
9.00pm It’s the first part of the Beeb’s new adaptation of The Day Of The Triffids on BBC One. The second and final part is on tomorrow. FILM! Remind yourself how great The Matrix was before Reloaded and Revolutions ruined it all. It’s on ITV2 at 9pm. FILM! Any sadomasochists out there? Why not subject yourself to The Happening on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror. Take it from us – it’s much better if you treat it as a comedy.
10.00pm FILM! If you sat down and tried to make a really unfunny spoof, it still couldn’t be as laugh-free as Superhero Movie. Somehow it’s found its way on to Sky Movies Comedy at 10pm.
10.05pm FILM! Steven Spielberg’s left, but it’s still pretty good stuff: Jurassic Park III roars on to Sky Movies Family.
1.05am FILM! To our minds it’s one of the best musicals ever made – South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut is on Sky Movies Comedy.
TUESDAY 29 DECEMBER
10.55am FILM! It’s a Disney sequel no-one was crying out for: Peter Pan follow-up Return To Never Land is on BBC One.
1.05pm FILM! Careless inventor Rick Moranis tells his wife, Honey, I Shrunk The Kids. Find out how she responds on BBC One.
5.55pm The original Wallace And Gromit adventure, A Grand Day Out, heads for the Moon via BBC One.
6.15pm FILM! It’s the fantastic spoof that made Star Trek’s return rather difficult: Galaxy Quest is on Sky Movies Comedy.
9.00pm The Day Of The Triffids concludes on BBC One. FILM! The Matrix is ace. The Matrix Reloaded is not. It is, however, on ITV2. FILM! It’s the movie that inspired the impressively short-lived TV show: The Witches Of Eastwick is on ITV3. FILM! See The Truman Show again on FilmFour.
9.45pm FILM! The Wachowskis do live-action anime in Speed Racer on Sky Movies Family.
10.35pm FILM! There’s always a lot of debate over whether James Bond is science fiction or not. Well, with an invisible car, Die Another Day definitely is. See Pierce Brosnan’s final 007 outing on ITV1.
11.35pm FILM! With countless spin-offs the “there can be only one” mantra’s become increasingly inaccurate, but why not watch Highlander on ITV4 anyway.
WEDNESDAY 30 DECEMBER
3.35pm FILM! Keep the kids quiet with the 7365th (approximate) TV screening of Mary Poppins.
5.50pm Today’s Wallace And Gromit offering is A Close Shave.
6.00pm FILM! Your friendly neighbourhood “cold, dead eyes” watch says, look out for The Polar Express on ITV2.
6.25pm FILM! If the words Vin, Diesel, Genetically, Modified and Messiah make you excited, tune into Sky Movies Action/Thriller for Babylon AD.
7.00pm FILM! Dolph Lundgren is He-Man in Masters Of The Universe on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
8.00pm FILM! Eddie Murphy’s knack for finding a duff movie reveals itself again in the woeful Meet Dave.
9.00pm A brand new adaptation of Henry James’s The Turn Of The Screw spooks up BBC One. FILM! The original and the best: The Terminator looks for Sarah Connor on BBC Three. FILM! The Matrix trilogy comes to an end with Revolutions on ITV2. FILM! Another chance to see the original The Day The Earth Stood Still on Sky Movies Classics. FILM! Will Smith superhero movie Hancock is on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
11.10pm FILM! Arnie takes on Satan in End Of Days. Who do you think wins?
12.10am FILM! Top crime movie director Michael Mann does horror in The Keep on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
THURSDAY 31 DECEMBER (NEW YEAR’S EVE)
Looking for a party? Why not see in the new year with horror all-nighter Gash in London?
9.55am FILM! The Magic Roundabout gets a CG redo with, er, Robbie Williams as Dougal. It's on BBC One.
2.00pm It’s a TV movie take on Jules Verne’s Journey To The Centre Of The Earth on Five.
3.55pm FILM! You’ll still believe a man can fly, with Superman on ITV1.
5.20pm It’s arguably the best of the Wallace And Gromit adventures: The Wrong Trousers is on BBC One.
6.30pm FILM! John Cusack is a mad scientist’s assistant in Igor on Sky Movies Family.
7.25pm FILM! Not going out tonight? You could do a lot worse than watching The Dark Knight on Sky Movies Action/Thriller.
8.00pm FILM! It’s Pirates Of The Caribbean: When Franchises Go Bad – otherwise known as Dead Man’s Chest. It’s on BBC One. FILM! Heeeeeerrreee’s Johnny! It’s The Shining on Sky Movies Indie. (Not sure that a major studio movie like this counts as indie, but we’re sure they know what they’re doing.)
8.25pm FILM! If Christopher Nolan’s take on Batman is not for you, you can see Batman Returns on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
9.00pm FILM! It’s X-Men: The Last Stand on FilmFour.
9.05pm FILM! The length of the title is the only impressive thing about Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life. It’s on Watch.
11.00pm FILM! Death’s still got a vendetta against teens in Final Destination 3 on FilmFour.
FRIDAY 1 JANUARY (NEW YEAR’S DAY)
9.45am FILM! Not sure how it fits in with the Merlin chronology, but Arthurian legend is given a Disneyish spin in The Sword In The Stone on BBC One.
10.25am FILM! Get your horror with added innuendo in Carry On Screaming on ITV1.
12.45pm FILM! Kermit and co are off to see the wizard in The Muppets’ Wizard Of Oz on Five.
12.55pm Get ready for David Tennant’s last stand with a repeat screening of Doctor Who: “The End Of Time: Part One”on BBC One.
2.40pm Five continues its Wizard Of Oz theme with documentary The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz: The Making Of A Movie Classic. It’s followed by the classic Judy Garland movie version at 3.50pm.
3.15pm FILM! A lot of people hated it, we happen to think it’s pretty good: Superman Returns is on BBC One.
4.50pm FILM! Gene Wilder hands out sweeties in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory on ITV1.
6.00pm FILM! Edward Norton’s a decent Bruce Banner, but The Incredible Hulk is still not the movie it should have been. See why on Sky Movies Action/Thriller.
6.40pm HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR! (Already). Stop all the clocks, take the phone off the hook, and settle down for David Tennant’s last outing in Doctor Who. It’s “The End Of Time: Part Two”. It’s on BBC One – as if you didn’t know. FILM! Casper’s on ITV2 – like anybody will be watching.
7.55pm Doctor Who Confidential bids farewell to David Tennant on BBC Three.
8.00pm FILM! Steve Carell is an inept spy in ‘60s TV show spin-off Get Smart. FILM! Ghost is on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
8.55pm Doctor Who’s Greatest Moments looks back at highlights from the series on BBC Three.
9.00pm FILM! The excellent Hellboy II: The Golden Army is on Sky Movies Sci-Fi/Horror.
10.10pm FILM! John Cusack finds a portal into John Malkovich’s head in the brilliant Being John Malkovich. FILM! The movie that Gladiators should have been: Arnie is The Running Man on Sky Movies Modern Greats.
11.15pm FILM! Beyond Kate Beckinsale’s catsuit there’s not much to talk about in Underworld: Evolution. It’s on FilmFour.
1.45am FILM! It’d be brilliant if the Videoplus code for this one was 666: it isn't, but the The Omen is on Sky Movies: Modern Greats
