The Blog, Chapter 29: Work, 'retard'ation, and pointless insults. [Must be a Monday.]

Currently playing--David Bowie: 'Space Oddity.'

You know, for the record, I hate Mondays [but not the Happy Mondays, they're cool--and that's another blog Chapter altogether!]; I really hate the day. Things that could possibly go bad usually do, people piss me off like it's nobody's business, and basically anything can go wrong on a day called Monday.

This is a good example of a really, really fucked-up Monday:

--Alarm clock doesn't go off; I just barely made it to work this morning as a result.
--Most of the coworkers basically weren't of much help to me AT ALL throughout my shift.
--97% of all of the customers I dealt with were complete and absolute jerks. One of them actually cussed me out just because I asked him--politely even!!--to repeat his order because he talked too fast! I kindly ask him to slow down a bit and repeat his order, and he goes off at the mouth calling me names that I really don't feel like mentioning here.
--I didn't get to see my aunt today, because we basically were slammed all afternoon and we had no one to take care of the back Drive-Thru.
--That previous tidbit resulted in me clocking off the shift an hour LATE.
--Had a Crew Trainer Meeting an hour AFTER clocking out, so it's on-the-clockness for another hour.
--Left knee's been hurting all day, hurts when I try to walk especially.
--Found out from the boyfriend that he might not be able to visit me before he leaves for Scotland, due to reasons beyond our control. [By the way, the e-mail he sent me had NOTHING to do with any break-up whatsoever.]
--Ended up extremely offended by some very stupid comments by Jeffari about me being 'retarded'. Which is very upsetting because, when I was much younger, I was an outcast, and many people called me some very upsetting names. It feels like elementary/middle school all over again, which were actually some of the worst years of my life. Then again, not that many people would give half a damn, but I figured I should bring to light the reason why I took offense to some things that were said tonight, both in this thread and in the Chat Room.

I said it before, and I'll say it again--I. HATE. MONDAYS.

I mean, it's the worst day of the week and, if the week gets even worse it becomes one long Monday from hell!

So Jenn, you might wonder, why are you blogging about this if you think no one's going to read it?

Simple--I'm posting this in case someone DOES read it. Because, let's face it. This is reality. Not everyone can take certain banter as taking-the-piss, and I can only take so much banter, to an extent. It may be funny for some, but for others it can be just downright offensive. And for me, much of what was said tonight [though it may have well been banter] were stuff I really didn't want to respond to, because it just wasn't worth making me the subject of pointless ridicule. Plus, I'm not very good with witty comebacks. I'm just...

I'm just not that kind of person, basically.

Ah well... if I'm the absolute subject of stupidity, if people just flat out piss me off because they think they can get away with being very stupid to my face, if the tears can fall down without any notice...

fuck it, every single day might as well be a Monday for all I care. And what have I done?

Simple--just existing, I'll bet.

I guess this is proof that sometimes, I am just not happy. I can't always be cheerful, it just doesn't... it just doesn't go that way. That's not...

that's not how it's always been.

Yet, wasn't why we were born? To be happy, to love, to just... to just be!? Wasn't that how life was supposed to be!?

But, let's face it--this isn't how life is. Life is hell. And if heaven is home for my soul, then damnit!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!

I...

I don't want to hurt the way I do. I don't want to cry because my heart hurts, whether it's missing the boyfriend or just the world being a dark place to live in. I don't want to suffer at the hands of spineless bastards. I don't want to be misunderstood, no matter how hard I try to make myself clear. I don't want to be as cold, cruel and heartless as the people who mock and joke about me do. I don't want to let society get the better of me just because I'm not as good or as beautiful or as perfect as their standards dictate.

I just want to be me, to be understood for who I am. And yet that itself is just too fucking much to ask!?



I hate Mondays. And I hate this cold, cruel world.



~ Jenn