I submitted it to the Nothing Sacred website, they said they'd put it up next week but I just felt like sharing it pre-publication:
Less-Than-Popular Halloween Costumes for 2003
The "Rummy Action Hero" - You too can go sauntering off to parties dressed as the Pentagon's Chief-Asshole-In-Charge. This costume consists of a gray wig ("made in Guatamala"), tiny pince-nez glasses, and a three-piece gray suit, as well as "Perma-Scowl", the new facial cream designed to keep the Sour-Puss look on your face all night. Warning: Do not wear in the vicinity of non-Fox News reporters who will ask tough questions in White House Press Corps.
"Dracula Gest" - The ambigious soon-to-be ex-husband of Liza Minelli certainly has a distinctive look, which can be yours if the price is right! Comes with aviator "dark" shades, "Chin-Away" jowl implants, and a decidely un-heterosexual all-black outfit. Best recommended for those "campy" Halloween parties.
"Do the Bartman" - He may be the most notorious Cubs fan in history, so why wouldn't anyone want to dress like him? The "Bartman 2003" comes equipped with a slightly worn Cubs hat, a pair of headphones set to replay the heart-stopping Game 6 commentary of the two drunk guys from Chicago's own WGN Radio, a Cubs jersey, and Marlins boxer shorts, to be worn underneath. Don't go for the potentially game-winning ball in nothing but the finest!
"Martha's Blues" - Just because the Queen of Homemaking Mean is going up the creek doesn't mean you can't still take on her helpful hints! This Rayon orange jumpsuit and "faker than fake" wig ensemble completes the atmosphere at any Halloween party. Be sure to check the inside pocket for helpful hints on how to establish supremacy over your cell mate, live out your lesbian fantasies with the butch prison guards in the communal shower, ans skim just enough from the graftin scam behind bars to arrange a truly "spooky" flower design from fall leaves, just right for the season.
"Where's Waldo Hussein?" - Sure, he's out of power, but Saddam is living it up someplace deep in the heart of Iraq! Shock and awe your friends with this "un-American, Israel-hatin'" dictator's trademark beret and bogus military uniform. You'll be the hit of any "Baghdad Bunker"-themed soiree, where your friends can participate in a game of "Find the Fiend": You stand in plain view, cigar clinched frimly in mouth, while they scatter throughout the house looking under couches. Be sure to leave plenty of "weapons of mass destruction" (nachos and dip) laying out for the "American infidel pigdogs" who dare to enter your lair!
