Jokes

As cruel,nasty and sick as you like.

1. A paedophile and a little girl walk through the woods, "Its dark,im scared" says the little girl,to which the paedophile replies "How do you think i feel?,i`ve got to walk back on my own".

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, and the bear asks the rabbit if shit sticks to his fur, and the rabbit says no. So, the bear takes the rabbit and wipes his ass.

ok whilst we are in the "woods"?

two hillbillys ,pa n junior are hunting in the woods and aint shot nuttin all day. they are about to give up when a black guy flies over them in a hang glider.

"JUMPIN JEEESUS papy" look at the goddam size of that crow,shoot it SHOOT IT. boom papy lets rip with his blunderbust but the hang glider just keeps going. aaaww shucks papy u plum missed him says junior. "heh i must have clipped him junior, i made him drop the nigger".

Rang up an Indian Takeaway, i said "Do you do deliver"

He Says "No, we do lamb, chicken and fish" Phone Down.

Now we're starting...

Where?

Bolton

The jokes.

Originally posted by Uncle Liam Rang up an Indian Takeaway, i said "Do you do deliver" He Says "No, we do lamb, chicken and fish" Phone Down.Now we're starting...

Shouldn't he have said "No, we do de lamb, chicken and fish"?

dumb joke and probally done a million times but still fun to do when you are bored.

call a grocery store and ask if they have olive oil in a bottle, when they say yes, tell them that they better let her out cause popeye is getting mad.

then call a popeyes chicken and ask if this is popeyes, when they say yes, tell them to get their asses to the grocery store cause they have olive oil in a bottle.

and call a dunkin donuts and asked if their boston cremes are filled with seamen, they usually say yes and then laugh your ass off.

not really jokes and not really funny, but im easily amused.

That reminds me of a joke I heard in second grade:

Q: What does Popeye do when his dick is sore?

A: He soaks it in Olive Oil.

Why does Michael Jackson spread soft cheese on his knob?

Cos kids`ll do anything for the taste of Dairy-Lea.

Al, that was fookin sick and funny

How do you stop a pitbull terrier from humping your leg??

You let him finish.

What does Michael Jackson and KMart have in common??

Boys pants half off.

Bin Laden dies and gets to the gates of hell where he`s met by Satan. "Hello Osama,i have 3 choices for you,but you must choose 1 of them".

In the first room,Michael Jackson is having fireworks shoved up his arse,"I dont fancy that one" Bin says,

In the second room,Charles Mason is having hot nails hammered into his eyes,"Fuckin no way".

In the third & final room,President Bush is having his cock sucked 24hrs a day,"Yes,Yes,Yes i choose this"

The devil replies "OK,Tony you can fuck off now".

Originally posted by kamar khan dumb joke and probally done a million times but still fun to do when you are bored.call a grocery store and ask if they have olive oil in a bottle, when they say yes, tell them that they better let her out cause popeye is getting mad.then call a popeyes chicken and ask if this is popeyes, when they say yes, tell them to get their asses to the grocery store cause they have olive oil in a bottle.and call a dunkin donuts and asked if their boston cremes are filled with seamen, they usually say yes and then laugh your ass off.not really jokes and not really funny, but im easily amused.

can you explain why they would say yes to that last one to us in the uk pleeze?

A guy picks up a girl on the street.

They go to his place, where they immediately go at it. The guy, feeling bold, shoves his dick in the girl's ass in one swift stroke.

She turns around and says, "Isn't it presumptuous of you to think I'd want your dick in my ass?"

The guy looks stunned.

"Presumptuous?!" he stammers. "That's a pretty big word for an 8-year old!"

Not a proper joke, just found this toon on the web, fans of Dave Chappelle's show will like it just fine.......

A tiny bit sick

Whats the good thing about shaggin 28 year olds? Theres 20 of them!

(stole this one from a t-shirt)

Q: What do necrophiliacs and beer drinkers have in common?

A: They both get the uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one. :p