Men and women

Let the story begin....

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all! She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs flyover a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.

I lost the will to live mid-way through that story. You Jackanory reject!

Originally posted by James Stephen Barnes I lost the will to live mid-way through that story. You Jackanory reject!

Originally posted by Ben One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

damn, that sucks. i'd rather get on with the boinking, myself. save that 'hold me' crap for later.

By the way... This is not a true story. :D

Originally posted by Ben By the way... This is not a true story. :D

although i'm sure many men are taking notes and waiting to use it on their ladies! ;)

Good one, though. Yer very creative.

Originally posted by AgentWood > Originally posted by Ben By the way... This is not a true story. :D

although i'm sure many men are taking notes and waiting to use it on their ladies! ;)

Copiously. This will be sure to improve my love life...when I get one.

Originally posted by Spotnick > Originally posted by Ben By the way... This is not a true story. :D

Yeah, I knew nobody would do that ;)

My wife wouldn't do that to me :D

Do you wanna bet on it?

I hate you.

Originally posted by Ben By the way... This is not a true story. :D

Still very boring, true or not.

And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

i thought it went something like boys go to mars to get more candy bars and girls go to jupiter to get more stupider? ummm, it was funny in 3rd grade.

anyways funny story :)

i cant stand when my girlfriend gives me shit for watching football on sundays and how i get upset when she calls during the game to talk non-football stuff, but if i call her during "everwood" i get yelled at