Every sperm is sacred

From the first volume of the Oregon Voters' Pamphlet comes this hilarious and twisted argument. Measure 43 deals with having the parents of an unemancipated minor be given 48-hour notice before their daughter gets an abortion; current law allows all minors 15 years and older to get one without notification. (younger ages still require parental consent).

Here's a group that takes the Bible literally (at least the parts that fit their argument)

LIFE IS SACRED!

At the moment of fertilization, cells begin to divide and multiply. Every cell contains our DNA-three billion pieces of genetic information. Every cell is sacred.

The 80 trillion cells in our body are dividing and multiplying all the time. And tragically, some cells die and are replaces. Why, God kills off several hundred billion of your blood cells every day! But “Thou shalt not kill”. Only God may kill your cells.

Every cell is sacred-sperm, egg, embryo, fetus, heart, hair, fingernail. Jesus said, “Even the hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30). Every cell is God’s holy creation.

Although the Bible clearly indicates that the cells of the fetus have no soul separate from its mother (see previous argument), abortion nonetheless murders precious living cells.

According to Leviticus, a menstruating woman is unclean. She has wasted an unborn egg that could become a human life. The law should require parental notification of impending unborn uncleanliness.

Every act of masturbation kills up to 500 million unborn lives. Every sperm is sacred! Just like abortion, masturbation murders soulless cells. There should be parental notification prior to masturbation..

According to the Bible, beard shaving (Leviticus 19:27) is every bit as immoral as homosexuality! Just like abortion scrapes away life in the uterus, shaving violently scrapes away and murders million of living skin cells. Barbershops should be required to give parental notification before committing shaving sin.

Did you know that slaughtering a sacred appendix causes it to feel pain?

The Bible says that children who fail to honor their parents should be stoned to death (Exodus 21:17). Implementing biblical law as Oregon public policy could effectively eliminate teenage abortion, appendectomy, shaving, and sperm-murder.

Every cell is sacred. Every cell---from soulless fetus to fingernail---is a precious life that must not be killed.

VOTE YES TO STOP THE SLAUGHTER OF THEHOLY HANGNAILS!

(This information furnished by M. Dennis More, Traditional Prejudices Coalition.)

Oh yeah, bold terms above are as those in the actual text, page 66.

oh dear

Classic!

Nearly made me stop wanking.

Nearly.

I guess they must consider it good I haven't cut my hair since January.

What a bunch of psychos....

[darkgreen]Green[/darkgreen] wrote: Oh yeah, bold terms above are as those in the actual text, page 66.

Although it's purportedly an argument in support of the ballot measure, it's actually a satirical argument against the measure, as occasionally happens on the Oregon ballot.

Er, did I give it away?

This blue-eyed boy that wants to be wrote: I guess they must consider it good I haven't cut my hair since January.

Hair is dead already, it's only living at the root.

[darkgreen]Green[/darkgreen] wrote: The law should require parental notification of impending unborn uncleanliness.

Great.Just what I need, my son notifying me he's going to go masturbate....

"Alrighty son, here take this classic od Big 'ems in with you, and don't forget to clean up!....you don't want me to stone you, do you?"

[darkgreen]Green[/darkgreen] wrote: From the first volume of the Oregon Voters' Pamphlet comes this hilarious and twisted argument. Measure 43 deals with having the parents of an unemancipated minor be given 48-hour notice before their daughter gets an abortion; current law allows all minors 15 years and older to get one without notification. (younger ages still require parental consent).

Here's a group that takes the Bible literally (at least the parts that fit their argument)

LIFE IS SACRED!

At the moment of fertilization, cells begin to divide and multiply. Every cell contains our DNA-three billion pieces of genetic information. Every cell is sacred.

The 80 trillion cells in our body are dividing and multiplying all the time. And tragically, some cells die and are replaces. Why, God kills off several hundred billion of your blood cells every day! But “Thou shalt not kill”. Only God may kill your cells.

Every cell is sacred-sperm, egg, embryo, fetus, heart, hair, fingernail. Jesus said, “Even the hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30). Every cell is God’s holy creation.

Although the Bible clearly indicates that the cells of the fetus have no soul separate from its mother (see previous argument), abortion nonetheless murders precious living cells.

According to Leviticus, a menstruating woman is unclean. She has wasted an unborn egg that could become a human life. The law should require parental notification of impending unborn uncleanliness.

Every act of masturbation kills up to 500 million unborn lives. Every sperm is sacred! Just like abortion, masturbation murders soulless cells. There should be parental notification prior to masturbation..

According to the Bible, beard shaving (Leviticus 19:27) is every bit as immoral as homosexuality! Just like abortion scrapes away life in the uterus, shaving violently scrapes away and murders million of living skin cells. Barbershops should be required to give parental notification before committing shaving sin.

Did you know that slaughtering a sacred appendix causes it to feel pain?

The Bible says that children who fail to honor their parents should be stoned to death (Exodus 21:17). Implementing biblical law as Oregon public policy could effectively eliminate teenage abortion, appendectomy, shaving, and sperm-murder.

Every cell is sacred. Every cell---from soulless fetus to fingernail---is a precious life that must not be killed.

VOTE YES TO STOP THE SLAUGHTER OF THEHOLY HANGNAILS!

(This information furnished by M. Dennis More, Traditional Prejudices Coalition.)

Yes, I just read that from the Oregon Voters' Pamphlet during Fall Break... it's scary that this is true...

Spotnick wrote: So according to this.. overpopulating our planet is not an issue...

No, it's just satire against an anti-abortion ballot measure...

And he quotes from Monty Python... ;)

maybe right wingers should believe in evolution in the sense that if masturbators are wasting their sperm, they are not breeding. while non-masturbators are producing babies, therefore their better quality sperm is improving the human race. Darwinism at it's best, Christains should say "go ahead and beat off, you losers"