Is it wrong to enjoy having a shit?

I think I'll copy and paste most of the comments in this thread into one 'complete crap compendium'. Some classics on here. :D

Anyway, no, there's nothing whatsoever wrong in enjoying a good Brad Pitt. Especially the life-changing ones. Where you put in unnatural effort and deposit a chair leg (long, brown, hard & won't go round the u-bend) and feel such pride in your work you're almost compelled to take a photo. At the other end of the spectrum there's the effortless yet spectacular ones, commonly fuelled by lager. You just nestle yourself onto the throne & the digestive system does most of the work, not that there's much of that due to the normally liquid-y texture. These lager fuelled evacuations mean several expeditions to the bog in the same day in my case.

Mentioned earlier, the vindaloo ones are a bastard. The only slight relief from these is putting the Andrex/Tesco's own brand/Basildon Bond into the fridge just after you finish the curry. But, the next day you feel a bit of a hero remembering the horrors you've survived. I think one of the worst experiences I had was after a feed of fish & chips with curry sauce. By the time I got to work that night my arse was burning like the Apollo rocket. The advance-warning rumbles, the bombardment of the porcelain & the wiping were all agony. I was tempted to leave the Satan's Coil floating as a 'gift' to my twat of a boss but the odour was so foul I decided even he didn't deserve it. Beside which, he'd probably charge me for the cost of re-tiling the bathroom.

To connect to the KLF thread, in the song "Build A Fire" by The KLF there's a line that I always imagined was inspired by a traumatic Eartha Kitt: "When daylight breaks we'll be down that road. Rockman & me with a lighter load." Though probably not.

Its funny cos I just logged in, after I logged out a large Chicken Tikka Jalfrezi. I have just built a veritable log cabin in the bowl, and it was most definitely very pleasurable. I feel half a stone lighter now.

Good topic.

Burt Reynolds wrote: Its funny cos I just logged in, after I logged out a large Chicken Tikka Jalfrezi. I have just built a veritable log cabin in the bowl, and it was most definitely very pleasurable. I feel half a stone lighter now.

:barf:

shouldnt this thread be titled -- 'lets talk shit part 3 ?

Christopher Owens wrote:

Burt Reynolds wrote: Its funny cos I just logged in, after I logged out a large Chicken Tikka Jalfrezi. I have just built a veritable log cabin in the bowl, and it was most definitely very pleasurable. I feel half a stone lighter now.

:barf:

Yer shiTzophreniac!

NObabe wrote:

Christopher Owens wrote:

Burt Reynolds wrote: Its funny cos I just logged in, after I logged out a large Chicken Tikka Jalfrezi. I have just built a veritable log cabin in the bowl, and it was most definitely very pleasurable. I feel half a stone lighter now.

:barf:

Yer shiTzophreniac!

ROFLMAO, I thought "eh up lads, we're gettin it in the ear in the local lingo now" when I read that, took me to do a double take and see that it wasn't Serbian (or whatever the correct tongue is, forgive my ignorance) for something about our mothers :) TBH I'm just annoyed and jealous that you can all enjoy, on a regular basis, to lay such artistic "shiny and brights" with pleasing results. Last time I desposited a decent section of water-python, I'm pretty sure I relaxed on me kilingon captains chair (no really, watch star trek 3 and tell me christopher lloyd's not droppin kids off at the pool), and hummed the Zarathrstra theme (from 2001, you know the one.....da dahhhh bomb bom bom bom bom bom etc), before checking it wasn;t an internal organ trying to make a bid for freedom.

Fuckin amazing but when I was just a little girl I could always precisely tell who took a shit before me just by the smell of it, haha. OMG, Dad - he was the worst, bloody terrorist. I even refused to go pee after him, I'd rather pee my pants instead or in the pot, jeez!! How come everyone else's shit always smells worse than your own? Surely none of you don't really mind the smell of your own. I even met a guy who was to claim that his smells of fookin peanuts. Disgusting I say!!

Also would like to add that farts in a shower they beat the smelliest shit in the world surely. Do not try this at home!

I'll get me coat now!

mike powell wrote:

http://www.shiteaters.com/

Please, tell me it's fake.

please......

:dead:

NObabe wrote: Also would like to add that farts in a shower they beat the smelliest shit in the world surely. Do not try this at home!

I'll get me coat now!

:moon:

Please do.

ahh the shower..

remember folks, dont tell anyone you live with that you piss in the shower.

Is that technically a golden shower?

Fuck, I find this thread very inspiritive ... Golden brown texture like sun ... never a frown with golden brown

See ya all in 10 minutes!

www.shiteaters.com OMG puke!:dead: :dead: :dead: Do not look at it!! I need a wash after seing that

unfortunately shiteaters is an actual site:dead: i think i better explain how i came to know about it as i dont eat shit ect. a firm that we do a lot of work for sacked a few of its staff a few years ago for d/loading porn ect during works time blah blah blah. but what tipped em over the edge was this site along with 2 others that not only got em sacked but the police involved as well. er and no i will not post the links to the other sites,if you thought that was bad (and it is)then magnify it by ten should give you a general idea.eeek.

ask Barney... (the "this is not the man I fancy" thread...)

Barney Army wrote: ahh the shower..

remember folks, dont tell anyone you live with that you piss in the shower.

Is that technically a golden shower?

Almost catched today !

• why are you standing this way in the shower ?
• erm, waiting for the rain to come, dear...

The toilet is your friend.

I'll never forget my introduction to the darker side of pornography: a woman with some brown substance wiped all over her face, and some sort of brownish object thrust in her mouth.....:barf:

But enough about Ann Coulter :p

You know you've done well when you have to run from one of your own farts.....but nothing the human digestive system is capable of is fit to even be mentioned in the same breath ( no matter how long it's held) in the same breath as dog farts. I had a border collie once who's farts could take ten mins from floor to nose, sometimes the first you knew about them was the hairs on your legs melting and the distinct twinge caused by the combined stampeding of all yer skin bacteria ahead of the deadly cloud.

my current mut can release toxic vapours with a half life of hours....he drops one, leaps awake startled as he smells it, then stares at ME, in total disgust, burries his nose in something and goes back to sleep. BASTARD!

I tell you how to NOT enjoy a "smash hit"....go to the Indian, and get a jalfrezzi, cos that happens to be a real speciality, nothing to it I hear you say, BUT, because you;ve had a few and you'd rather have a madras/vindaloo, you say "just your usual delicious jalfrezzi my good man, but toss a couple more chillies in for interest." The cook, thinking he's being helpful, leaves the extras in large chunks so as to be easily removed once they impart some heat and/or we grow up. Result, you have a delicious curry full of huge strips of death chillie, and you;re pissed and hungry....so you eat the curry and deal with te peppers much as Homer dealt with those Guatamalan insanity peppers...you just neck em to minimize contact with skin.....meaning they arive at the other end entirely unprocessed. Fuck me that hurt and there was not a thing to be done about it, I think I marinaded my arse in calamine and germolene for about 2 days.

more TMI....

Incidentally, owing to swelling causing blocks, and loss of muscle power.....my current record, attained in about march, is 11 days with nowt but a hazelnut or spit of rusty water. Such snarl ups are too common for my liking, and always end slowly, which sucks. Only once, very recently, did I get bunged up and have it all just unswell overnight. My friends I spent most of the day making bogwurst, and it was a semi religious experience.

Been laughing me fookin head of at some of the storys on here keep up the good shiting lads.

While there's been times recently when ejecting a mouse-pellet was as difficult and painful as passing an Audi estate, I must confess the worst bog experience you can have has got to be, the tummy bug. head down the bog pukin, then swap ends for rusty water expulsion...until you get to the dry pukes....it's only ever happened to me once, but with my head down the bog, I had a stalled puke reflex, causing everything to strain for a second.....and BANG, my arse exploded, got it on the PJ's the door, the floor, and then found the bit of vom I'd been tryin to get rid of, so now I was laughing, crying, ralphing and very very smelly.

LOL, I suppose the stories of bogus evacuation just go to show it's NOT wrong to enjoy taking a dump, because at very LEAST you should be grateful for it not going terribly terribly wrong.

And remember one word that may well lie in wait for many of us as we near bus pass age and beyond.... "Prolapse" Shit now, shit free my friends, for tomorrow yer arse may fall out.

That last thread so fookin funny keep it going lads.Got to go for a shit now.

Desmond Tierney wrote: This is a great thread been laughting my head of in work oh yeah i had a shit in our sink in work about 3weeks ago was a fookin nightmare nearly lost me balance and had to wipe me arse with this rough hand towel fookin killed me arse good job it was a sloppy one otherwise it would not have gone down the plug hole.

they are real dirty slobs where i work.every time i go for a piss in the sink its full of fucking cups and plates

Apparently it's perfectly normal to feel good after a good dump. My wife is a massage therapist and during her college course they learned that you get what's called a "sympathetic nerve response" when you have a good one. That's a similar feeling to when you have your back rubbed.

So there, the medical community says that it's perfectly normal to enjoy having a good dump.

I read something once that claimed that to maintain healthy levels of serotonin the average adult needs three hugs from a loved one every day. So if you eat lots of fibre and have three really great shits, is this the same thing?

And would you rather have a hug or a massive shit? And is going for a piss when you've been holding it in for ages better than sex?

Um, guess I'm just lucky and yeah healthy for all the greatest shits happening to me every MORNING, NIGHT and DAY, bless them! There is actually a quite good, kinda alternative way for those who have problems shitting: stick a little piece of a baby soup in ya bum, hang on till it's properly melt and wait for the result. I shit you not!

SHIT HAPPENS That's all i want to say on this subject. Now where can i buy some MINTY MINT bog rolls?

Tescos Mick !

i found when in canada that they banned coloured bog roll. something about the dye being dangerous to women's 'you know whats' :\ohwell:

Is whipped cream dangerous to women's you know whats?