A few things i find in my email inbox i thought i might share...
On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, following people are suddenly stranded by a shipwreck:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, and another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the Chinese woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; but how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't getting laid either.
A depressed young Clare woman was so desperate that he decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea.
When she went down the water, a handsome young sailor (from Kerry, incidentally!) noticed her tears and took pity on her.
"Look, you've got a lot to live for, " he said. "I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded. After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later during a routine search, the captain discovered her. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors", she explained. "He's taking me to America, and he's feeding me."
"What are you doing for him?" said the captain. "He's screwing me" said the girl. "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Tarbert to Killimer ferry . . ."
The 7 dwarfs go to the Vatican, because they have requested an audience, And as they are the seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the pope. Dopey leads the pack.
"dopey my son" says the pope "what can I do for you?" dopey asks, "excuse Me, your excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and Answers "no, dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around And gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "your worship, are there any dwarf nuns in the whole of Europe?" the pope,
Puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "dopey there are No dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, dopey Turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Dopey turns back and Says "your extreme holiness! Are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the World?"
After consulting with his advisors, the pope responds, "I'm sorry son, There are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse in an heap, rolling, laughing and pounding the Floor, tears streaming down their cheeks as they begin chanting... "dopey sh**ged a penguin!" "dopey sh**ged a penguin!"
