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Not seen many lately,so I want a top-up of new ones.So Come on....
Little Daisy comes home from school,sez to her mum.. "Little Johnny showed me his willy in the school yard today"
WHAT? "Johnny showed me his willy in the school yard,and it's like a peanut"
"What,you mean it's..err..small?"
"No.........SALTY"
Ok, a bit off-color, but:
What is best thing about being a child molestor?
Thier tiny hands make your dick look really big!
What's the difference between a woman in a church and a woman in a bathtub?
The woman in a church has hope in her soul.
Christopher Owens wrote: Why were people afraid to go shopping in Omagh town?
Costs an arm and a leg.
What's the fastest thing on 2 legs? Bobby Sands with a dinner ticket.
Uncle Liam wrote: Even I find that distasteful.
You are more of a cunt than i originally thought.
C'mon Liam, did you spend all your time here indoors? you know that joke is well mild, when bits of your town keep dissappearing, and the news reads like a bodycount, you either get a sick sense of humour or join in :D
This is a place where grown men and women stone 6 yrolds walking to school man, how can any joke be more offensie than that.
EDIT: here Owens, do you remember when the Red Hand Commando tried to do a grenade attack on a Catholic bar and the genius doing it, pulled the pin, released the tortion grip and forgot what came next?
All over Belfast the next day were proud emblams of the "No Hand Commando" accompanied by images of the bleeding red stump of ulster.
I have to revive a classic for this thread, as a work buddy and I discussed this joke this past weekend:
What do Michael Jackson and K-Mart have in common? 
They both have boy's pants half off 
LE Roberts wrote: What's the difference between a woman in a church and a woman in a bathtub?
The woman in a church has hope in her soul.
Heh...
Took me a second that one
What's the difference between the James Last Orchestra and a buffalo.
One's got horns at the front and an arsehole at the back.
ChrissMari wrote:
Took me a second that one
Took you longer than me.
And that's good, isn't it?
Uncle Liam wrote: Even I find that distasteful.
You are more of a cunt than i originally thought.
Aww. Bad day at the office? Boss shout at you? Decide to come on here and take it out on me?
You're more sad than I originally thought.
Doctor? wrote:
EDIT: here Owens, do you remember when the Red Hand Commando tried to do a grenade attack on a Catholic bar and the genius doing it, pulled the pin, released the tortion grip and forgot what came next?
All over Belfast the next day were proud emblams of the "No Hand Commando" accompanied by images of the bleeding red stump of ulster.
Fucking GENIUS!!!!!
monty wrote: What's the difference between the James Last Orchestra and a buffalo.
One's got horns at the front and an arsehole at the back.
Ahhh a victor lewis smith classic :D
Along with....
what's the difference between A pair of Dr Scholl's sandals and the drummer with Happy Mondays?
Well one bucks up the feet.
If you're on the Jerry Springer show, and your dick is two inches small... you might be a redneck.
Ahhh, I love the audience comments on the show.
Doctor? wrote:
Uncle Liam wrote: Even I find that distasteful. You are more of a cunt than i originally thought.
All over Belfast the next day were proud emblams of the "No Hand Commando" accompanied by images
might too many details there Ste. :appropriatesmilie: 
heard last night on the radio 'The Station that plays tunes that fit you and wrap like your favourite pair of old jeans. .. but pls. cover up because the Xcity Police Dept. will arrest you for exposure if you aren't wearing more than our music in public. cute.
Monty took my joke.
Yo Momma is so ugly that the government declared Halloween on her birthday.
Here's a joke I made up,
Yo momma is so ugly, instead of markers the plastic surgeons prepared the face job with a Rubik's Cube.
NIKE are making trainers for lesbians. Called NIKES FOR DYKES.
You get 50 % more tongue and you can get them off with one finger!
Yo momma is so ugly, King Kong ran away from the altar before he could get the blond chick.
Another one I made up. More improvised your Momma jokes to come.
monty wrote: NIKE are making trainers for lesbians. Called NIKES FOR DYKES.
You get 50 % more tongue and you can get them off with one finger!
wow,this is the best for me....
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles at her and says: "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know" she replies "I'm gonna get t*ts too."
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks: "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies: "I want a Barbie and Action Man."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says: "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."
[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote: A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles at her and says: "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know" she replies "I'm gonna get t*ts too."
Nice one Doc.
