EDUCATING THE FOOTBALL MASSES – LESSON #2,189 : NEWCASTLE UNITED
SIZE OF THE CLUB..............
According to the 2001 census, the population of the wider Newcastle-Gateshead area is approximately 800,000. According to some Newcastle supporters, St James’ Park regularly hosts 8,000,000 and the fan base is approximately 80,000,000. This mathematical curiosity is sometimes known as the “Burnleybirminghamtottenham Conundrum” whereby all apparent logic goes out the window to allow for some really BIG numbers..........
SUCCESS OF THE CLUB
Newcastle United has a proud tradition of winning the FA Cup, having done so 3 times in the last 8 years. Unfortunately for the followers of the club, that statement was written on 21st September 1958 and fell through a space-time wormhole to end up in this match preview on 21st September 2008. Despite the total lack of success in any competition since the 50s (with the honourable exception of the Fairs Cup - the predecessor of the UEFA Cup for you young’uns - in 1969 and the glorious Inter-Toto victory in 2006), Newcastle are seen by many supporters as being a top team. This delusional state of mind is medically termed in Latin as Magpius Talkingus Shiteius .
SEATING AT THE CLUB
Being a ground designed to host a home fan base of more than the population of the entire United Kingdom, plus room for all of Belgium, Azerbaijan and Malta, it is perhaps unsurprising that away fans are marginalised. Although the seating provision has seemingly moved from the corner of the Sir John Hall Stand to a more central position in the same stand, the view is unlikely to be different.
(IMG:http://www.premierfootballbooks.co.uk/images/newcastle_aerial.jpg) Away fans view of St James’ Park (close up)
MANAGEMENT OF THE CLUB
There isn’t any. Although they do currently have a caretaker in charge; next up is a dinner lady and a lollypop man.
OWNERSHIP OF THE CLUB There isn’t any – or rather there isn’t any that a Typical Toon Fan would want. Current owner, Mike Ashley would probably come a second in a ballot with Laura Ashley if fans could vote.
(IMG:http://www.lauraashley.com/content/ebiz/lauraashley/invt/3247091p/3247091p_main_m.jpg) It could be curtains for Mike
THIS SEASON AT THE CLUB
It’s not been good for the Toon Army. After a decent start with draw at Old Trafford, and then beating Bolton, successive defeats to Arsenal, Hull and West Ham see the club on 4 points from 5 games. They are currently 19th in the league. (That’s 3 less points than Rovers and 9 places below for those who think we’ve had it bad.)
Rovers to win 2-1.........happy days.........
has anyone seen Ashleys new tat.........http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/ashleyprat1.thumbnail.jpg
