Top 5 Things to Smash Yourself in the Face With

The details are a bit hazy, but this morning I am in a position to confirm that my Gretch is an excellent thing to drunkenly smash yourself in the face with.

Aim for the eye socket, it bruises lovely.

BIGINOIL wrote: The details are a bit hazy, but this morning I am in a position to confirm that my Gretch is an excellent thing to drunkenly smash yourself in the face with.

Aim for the eye socket, it bruises lovely.

You're NEVER gonna win with a Gretch.

Next time try a Fender, they're girl's guitars, it'll bruise worse than you.

(PS, a Gibson SG may have killed you)

EDIT: Fender basses hurt BTW, I managed to dislodge the neck end strap connection on a Fender copy one night and the entire bass pivotted round on my knee the nexk time I let go of it, and I caught a machine head in the temple. (right, what cunt said "explains a lot", come on, own up)

Ironically, I bought the fucking thing because they're so good for twatting people with.

(Tim's just told his Hooky anecdote for the 110th time on the sane side, so no apologies for repeating this story...)

Johnny Marr is supposed to have given a guitar to Noel Gallagher and Noel broke it by braining a stage-invader with it.

The next day, having heard about this, Marr sent round a Gretch with a note that said that this one would crack anyone's skull without even going out of tune.

God knows how I managed to hit myself. Something to do with a tricky attempt to pick the thing up after one too many beers.

Not my first axe wound.

I once stood my brand new 12-string (ie the one with twice as many hard pointy bits on the headstock) against the sofa. I was sitting on the floor, propped up against the same sofa. Woke up in agony with several wounds on my head. The thing toppled over and struck me with some speed.

Ouch.

Top 5

sponge, water, ale cake chips.

anything else will just hurt, are you mad?

Wall unit door Garden wall Paving stone Parrot cage Table

I have had black eyes from all of these.

Pubic bone.

Cheque for £40 on it's way to Boaty

Mmph mmph!

Top Five lists (your head hitting the computer in frustration)

Spoken as one of the main purveyors of said listing system