·
curetapes@hotmail.com
~ The Blog, Chapter 23: Love is a many twisted thing!! [The past month...] ~
...has been nothing short of interesting. Very interesting. 
[Currently playing: 'Enjoy the Silence' by Depeche Mode.]
*Quick Prelude into this blogpost: I didn't think I'd type so much as I did, but it is a fairly lengthy post. Better rustle up some popcorn for this one!!*
Life's been a bit of a roundabout as far as relationships are concerned. My once-upon-a-crush-now-boyfriend Michael was a surprise that, honestly, I did NOT expect when the month of June swung around. I can't believe it's been about a month since we've became a strangely unique couple! Time flies when you're in love. Or something like it.
In the month we've been together, I guess one can say we've been through quite a bit. But, I guess last Friday would have to be, for me, the toughest time in our relationship so far.
Curious? Have a seat and have some popcorn.
Last Thursday a friend of mine I had recently met wanted to hang out with me for a bit, so we went out for dinner at Taco Bell, then chilled out at my apartment. And I usually DON'T allow anyone at my apartment unless they're family or it's Michael! [Basically, at that point I should've known there'd be trouble with this, ahem, 'friend'.
]
Now by this point Brian [yes, that's the name of the jerk... yes I called him a jerk, and I'll tell you why] knows I'm the spontaneous sort. And usually around friends I'm always in one main spontaniety--the kind where we'll all be hanging out and then I see something interesting and fun [like, erm, surfer guys, anyone??] and I'll be like, 'Hey, let's go check this out!!', and then I'm the first one there with my curiosity and whatnot. No joke. Well, that's the spontaniety I had for Brian. Unfortunately he misunderstood me when he told me as we were hanging out in my apartment, 'Now, let's just see how spontaneous you really are...'
Unfortunately he was referring to the OTHER spontaniety... the kind of spontaniety when I'm with Michael--and no one else.
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse [at this point I was about to remind Brian BIG TIME that I had just met him!!], he attempts to bloody seduce me. Bastard. I kept talking about music--lots of New Order in the talking!!--just to keep him distracted and his lips nowhere near me. However, one problem arose--he knew, somehow [and I don't know how either--I never even told him this!!
], how to shut me up. And with that he kissed me. On the lips. And I fucking hated that--both Brian AND the kiss: Brian for misunderstanding me altogether, and the kiss for the starting of the guilt trip from hell.
I asked him why he did that [especially since, hello! he sure must've forgotten I've got Michael!], but he just sorta pressed on with the whole 'spontaniety' crap and kissed me again. I'm struggling to break free and beat his ass, he's wanting to get laid. Not gonna happen, folks.
I broke the kiss. I showed him the door.
I haven't heard from him since. Boy, do I have balls or what!?
Well, while Brian disappeared into the void of fuck-all, I couldn't sleep a bit at all. What Brian wanted me to do apparently costed me my sleep, my nerve, my pride, and--above all--my self-respect. I had to go through work on Friday barely surviving on nearly 4 hours of sleep while hating myself for being so beautiful that it would be easy for men to try to seduce me. Must've been my blue hair. But who the fuck am I kidding?
I mean, I guess you can say that, I know I'm beautiful. I've been told this quite a lot by Michael himself, and I know he's right. I know I'm beautiful. But the trouble with that is, I wish at times that I wasn't. That's one of the reasons why I colored my hair blue--because society doesn't generally go for the goth/new wave/punk rock-esque kind of person. They want beautiful people.
Unfortunately, there was a flaw on my part. Everyone loved the blue. Not just my boyfriend but Brian. And Brian thought I was a 'wild' punk rock girl in a sense that I was wild--in bed.
Uhm, news flash: I. Don't. Think. So.
While I do have my wild side, it's usually in the aforementioned first type of spontaniety--the kind associated with curiosity, thrill-seeking. A crazy adventure waiting to happen. That kind of wild.
Meanwhile Friday at work I was a wreck. Defo a wreck. The only person that was a big help all day was Myshel, who was by my side as drive-thru cashier as I was drive-thru order taker that day. At times we don't always get along, but she's a wonderful sweetheart who's just a Godsend. And we get a good laugh out of life too. [Myshel, I swear, if I ever show you this, know that you're one of my best buddies on earth. Just remember that!] Anywho, she heard me out in my dilemma and was a big comfort, reminding me of the obvious--
--that God loves me and forgives me no matter how stupid I may be sometimes.
--that things are going to be alright. [I was in a panic attack of sorts so you can only imagine how scared I was at the time!!
]
The final obstacle was to tell Michael--he was going to leave the next day for Lakeland, which is home for him--but the even bigger problem was, how?? I finally settled on a free-verse poem [I'm good at those!!], and with that got ready to run out the door of work for the day. One problem [or four??] though--
--Myshell was to take over back drive-thru, but the cash drawers hadn't been changed. Yet.
--It was past 1:30... and it takes me 20 minutes to walk from work to home.
--I still had pictures taken during the week to pick up at Walgreens. [Thank God it's right next door to where I work!!]
--And Michael was going to be at my apartment at 2 o'clock!! Bloody! Fucking! Hell!
So after Manager Larry finally changed the cash drawers and Myshel took over, I ran like hellfire on brimstone to Walgreens, paid for and picked up pictures, and ran like hell [at this point it was less than 15 minutes to 2!!] back to the apartment. Saw a figure just as I was near closing in on home, problem was he had just crossed the street to the other side. And I knew then and there I had to keep running, this time to said figure. And I called his name after I crossed the street, in a last-ditched effort of mercy on my courageous part--
'MICHAEL!!'
Boyfriend turned to look at me, I kept running to him. Now at that point I'm all hot and sweaty, sore all over [yeah, you try standing for 8 hours and then having to run like hell!? I ain't doin' THAT again!], and an emotional disaster just waiting to happen. I was not a happy ducky. But Michael was happy to see me, and he helped me back to my apartment. God bless the sweetheart.
After we were both in the apartment and sat down on the bed [yes, I have no couch, the apartment's a bit small to have one actually; meh], I took out my psalmody [that's my codeword for book of poems] and got to the first blank page in the book, and wrote for dear life. About Thursday night. About Brian and the kiss. About me trying to break away from it, and him trying to seduce me further. About the guilt and lack of sleep over it. About how upset at myself I was. I wrote it all down, got it out of my system.
Then, as he read it, I slumped on my bed and cried. I was hurting. I was tired. And by damn, I was hungry! [I hadn't eaten since break time that morning--7:30 in the A.M. is too fucking early for my break. ]
After he read it, he said that 'there's nothing to forgive', and that 'it was all a misunderstanding'. But, between the stress of the night prior and the day upcoming, of the near-betrayal and the departure of the beloved, I couldn't stop crying. I just couldn't. I think I died again that day.
But, he just held me tightly, reassured me that he loved me, and knew I was going to be alright. I think that helped ease the tears a lot.
So, for the last 10 minutes of his visit, we just held each other tightly, humming along to 'Swallowed in the Sea' by Coldplay and 'I Will Follow You Into the Dark' by Death Cab for Cutie [the latter is, we both agree, our song!] and drowning in each other's eyes and words of reaffirming love. It was a bittersweet time for us.
I do think that, all in all, this was what made our relationship stronger. Sadly, it had to be the day before he left. It's a sad thing, really.
So he's been gone for about 3 or 4 days now, and I miss him a lot, but there's nothing I can do about it. I guess the most I can do is stay faithfully loyal to him [which should be absofuckin'lutely easy!!], and hope and pray for the best for him. That and keep reading his blog [I posted the link to it in the previous Chapter], which I hope will be updated soon--really soon!!
Meh, I better get started on that Hives StarMix I promised myself I'd make tonight. Hope to, StarKnight!!
Until the next round, Cheers!! XOXOXO
[Currently playing: 'Enjoy the Silence' by Depeche Mode.]
*Quick Prelude into this blogpost: I didn't think I'd type so much as I did, but it is a fairly lengthy post. Better rustle up some popcorn for this one!!*
Life's been a bit of a roundabout as far as relationships are concerned. My once-upon-a-crush-now-boyfriend Michael was a surprise that, honestly, I did NOT expect when the month of June swung around. I can't believe it's been about a month since we've became a strangely unique couple! Time flies when you're in love. Or something like it.
In the month we've been together, I guess one can say we've been through quite a bit. But, I guess last Friday would have to be, for me, the toughest time in our relationship so far.
Curious? Have a seat and have some popcorn.
Last Thursday a friend of mine I had recently met wanted to hang out with me for a bit, so we went out for dinner at Taco Bell, then chilled out at my apartment. And I usually DON'T allow anyone at my apartment unless they're family or it's Michael! [Basically, at that point I should've known there'd be trouble with this, ahem, 'friend'.
]Now by this point Brian [yes, that's the name of the jerk... yes I called him a jerk, and I'll tell you why] knows I'm the spontaneous sort. And usually around friends I'm always in one main spontaniety--the kind where we'll all be hanging out and then I see something interesting and fun [like, erm, surfer guys, anyone??] and I'll be like, 'Hey, let's go check this out!!', and then I'm the first one there with my curiosity and whatnot.
No joke. Well, that's the spontaniety I had for Brian. Unfortunately he misunderstood me when he told me as we were hanging out in my apartment, 'Now, let's just see how spontaneous you really are...'Unfortunately he was referring to the OTHER spontaniety... the kind of spontaniety when I'm with Michael--and no one else.
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse [at this point I was about to remind Brian BIG TIME that I had just met him!!], he attempts to bloody seduce me. Bastard. I kept talking about music--lots of New Order in the talking!!--just to keep him distracted and his lips nowhere near me. However, one problem arose--he knew, somehow [and I don't know how either--I never even told him this!!
], how to shut me up. And with that he kissed me. On the lips. And I fucking hated that--both Brian AND the kiss: Brian for misunderstanding me altogether, and the kiss for the starting of the guilt trip from hell.I asked him why he did that [especially since, hello! he sure must've forgotten I've got Michael!], but he just sorta pressed on with the whole 'spontaniety' crap and kissed me again. I'm struggling to break free and beat his ass, he's wanting to get laid. Not gonna happen, folks.
I broke the kiss. I showed him the door.
I haven't heard from him since.
Boy, do I have balls or what!?Well, while Brian disappeared into the void of fuck-all, I couldn't sleep a bit at all. What Brian wanted me to do apparently costed me my sleep, my nerve, my pride, and--above all--my self-respect. I had to go through work on Friday barely surviving on nearly 4 hours of sleep while hating myself for being so beautiful that it would be easy for men to try to seduce me. Must've been my blue hair. But who the fuck am I kidding?
I mean, I guess you can say that, I know I'm beautiful. I've been told this quite a lot by Michael himself, and I know he's right. I know I'm beautiful. But the trouble with that is, I wish at times that I wasn't. That's one of the reasons why I colored my hair blue--because society doesn't generally go for the goth/new wave/punk rock-esque kind of person. They want beautiful people.
Unfortunately, there was a flaw on my part. Everyone loved the blue. Not just my boyfriend but Brian. And Brian thought I was a 'wild' punk rock girl in a sense that I was wild--in bed.
Uhm, news flash: I. Don't. Think. So.
While I do have my wild side, it's usually in the aforementioned first type of spontaniety--the kind associated with curiosity, thrill-seeking. A crazy adventure waiting to happen. That kind of wild.
Meanwhile Friday at work I was a wreck. Defo a wreck.
The only person that was a big help all day was Myshel, who was by my side as drive-thru cashier as I was drive-thru order taker that day. At times we don't always get along, but she's a wonderful sweetheart who's just a Godsend. And we get a good laugh out of life too. [Myshel, I swear, if I ever show you this, know that you're one of my best buddies on earth. Just remember that!] Anywho, she heard me out in my dilemma and was a big comfort, reminding me of the obvious----that God loves me and forgives me no matter how stupid I may be sometimes.
--that things are going to be alright. [I was in a panic attack of sorts so you can only imagine how scared I was at the time!!
]The final obstacle was to tell Michael--he was going to leave the next day for Lakeland, which is home for him--but the even bigger problem was, how?? I finally settled on a free-verse poem [I'm good at those!!], and with that got ready to run out the door of work for the day. One problem [or four??] though--
--Myshell was to take over back drive-thru, but the cash drawers hadn't been changed. Yet.
--It was past 1:30... and it takes me 20 minutes to walk from work to home.
--I still had pictures taken during the week to pick up at Walgreens. [Thank God it's right next door to where I work!!]
--And Michael was going to be at my apartment at 2 o'clock!!
Bloody! Fucking! Hell!So after Manager Larry finally changed the cash drawers and Myshel took over, I ran like hellfire on brimstone to Walgreens, paid for and picked up pictures, and ran like hell [at this point it was less than 15 minutes to 2!!] back to the apartment. Saw a figure just as I was near closing in on home, problem was he had just crossed the street to the other side. And I knew then and there I had to keep running, this time to said figure. And I called his name after I crossed the street, in a last-ditched effort of mercy on my courageous part--
'MICHAEL!!'
Boyfriend turned to look at me, I kept running to him. Now at that point I'm all hot and sweaty, sore all over [yeah, you try standing for 8 hours and then having to run like hell!? I ain't doin' THAT again!], and an emotional disaster just waiting to happen. I was not a happy ducky. But Michael was happy to see me, and he helped me back to my apartment. God bless the sweetheart.
After we were both in the apartment and sat down on the bed [yes, I have no couch, the apartment's a bit small to have one actually; meh], I took out my psalmody [that's my codeword for book of poems] and got to the first blank page in the book, and wrote for dear life. About Thursday night. About Brian and the kiss. About me trying to break away from it, and him trying to seduce me further. About the guilt and lack of sleep over it. About how upset at myself I was. I wrote it all down, got it out of my system.
Then, as he read it, I slumped on my bed and cried. I was hurting. I was tired. And by damn, I was hungry!
[I hadn't eaten since break time that morning--7:30 in the A.M. is too fucking early for my break. ]After he read it, he said that 'there's nothing to forgive', and that 'it was all a misunderstanding'. But, between the stress of the night prior and the day upcoming, of the near-betrayal and the departure of the beloved, I couldn't stop crying. I just couldn't. I think I died again that day.
But, he just held me tightly, reassured me that he loved me, and knew I was going to be alright. I think that helped ease the tears a lot.
So, for the last 10 minutes of his visit, we just held each other tightly, humming along to 'Swallowed in the Sea' by Coldplay and 'I Will Follow You Into the Dark' by Death Cab for Cutie [the latter is, we both agree, our song!] and drowning in each other's eyes and words of reaffirming love. It was a bittersweet time for us.
I do think that, all in all, this was what made our relationship stronger. Sadly, it had to be the day before he left. It's a sad thing, really.
So he's been gone for about 3 or 4 days now, and I miss him a lot, but there's nothing I can do about it. I guess the most I can do is stay faithfully loyal to him [which should be absofuckin'lutely easy!!], and hope and pray for the best for him. That and keep reading his blog [I posted the link to it in the previous Chapter], which I hope will be updated soon--really soon!!
Meh, I better get started on that Hives StarMix I promised myself I'd make tonight.
Hope to, StarKnight!!Until the next round, Cheers!! XOXOXO