Comrade Shampanyov’s Internet Guide to the Petra Pan Complex
Or how to be a teenager and refuse to grow up, well into middle age
1): Always seek attention. Being a Petra Pan is all about shouting “LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY”!!!! Here’s how you do it:
* Always write in a cutesy teen-style font. Use a special font, with a special size, and always use a cutesy-teen color that really stands out—Purple, for instance. THAT really screams “LOOK AT ME”!!!!
* When you’re a newbie logging onto an internet forum, try something risqué, to make yourself stand out from the crowd. Something really risqué, like posting pics of yourself with your minge hanging out. THAT really screams “LOOK AT ME”!!!!
* Give yourself a saucy nickname—one that really captures attention. Yes, you might feel like using “SadBint,” because that’s how you feel, but DON’T!!! Being a Petra Pan is all about appearances, so stay away from names like “SadBint,” and find yourself a properly SAUCY name!
* Post constant attention-drawing references to yourself. One tried and true technique that has served teens well since the dawn of time is “I’m so crazy.” Variations on this theme for the Petra Pan in you include referring to yourself as “crazy lady,” I’m crazy, but in a good way,” etc. get creative with this one. For example, try “I can’t sleep,” or “I haven’t slept for days.” That implies you’re crazy. 
These old chestnuts scream “LOOK AT ME”!!!!
Another good theme that you should mine for all it’s worth is “I’m so drunk.” When in doubt, ALWAYS go with this one. And again, get creative. Try “I’m going out to get drunk later.” And “I just got home, and I’m so drunk.” Or “I’ve been drinking so much, the thought of food makes me :dead:” Or “I’ve only had nice beer.” Or “I wish I was more drunk than I already am.” You get the idea. ALWAYS pepper your conversations with these gems. They scream “LOOK AT ME”!!!!
* Sleep around. Or at least pretend you’re sleeping around. And this is the important part: MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNOWS. Nothing screams out “LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY” like dropping well-placed references to your sleeping around. After all, it’s titillating, which is a sure-fire attention getter, and avoiding commitment is a hallowed hallmark of the Petra Pan. You get a twofer with this one, so don’t neglect it.
2) A proper teen is ALWAYS concerned with popularity. So get out there and make loads and loads of new best friends. Make friends with all the girls. When you meet a new girl you don’t know yet, let her know you want to be friends. Tell her things like “Hi, I have a sneaking suspicion we’ll get on. I hope so.” Never mind that you don’t actually know your new best friends, the point is to make friends with the “in-crowd.” Just like in high school. And just like in high school, tease all the boys with hints of sex. Believe me, it works, girl.
3) Never, ever accept responsibility for your behavior. Responsibility is the hallmark of adulthood, and you, the aspiring Petra Pan, must avoid any semblance of responsibility at all times. Avoid it like the plague. Don’t worry about people catching on—just call yourself “feisty.” Nobody will know the difference.
Well, that’s it. Three simple steps to achieve perpetual teenhood.. As you can see, it isn’t complicated at all—it just takes practice. Now you might think that sounds like a lot of work, but it’s not. Anybody—no matter how simple-minded—can do it, and it sure beats growing up.
Good luck! 
Unless there have been developments,must of missed summat....
