INDIANA JONES AND THE DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES Trevor Seigler
[Interior] (JONES is at the front door of the DMV, waiting in line behind several other patrons. He is impatient to get his license renewed and get on the road to Venice, where Brody awaits to follow him on a quest to track down the final destination of his esteemed father, HENRY JONES. He has little time for the line)
Jones: Hurry up, will ya? Some of us don't have all day.
1st Patron (in line directly ahead of JONES): Hey buddy, you don't get to be in a hurry when you're in line at the DMV.
2nd Patron (behind JONES): Yeah, stuff it. We could be here for hours.
Jones (antagonized): I don't *have* time, alright? I need to get to Venice to track down my father, and I need my motorcycle license so we can ride away from the Nazi fortress where Dad is being held in the hopes that he'll lead them to the Holy Grail!
1st Patron: Holy Grail? Wasn't that a Monty Python movie?
2nd Patron: It's a classic...
1st Patron: It's been years. I think I'll rent it tonight. The seventies sure were a good time.
Jones (more agitated): Dammit, we don't have time for this! Bellocq's got the Ark of the Covenant, and I need to get all my qualifications in order to ride on the grill of the Mercedes truck he's shipping it on from Cairo!
1st Patron: Wait, I thought you had to save your dad, and find a copy of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
Jones (confused): What did I just say?
2nd Patron: You said something about a bellhop and Noah's ark, I think.
Jones: For God's sake, don't you see? All this waiting in line, and Billie's in danger! That Indian cult will cut her heart out of her chest and lower her into the lava pits, unless I can renew my organ donor status!
2nd Patron: What? Who's "Billie"?
1st Patron: Is that your dad? Or is that the guy with an ark?
Jones (frustrated): Brody was supposed to meet me here! No doubt he's on the inside, buried so deep into the local Arab population that you'll never find him. He'll blend in within, he'll disappear from your grasp before you even knew you had him.
[Cut to: Brody outside DMV office]
Brody: I say, does anyone speak English?
DMV Official: Are you here for a driving test?
Brody: Hmm, I suppose...wait, what am I driving?
DMV Official: Follow me, sir
(DMV Official leads BRODY up an incline. Pull Back to reveal it's the back of a truck with Nazi insignia. JONES is still inside, a few feet closer to the desk than before)
Jones: Oh no, they've got Brody!
1st Patron: What, that guy with the ark?
2nd Patron: No, I think he means the Indian chief who rips people's hearts out.
Jones: I have to go! My moped personalized tag will have to wait...
2nd Patron (snickering): You drive a *moped*?
Jones: Get out of my way!
1st Patron: Not so fast, Indiana Jones! (pulls out scimitar and starts elaborate motions)
Jones: I don't have time for this (pulls out pistol; shoots 1ST PATRON dead)
(JONES now unfurls leather whip, gets it caught on the fire sprinkler on the ceiling, and flies through the air to the outside over other DMV patrons. JONES then hears a rumble behind him, turns back to see a giant BOULDER from off the DMV's roof now coming in his direction)
Jones: Oh no, not again...(takes off through cave with golden idol under his coat)
NEXT TIME: The thrilling adventure of "Indiana Jones and The Line for The Only Wal-Mart Cashier Open at Three In The Morning"
