IMDB Quotes

I love imdb.com, especially for the quotes section. But this disturbed me while I was looking up "Walker, Texas Ranger" quotes....something about it strikes me as, well...I'll let you read it:

Mexican: This is Mexico, Ranger! You've got no right! Ranger Cordell Walker: I've got no right? Mexican: No! [Walker punches the Mexican] Ranger Cordell Walker: I think that was a pretty good right.

Let's see John Cleese come up with sumpin' funnier 'n' 'at!

What about this says "memorable quote"?

Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Cookies and cream, Big Dog? C.D. Parker: This isn't an intensive care and your feet aren't plastered to cement. Come on back here and help yourself. I'm busy! [Trivette walks behind counter] Ranger Cordell Walker: I'd like some coffee! Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Sure, customer! Coming right up! [Alex walks in] A.D.A. Alex Cahill: Hey guys! C.D. Parker: Would you like some coffee?

Apparently they love coffee in Texas

I'm running low on good Walker quotes, this was the last gem I could find (you may remember it from one of Conan's many Walker Lever pulls)

C.D. Parker: And how are you doing, little partner? Lucas Simms: Fine, and it's little visitor now. Ranger Cordell Walker: [chuckles] Lucas Simms: Usdi adadamdvhidohi is how you say it in Cherokee. C.D. Parker: Oh, pardon my French, but I'll be damned. Lucas Simms: Walker told me I have AIDS.

Apparently the Winn-Dixie's closed; who's got time (or the interest) to look up Walker, Texas Ranger quotes?

Don't forget the memorable theme:

In the eyes of a ranger, The unsuspecting stranger, Had better know the truth of wrong from right,

'Cause the eyes of a ranger are upon you, Any wrong you do, he's gonna see,

When you're in Texas, look behind you,

'Cause that's where the rangers gonna be

I think I'm beginning to see why Trev's love interest is, well, "busy."

bLuE oRdEr wrote: I think I'm beginning to see why Trev's love interest is, well, "busy."

Yeah, Star Wars and Walker Texas Ranger do not a chick attract...thank god she knows nothing about my prediliction for animal husbandry

Anyway, that quote is so great I'm gonna post it twice:

C.D. Parker: And how are you doing, little partner? Lucas Simms: Fine, and it's little visitor now. Ranger Cordell Walker: [chuckles] Lucas Simms: Usdi adadamdvhidohi is how you say it in Cherokee. C.D. Parker: Oh, pardon my French, but I'll be damned. Lucas Simms: Walker told me I have AIDS.

Leroy Green: The truth will be revealed only to eyes unclouded by desire. Sho'nuff: It's mumbo jumbo like that and skinny little lizards like you thinkin' they the Last Dragon that gives kung-fu a bad name.

Sho'nuff: I am the Shogun of Harlem! Kiss my Converse, Leroy!

Sho'nuff: Well, well, well. If it isn't the serious, elusive, Leroy Green. I've been waiting a long time for this Leroy. I am sick and tired of hearing these bullshit Superman stories about the wassa legendary Bruce Leroy catching bullets with his teeth. Catches bullets with his teeth? Nigga please.

Trevor: Ummm...uhhh...(looks bashfully at floor as he shuffles his feet)...Krystal Ann, I was...uhhh...wondering; would you like to come over, and maybe we could, uhhh, do something, like...uhhh...look up Walker, Texas Ranger quotes on IMDB?

Krystal Ann: Oh, Trevor, you're so sweet! But I can't, because I'll be busy washing my hair tonight...I'm sorry...

Trevor: That's OK, Krystal Ann...maybe we could look up Walker, Texas Ranger quotes some other time, huh?

Krystal Ann: Sure, Trevor, maybe some other time.

Later, talking with "the girls"...

Krystal Ann...him I was washing my...OHMYGAWD!!!!There goes Jimmy Joe in his new Mustang! He is so fine! (sigh)....

i dont get it:\ohwell:

Digital Spike wrote: i dont get it:\ohwell:

What in the world one can get at 4 am??? Go to bed, Spike :)

Just because I watched it last night, from The Big Lebowski...

Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.

The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."

The Dude: Jesus.

Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

[darkgreen]Green[/darkgreen] wrote: Just because I watched it last night, from The Big Lebowski...

Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.

The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."

The Dude: Jesus.

Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

Greatest movie of all-time .

In an attempt to lighten the mood after the day we've had today, here's another classic from "Walker, Texas Ranger":

Rapist: Ranger, you screwed up! You forgot to read us our rights. Ranger Cordell Walker: You're right! You have the right (kicks the rapist) to remain silent.

Hannett of the Apes wrote:

Greatest movie of all-time .

I certainly never get tired of watching that, that's for sure. There are rumblings that a special edition DVD of TBL is due later this year..........

Taboo # 7 wrote: I love imdb.com, especially for the quotes section. But this disturbed me while I was looking up "Walker, Texas Ranger" quotes....something about it strikes me as, well...I'll let you read it:

Mexican: This is Mexico, Ranger! You've got no right! Ranger Cordell Walker: I've got no right? Mexican: No! [Walker punches the Mexican] Ranger Cordell Walker: I think that was a pretty good right.

classic one!!

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star. Lone Starr: What? Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. Lone Starr: What's that make us? Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

Colonel Sandurz: Sir, do you think we're being too literal? Dark Helmet: No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.

Dot Matrix: Can we talk? OK, we all know Prince Valium is a pill. But you could have married him for your father's sake and had a headache for the next 25 years.

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!

A long one, but utterly hilarious:

Robot: Well, this is going to take a long time, so you may want to get some snacks. Frylock: No, no, that's all right. I think I can wait for it. Shake: Well, I'M going to get food. Robot: THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed. Frylock: Well, that still doesn't tell me why you... Robot: I'm not finished. YOU should have gotten a snack. A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train, " but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way. Meatwad: Boy, this IS a long story. Maybe I WILL get something to eat. Carl: Yeah, I think I'm gonna get drunk while I listen.

Lionel Hutz: This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story. Homer: So, do you think I have a case? Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American history.

Does anyone watch Arrested Development?

Maeby: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the ‘T’ on it?

Michael: That’s a cross.

Maeby: Across from where?

Martin Hannett: Well, this is goodbye. I mean, we obviously have nothing in common. I'm a genius, you're all fucking wankers. You'll never see me again. You don't deserve to see me again.

Tony Wilson: You can't threaten me, Martin. You're a big man, but you're out of shape. Although you could sit on me.

Hannett of the Apes wrote: Martin Hannett: Well, this is goodbye. I mean, we obviously have nothing in common. I'm a genius, you're all fucking wankers. You'll never see me again. You don't deserve to see me again.

Tony Wilson: You can't threaten me, Martin. You're a big man, but you're out of shape. Although you could sit on me.

Nice...using quotes from 24HPP (this is a New Order site...the New Order site...after all).

I love the moment in AQHF when Master Shake has been whining about getting a PDA, and at the end he crashes through Carl's window saying Hey Carl, look! I'm Batman!

Carl pauses....Hey hey hey! I'm Batman too!, and jumpes to his death out the window.

For some reason I find that hysterical

The ATHF that gets me is when the Mooninites and Meatwad steal the porn from Carl and take that and his dresser out to the woods. They tell Meatwad to burn the drawer and Meat says "Ah, but that's where Carl keeps his clothes!" "Look at the girls in this magazine, they don't have any clothes on, and they're not complaining!!!" "Okay, I'll do it" (dialog not exactly the same probably, but that's the general idea).

The Batman line made me laugh out too.

A couple from The Office......

David Brent: Well, there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that Neil will be taking over both branches, and some of you will lose your jobs. Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon, if you wanna stay. I know, gutting. On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted, so... every cloud. You're still thinking about the bad news aren't you?

Rowan: Gareth, quick test exercise, ultimate fantasy?

Gareth: Hmm?

David Brent: We're just doing the ultimate fantasy, we're all doing it.

Gareth: Two lesbians probably, sisters. I'm just watching.

Rowan: Oh, um, Tim? Do you have one?

Tim: I'd never thought I'd have to say this, but can I hear more from Gareth please?

[darkgreen]Green[/darkgreen] wrote: The ATHF that gets me is when the Mooninites and Meatwad steal the porn from Carl and take that and his dresser out to the woods. They tell Meatwad to burn the drawer and Meat says "Ah, but that's where Carl keeps his clothes!" "Look at the girls in this magazine, they don't have any clothes on, and they're not complaining!!!" "Okay, I'll do it" (dialog not exactly the same probably, but that's the general idea).

The Batman line made me laugh out too.

In the same episode as the Batman quote, there's a demented trip on a submarine in the tar pits and the captain keeps making suggestive comments (I can't remember them, but they're utterly hilarious. A bit of a rip-off of "Airplane", but great nonetheless).

Another ATHF classic:

Err: Oh man, you gotta check this out. Meatwad: Oh yeah baby, that's a neat car she's washing. You think that's a straight 6? Err: I think I have a straight 6. Inignot: Ooooo. Err, your sexual innuendo is priceless

Sally: Well, I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell. Det. Frank Drebin: Jim Fell's the teller? Sally: No, Jim Johnson. Det. Frank Drebin: Who's Jim Fell? Ed: He's the auditor, Frank. Sally: He had the flu, so Jim... filled in. Det. Frank Drebin: Phil who? Ed: Phil Din. He's the night watchman. Sally: Oh, if only Phil had been here...

Det. Frank Drebin: My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad. There'd been a recent wave of gorgeous fashion models found naked and unconscious in laundromats on the West Side. Unfortunately, I was assigned to investigate holdups of neighborhood credit unions. I was across town doing my laundry when I got the call on the double killing. It took me twenty minutes to get there. My boss was already on the scene.

Det. Frank Drebin: I'd just come from the stockyards. We'd gotten reports of hundreds of cows had been senselessly slaughtered in the area, but I couldn't find any evidence. I stopped off for a hamburger and checked in with headquarters.

Ted Olson: These guns are identical to the one that killed Jim Johnson. Watch carefully as I test fire this gun into these video tapes of Barbara Walter's interviews.

[after a ballistic test using Barbara Walters interview tapes] Ted Olson: You'll notice that the bullet only penetrated to the point where Barbara asks Katharine Hepburn what kind of tree she wants to be.