This is one for any Makems who may be watching....
THERE WAS mass hysteria in Sunderland last month when the Metro link with Newcastle finally opened, as thousands of locals tried to board the first train out of the city. "It was like Berlin when the Wall came down," said Stan Clear, Tyne & Wear Metro's driver on the historic journey. "They were sitting on the roof and hanging from the sides. We had to add a dozen cattle trucks to the train, to take all the poor wretches and their belongings."
Things turned ugly when several Sunderland 'footballers' barged to the front of the queue, hoping to flee the lynch mobs from the city they have shamed so disgracefully this season.
If Kevin Phillips hadn't distracted them by taking a dive near the ticket machine, there would have been a bloodbath. A sobbing mother watched as seven of her children and their five fathers left on the Metro, for a new life. "Kids want so much these days, and I can't provide it in Sunderland," wept Penny Well. "The bairns have seen Newcastle on the television and they want to be part of it. You've got classier tattoo parlours and cheaper off-licences. I want my young 'uns to grow up with the very best." There were problems when the Metro approached Tyneside, where passports were checked at Pelaw.
Several thousand Mackems were shipped back to a holding camp at Brockley Whins, although there are reports that lorry drivers are charging as much as a fiver to smuggle them through the Tyne Tunnel.
But not everyone is keen to leave Sunderland. Newcastle Stuff spoke with one Mackem who has decided to stay in the city. "Dain't talk to me about Newcastle, there'll be nay work there for me," a locksmith told us,from his unit in the Bridges shopping centre. "But I'll always be busy here," he said, before turning back to his customers. "We's keys are these keys?"
Well it made me laugh..... 
