Joke of the Day

A Cucumber, a Penis and an Olive:

A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
:)

AND MORAL OF THE DAY

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a Frenchie who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish" When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and your wish will come true." The French wanted to start first. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with His beer pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language (NOOLERS), you never know what shit it will land you in.

world cup one:-

A man has tickets for the World Cup final. After he has been sitting in his seat for a few minutes, the man in the seat behind him taps him on the shoulder and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"Absolutely incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, one of the great sporting events, and not use it?"

"Well actually," he says, "the seat belonged to my wife. She was supposed to come with me but she passed away. This is the first World Cup final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," replies the man. "That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else to take the seat? A friend, relative, or even a neighbour?"

The man shakes his head "No, they're all at the funeral."

moral...go to the world cup final if you can, no matter what.

Think I know that bloke...lol

Guy boards a plane,sits down.Just getting settled and this bloke comes over and says to him, "Excuse me you can't sit there"

"Piss off"

"I beg your pardon? You can't sit there"

Taking one deep breath,"Listen I've been stuck in traffic for two hours,I've been in Gate 5 for another two hours.I've not had a drop to drink for all that time. I've got two rolls of sellotape taped round me ankles,and I ain't moving for any bastard"

"WELL YOU FLY THE FUCKING THING THEN!"