You know you have a NOOL problem when/if.......

..... you wear a keyboard to near death in a single 18 hour day of posting, mailing and msn'ing to and with the inmates of this site.

You keep mentioning the members on this site in your conversation and your mates are thinking "WTF? Who the bloody hell are those people?"

• You spend half a year thinking Steve Campbell is the black dude who drummed in Duran Duran for a year in 1990.

When you discuss thread with people who have no clue who New Order are.

Or

You discuss the Breasts thread with your wife who claims that there are no such things as 38 EEs.

Your best mate has a row with you about it.

The site is at fault for introducing me to Rocket Mick

.. when your stupid country doesn't support paypal and when you're the only obsessive poster from Siberia. PATHETIC!!

Phew! Have a smoke Babe

...when you sign on at 5:06 a.m. concerned about the state of some Irish dude's diseased scrotum.

awww, that's sweet Gnu!

.. when you'd been playing nool cricket for hours the whole day yesterday (Sat) instead of hanging out with your mates and you still bloody suck at it ..

.. when you refuse visiting the Ceremony forum cause you've only found out that the bastards will be playing again and you're being stuck in a lonely place and you're little heart is breaking but you feel like it's a wild world out there and nobody gives a damn ..

.. when a mod erases "I wanna do things to Gillian" topic and the "Barney marry me" one is still there - fuckin steet justice!!

NObabe wrote: awww, that's sweet Gnu!

.. when you'd been playing nool cricket for hours the whole day yesterday (Sat) instead of hanging out with your mates and you still bloody suck at it ..

.. when you refuse visiting the Ceremony forum cause you've only found out that the bastards will be playing again and you're being stuck in a lonely place and you're little heart is breaking but you feel like it's a wild world out there and nobody gives a damn ..

.. when a mod erases "I wanna do things to Gillian" topic and the "Barney marry me" one is still there - fuckin steet justice!!

...

When your heart flutters at the merest knowledge that some of the fine folks here-listed have responded to you thread.

And....yeah...when you spent your entir saturay from bed-to-bed here, talking you the international brotherhood of freaks.

And, when a bunch of world wide randoms gives more of a monkey's about you than half yer mates :)

......when you ask Maya to marry you twice (or was it 3 times) in one day :)

(sorry Jem, she put something in my drink, you know it;s you I love really)

it must have been weed

Steve , did she say YES?

digital mike binoche wrote: Steve , did she say YES?

Still waiting on an answer actually.

Shug wrote: .....you spend more time on a music forum than you spend on dodgy porn sites

That's one I hadn't even considered...and very valid it is too.

....when you start having bets on the top 10 posters of the last 24 hours... (well, we know Campbell is a cert for starters!)

When you don't have access at work to the internet and NOOL and you get really pissed off that you have to wait til you get home to catch up on what fucked up shit has been happening

.....people know what voice you're writing particular lines in eh miss Chapman ? :)

Steve Campbell wrote: .....people know what voice you're writing particular lines in eh miss Chapman ? :)

Samantha Chapman wrote: ....when you start having bets on the top 10 posters of the last 24 hours... (well, we know Campbell is a cert for starters!)

The other day, it said he had posted 101 times in the past 24 hours! You've passed the century mark, Steve!

I think I seen 106....but that was secondary only to what I was looking there for.... JEM, jem's got the real problen...look at those stats any weekday teatime(UK) and you will see Jem is right there next to me (Bless, it's sweet isn't it). She will then STAY there until the next morning some time.

Why is this impressive...because she only logs in for an hour or wto...and posts so MUCH unmitigated shite that she's ranked 2nd only to yours truly on the Gobshite-in-chief scale (this only happened to me when I decided to go to apollo14, I was much qiter before that), and no one beats her for like 16 hours. (it's a rolling 24 hours)

You KNOW you have a NOOL problem when you find yourself thinkin....."Fook, she's SO my kinda chick" based purely on how much gibbering manure she spouts on these hallowed fora. (That's Sam AND Jen after my blood now no doubt...I'll leave my machiens to the NOOL-Community gear pool when they catch me.)

...you meet absolute weirdos like our very own Steve Cambell.

...an old git like Johnny feels it's a great night when he has had an argument with you.

...someone like Maya finds you a sex god and wants to offer you fellatio.

...someone like Liam feels the need to question your taste in music.

I LOVE YASE ALL.

user="Christopher Owens"...you meet absolute weirdos like our very own Steve Cambell.

International ulsterman at yer service sir :)

...an old git like Johnny feels it's a great night when he has had an argument with you.

Imagine how good he;d feel if he nutted you.

...someone like Maya finds you a sex god and wants to offer you fellatio.

now Chris, remember the conversation we had about the difference between "dreams" and "reality"?

...someone like Liam feels the need to question your taste in music.

Why single Liam out, people here question your musical tastes as freely as my sanity. :D

Steve Campbell wrote: ...you meet absolute weirdos like our very own Steve Cambell.

International ulsterman at yer service sir :)

...an old git like Johnny feels it's a great night when he has had an argument with you.

Imagine how good he;d feel if he nutted you.

...someone like Maya finds you a sex god and wants to offer you fellatio.

now Chris, remember the conversation we had about the difference between "dreams" and "reality"?

...someone like Liam feels the need to question your taste in music.

Why single Liam out, people here question your musical tastes as freely as my sanity. :D

I know Johnny'd like to nut me, and I bet he gets excited at the thought of it.

Did we have a conversation about reality? Did you not just make that up?

I singled Liam out because he has made a never ending effort to slag off my taste, so I just point and laught at him.:D

Christopher Owens wrote:

...an old git like Johnny feels it's a great night when he has had an argument with you.

I might give the fighting a miss next Saturday night ,C.I might actually go out on the town clubbing.Catch up on some old mates and the real world.The oldest swinger in town!!!

Johnny wrote:

The oldest swinger in town!!!

There's nothing sadder than an aging hipster.

....you mute Dr Who to concentrate on someone's posted wibblings.

..... a family member tells you you're burning the Sunday dinner cos you've been talking balls here again. You then let it burn some more in order to tell everyone you burned it.

Steve Campbell wrote: ..... a family member tells you you;re burning the Sunday dinner cos you;ve been talking balls here again. You then let it burn some more in order to tell everyone you burnde it.

...you check back often to see how long this stupid thread has become.

Watch out for Maya: the upcoming documentary Hostel is set to expose just exactly what all you Eastern European babes are up to.

......you actually think "eh up, mind yer backs, it's violence time" when you see that smilie.

Here...Gnu....you;ve some decent kit mate don't you? have you left it to anyone yet :D :D :D ?

you've had three different accounts on here that all logged over 1000 posts.

you find a new forum that seems fun, a younger forum that's better looking, but you still come back to this one.

You think other NOOL's think that you are NOT mad.My main problem with NOOL is that i am scared of missing a THREAD,i feel i must REPLY and can't wait for more NEW ORDER news.It is also far SAFER here than the REAL WORLD that i live in.I am such a LOWLIFE and need to have something in my LIFE that is warm and comforting.I have only been barred ONCE on here too.I wonder sometimes why i get BOTHERED if someone does not POST for awhile.But then again ONLINE friends are like jobs.Easy to LOSE.

.....you start nodding while readin the Rocket's posts.... while still skirting comprehension much as a dog circles a skunk.

Steve Campbell wrote: .....you start nodding while readin the Rocket's posts....

And saying 'yes!' in agreement after every word which is written in CAPITAL letters. Or is that just me?

.....When you're up till 3 O'clock in the pissing morning talking about Tescos!!

....you're pissed off at having to go to bed cos you'll miss some good stuff.

...when you've read every reply to this thread and everyone's said everything that came to your mind. But you leave a reply anyways. Go me

...when you add this thread to your Favorites list so you can check back to see if anyone has commented on your reply.

When you look at the clock one minute, at 3:50 PM, and the next thing you know, it's 3:51 PM...

Oh, sorry, I messed up. I meant 3:51 am

Back in the day...that was me.

when you slag off all your earthly responsibilities to check for new posts every five minutes.

His Holiness, The Pope wrote: when you slag off all your earthly responsibilities to check for new posts every five minutes.

Five minutes? You must be joking...try 2 1/2, amateur!

everbody at work has become aware of nool.

.....you're wondering who's said what as you make your morning coffee.

...you realise you'd be perfectly willing to start pulling heads off on behalf of a bunch of fookers you never met :)

Mad as tits is'nt it? Its like that fukin daft Soap Opera addiction some people get,only with crac...At which point does it become a problem?Hmm hard to tell..Its mental tho

......youstart to hate someone you've never met, cos it's getting on for 11 am and Jem's boss obviously has the poor girl working too hard to come skive off with us.

(this may, more accurately be a problem related to a sudden discovery of an affinity for mental cases from Bolton)

Steve Campbell wrote: ......youstart to hate someone you've never met, cos it's getting on for 11 am and Jem's boss obviously has the poor girl working too hard to come skive off with us.

(this may, more accurately be a problem related to a sudden discovery of an affinity for mental cases from Bolton)

go to bed. i'm about to.

...If you reply to topics you don't even really care about just to up your postings to try to get into the "top ten in 24 hrs".

...If you're on here so much that you haven't a clue what's going on in the news. (Except for NO/JD related news!)

.....when something major happens, you;re first thought is I hope all the NOOLers are OK.

BTW. I'm here, Jem's here, the top ten posters thing's just a pipe dream. Tho I suspect that both myself and the deputy gobshite-in-chief have non-nool relted duties to attend to today :)

... when you get annoyed with people for making you do work when you're trying to catch up on the weekends topics!

... when you remember every hundred threads you've responded to recently and go back and check if there are any new comments.

... you get a mad oirish stalker...! (Ha just joshin')

...you dream in avatars...

You're at the bar and you say "4 pints of Stella please......submit"

And when you meet people from the site and they call you by your nickname...arrrrggghh!!!!

I know, my real name is Dr horatio aggle-creature. And I bet you think "should I make it 5 for DMB"? don't ya

....when, despite being but a simple bolton lass, and despite only having 3-5 hours a day in which to post, while the boss looks away and all, you STILL manage to not only end up second the Campbell[1] only the "most gibberous" list...you FOOKIN STAY THERE TIL ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE YOU LOG IN THE NEXT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carlsberg don't do stalkers, but if they did, I'd be it :)

[1]the "me" thing sucked so bad on the sedation thread I fear I may always use the 3rd (or 5th) person in future.

Hey is that you on your new avatar?

Yeah, I'd been wondering why I hadn't heard the distant thud of your knickers hitting the ground actually :)

See Barney thread on DR for my inspiration on matters mutlisunglassular

...You accidentally call your friends by a fellow NOOL-er's screen name.

...You have more friends here than in real life.

...You post a topic about any NO/JD related thing...even if it's really stupid.

I hear the distant distinctive {clickety Clickety} sound of an account deletion followed swiftly by an email address change.

leather_girl wrote: ...You accidentally call your friends by a fellow NOOL-er's screen name.

Oooooh not done that yet, YET.

leather_girl wrote:

...You have more friends here than in real life.

That one's getting into "we demand a recount" territory actually.

Steve Campbell wrote: I hear the distant distinctive {clickety Clickety} sound of an account deletion followed swiftly by an email address change.

Shaaat aaaap! What's wrong with you? At least you've not got three heads? Although "SHOULDA GONE TO SPECSAVERS" springs to mind. What are you doing you plum?

you're SO not gonna get rid of me makin me laugh THAT hard chick :)

Read the barney thread on digital republic(you know the one where people talk about that band....errrrr.......new thingy) for a full description.

For now.... Eclipse, if you know what i mean fine, if you don;t that's fine too, but you should probably read more.

5 points of you work out what's really being said is a mangled quote,and don't hit me.

Missy Jem wrote: Hey is that you on your new avatar?

Gross! Your nutsack really is swollen and irritated!

A picture of your face would do next time.

you will pay for that one :)

You know you've got Nool problem when…

you decide to spend on Nool half an hour to check what's happened the last day… and find yourself right there five hours later… trying to answer something in a language you just can hardly manage to people you don't always understand anyway…

Your English? Bad? beats the piss out of me French :)

(or my english for that matter)

... your wife asks you who's that Maya you're dreaming about each and every night

Night terrors are often hardest on the sufferer's partner. :(

don't care as long as I don't see it again :)

I wonder what would have happened if the hole in the ground each of you wished for turned up at once :) stabbing offence mate defo :)

......when you can no longer comprehend the time/date stamps on the threads through tiredness yet resist bed cos you;re sure you;ve missed a joke to be seen, or an argument to be stoked for the night.

When you're on the phone with someone for business, and you're reading a post that makes a guffaw unleash itself from your belly, and you have to pretend like it didn't happen...

(and all of you are hilarious, so you're all guilty in my book. )

When you're computer dies and you go to the campus computer lab twice a day to check this site.

When you're sitting in class and you think up the perfect response to a topic.

When you and another NOOLer start discussing what your next avatars should be.

When you talk to another NOOLer online and you ask, "Why didn't you reply to my post?"

When a NOOLer you met at a Cure gig calls you up and leaves a message on your voice mail.

....When you say "hang on" to guests at your house because you spotted that one of the usual suspects has responded to your post.

....you;ve left instructions with your next of kin to let everyone here know in the event of your death

...under "next of kin" on your passport it has only a forum nick and an email address

I feel we may need to collate these and form them into a survey.

....when you start likening your work colleagues to the smilies that are on offer...

For example, this is my boss...

...When you travel to a country or city where another NOOL-er lives and you attempt to find them...but you don't know their real name so you try to find them by their screen name.(Which is hopeless and ridiculous, I know.)

...You've memorized the codes for the smiley faces that you don't need to click on them to put them in your post; you just need to type in the code.

...When you're sitting in class during a lecture and all you're thinking about is, "What's going on at NOOL...?"

...When you've ceased to visit any other website than NOOL.

........you THINK Rocket Mick doesn't EXIST!:D

Who?

........when you're actually blacking our at the keyboard, borderline dribbling, and setting fire to your nose during ciggie ignition but you STILL check back here to see if anyone has a new problem worse than blacking out at the keyboard, borderline dribbling and setting fire to their nose during ciggie ignition.

....you find yourself wondering if MICK really does exists or whether he's just Hyde to DMB's Jeckyl....and thinking.....but i met the cunt I did, I DID I tell you.

when you've started laughing during a serious conversation because you're (still) reading NOOL, and you have to send the thread link to the confabulating partner in crime so they don't get further annoyed at your lack of attention - and then they start giggling, too.

when you're padding around your place creating voices for all the people on the forums.

when you don't even bother shutting down the link and leave it loaded in Firefox 24 hrs a day, and reload obsessively.

When you begin to wonder "is this the third or fourth time I've brought up" whatever topic...and you can't remember

When your NOT working Nights,can't sleep and get up at daft o'clock to see what gives...

When you start listening to Blue Order for advice on your love life

When Rocket Mick starts to make sense :p

When, after posting something then leaving the site, you start having convulsions and sweat starts dripping off your head because you're convinced that you're missing a really interesting conversation that's going on right now after you've left, so you come back and...nothing

When you start leaving links to stuff that you've gotten published on other sites: http://www.upstatelink.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051213/LINK/512130323/1123

When you have some of your ribs removed so that you're more comfortable leaning over the keyboard (and subsequently better able to "self-pleasure" yourself...okay, that was too far)

when you are at work and you automaticly click on nool in your favourites, rather than the work function you were after.

Taboo # 7 wrote: When you start listening to Blue Order for advice on your love life

All I'm sayin' is, if you don't want to end up alone like me, you'll follow my advice.

twist wrote: When you discuss thread with people who have no clue who New Order are.

Or

You discuss the Breasts thread with your wife who claims that there are no such things as 38 EEs.

Women as a whole are so wrong about bra measurements. Take your wife to Rigby & Pellor as a treat, the measure without using a tape and she will get fitted into the tightest most comfortable bra ever.. I went from a 38B to a 30E (talk about wearing the wrong size for years...) and when you tell the unconverted your new bra size they don't believe you.. trouble is.. most of the chain stores only stock the wrong size bra's every woman has to wear, so bra's are a little harder to find...

Mrs Milky wrote:

twist wrote: When you discuss thread with people who have no clue who New Order are.

Or

You discuss the Breasts thread with your wife who claims that there are no such things as 38 EEs.

Women as a whole are so wrong about bra measurements. Take your wife to Rigby & Pellor as a treat, the measure without using a tape and she will get fitted into the tightest most comfortable bra ever.. I went from a 38B to a 30E (talk about wearing the wrong size for years...) and when you tell the unconverted your new bra size they don't believe you.. trouble is.. most of the chain stores only stock the wrong size bra's every woman has to wear, so bra's are a little harder to find...

....when there's a whole army of people who claim to be you.

Taboo # 7 wrote: When you start leaving links to stuff that you've gotten published on other sites: http://www.upstatelink.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051213/LINK/512130323/1123

Great article, man. Congratulations on getting published. What are you gonna do with all that money?

;)

Gnu Odor wrote:

Taboo # 7 wrote: When you start leaving links to stuff that you've gotten published on other sites: http://www.upstatelink.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051213/LINK/512130323/1123

Great article, man. Congratulations on getting published. What are you gonna do with all that money?

;)

It's always been my dream to buy a yacht and rechristen it "Big Ass Yacht" on the stern...or bow, whatever you call the back of a boat

Yeah, a lot of guys name their boats after their wives.

LOL

I know a guy who's life's ambition is buy either a 911 GT1 or a ferarri F50, and strip it back to the body and paint it all over in camoflage coloured Hammerite

(textured hard wearing exterior paint for those that don't have it)

....when, while writing to your bank manager you type a into the letter.