Dwarves

Great ar'nt they ? Me and my mate were driving down the high street today chatting away,he was driving and then, breaking too slow at the traffic lights,bumped the back of the car infront,when out jumps this dwarf mad as hell.

Sooo ofcourse we started to laugh,because angry dwarves are funny however you look at it...Then this dwarf steams over shouting "what you laughing at cunts? I'm not happy I'm not fuckin HAPPY!!"

To which I composed myself, rolled the window down and said "Which one are you then?"

He did'nt answer

Always good for a giggle dwarfs are.. Anyone got any good dwarf anecdotes then ?

Prague

"You want to see sex show? We have dwarf"

"err, no thanks"

"We have dwarf having sex with monkey"

"err, still, no thanks"

"We have dwarf having sex with monkey in a suitcase"

"In a suitcase? Well why didn't you say at the start? Lead the way, mate."

LEGGY D is carrying too much baggage around with him.Let it GO!

It's not easy being a dwarf... Keep getting caught short...

Snorri xxx

Snorrimon wrote: It's not easy being a dwarf... Keep getting caught short...

Snorri xxx

Yer not STILL be asking for ID?

Boatraceface wrote: Great ar'nt they ? Me and my mate were driving down the high street today chatting away,he was driving and then, breaking too slow at the traffic lights,bumped the back of the car infront,when out jumps this dwarf mad as hell.

Sooo ofcourse we started to laugh,because angry dwarves are funny however you look at it...Then this dwarf steams over shouting "what you laughing at cunts? I'm not happy I'm not fuckin HAPPY!!"

To which I composed myself, rolled the window down and said "Which one are you then?"

He did'nt answer

Always good for a giggle dwarfs are.. Anyone got any good dwarf anecdotes then ?

you're lucky he didn't bite you.

well, this thread reeks of ableism. fascists.

I wonder if humanity selectively bred Dwarves, what kinda Super-dwarves could we breed? And the breeding program would fund itself because of the very profitable side product of internet dwarf porn which would be created. Are we scared of these potential Super-dwarves... is that why we mock them?

pumped full of drugs wrote: Are we scared of these potential Super-dwarves... is that why we mock them?

Nah....it's cos they run funny,amongst other umpa lumpa related stuff.

They can be handy during winter though,to keep the fire going.. you just chuck another dwarf on.

His Holiness, The Pope wrote: well, this thread reeks of ableism. fascists.

Surely the majority of dwarves are able-bodied, just a bit pint-sized?

Doctor Clayhead wrote:

His Holiness, The Pope wrote: well, this thread reeks of ableism. fascists.

Surely the majority of dwarves are able-bodied, just a bit pint-sized?

Can one be truely able bodied when they have fingers like pig's tits?

It has to be heightism at the very least. And what with all these isms,we are going to run out of stuff to take the piss out of.

So let's pick on dwarfs with abandon,before it is outlawed.

The thinking man's bigot

some girl i used to know was scared of midgets.

she used to cross the road whenever one of the liitle critters approached.

King John Honest John wrote: some girl i used to know was scared of midgets.

she used to cross the road whenever one of the liitle critters approached.

Snooty so an so....

I could never shun the little ankle snappers like that. Bag them up for firewood by all means,fine.. But crossing the road from them is just a tad unsavoury and smacks of ignorance and bigotry.Nice legs!

Boatraceface wrote:

Doctor Clayhead wrote:

His Holiness, The Pope wrote: well, this thread reeks of ableism. fascists.

Surely the majority of dwarves are able-bodied, just a bit pint-sized?

Can one be truely able bodied when they have fingers like pig's tits?

It has to be heightism at the very least. And what with all these isms,we are going to run out of stuff to take the piss out of.

So let's pick on dwarfs with abandon,before it is outlawed.

The thinking man's bigot

I'm sure this kinda stuff is already outlawed.

Dunno about that Ron. Maybe gaping a dwarf is outlawed,and rightly so...unless you put it back in it's suitcase neat and tidy afterwards!

Keep it up folks...

Puppet the Psycho dwarf is watchin....

and he aint HAPPY!

Dear me,dwarf claret all over the gaff! But if he is not Happy,Which one is he then ?

he needs to do some arm extension exercises.

he's just got stumps with fingers.

looks well hard though.

Snow White only gave him a 2 in the sack.Out of 10 :( If anyone knows their dwarves,it's Whitey.

Frankly,I see what she means....Dwarf or no dwarf.Get a bath and wash off that claret before you go near the Snowster....

Fuckin Timebandit liberty-taker

When I worked in Bolton I called at a bungalow to carry out a survey. The guy who answered the door was a dwarf named Billy, who used to live in my home town. We chatted and I carried out the survey. Something was niggling me about his living room and I couldn't put my finger on it. I eventually realised he was decorating his (high ceilinged) living room with only the aid of a two step ladder.

Amazing!

I must add he also spent about 3 years dating this very attractive teacher. His head only reached her stomach, so you can imagine why it worked for her.

Boatraceface wrote:

Doctor Clayhead wrote:

His Holiness, The Pope wrote: well, this thread reeks of ableism. fascists.

So let's pick on dwarfs with abandon,before it is outlawed.

The thinking man's bigot

What about dwarves with giinger hair?!!

gazman wrote: Keep it up folks...

Puppet the Psycho dwarf is watchin....

and he aint HAPPY!

is he grumpy then??

or fucking pissed off?

perhaps a mutation in the genetics somewhere in the family bloodline?

Missy Jem wrote: I eventually realised he was decorating his (high ceilinged) living room with only the aid of a two step ladder.

Amazing!

Did he have arms as long as Mr Tickle Jem ? He must have to get any ceiling painting done. Which,strictly speaking makes him a Mr Man,rather than a bonifide midget

Boatraceface wrote:

Missy Jem wrote: I eventually realised he was decorating his (high ceilinged) living room with only the aid of a two step ladder.

Amazing!

Did he have arms as long as Mr Tickle Jem ? He must have to get any ceiling painting done. Which,strictly speaking makes him a Mr Man,rather than a bonifide midget

Unless he was the love-child of Mr Tickle and Mr Small in which case he would be a Mr Man and a dwarf...

Snorri xxx

The plot thickens Snorri... Mr Small's hips were hardly childbearing by any stretch of the imagination. Mr Small could conceivably carry say,Tom Thumb's offspring in his belly,assuming Tom thumb's cock were big enough to plant the seed...

None of which would be very considerate of Mrs Small's years of unstinting loyalty,mind.
:\ohwell:

And neither would it give the resulting Mr Dwarf, Mr Tickle-type arms to paint the high ceiling Clearly,we are gunna have to reshuffle the gene pool if questions are to be answered.

Dear Boaty.

You did not say which kind of car were driving the dwarves. Was it a Smart or a huge countryside car that people fancy in the city ? I mean, the funny effect is not the same if they simply jumped off the car or used a laddder to get out...

So ?

It was a Corgi Car Jiphy. Made in the Lilliput factory,natch!

Boatraceface wrote: The plot thickens Snorri... Mr Small's hips were hardly childbearing by any stretch of the imagination. Mr Small could conceivably carry say,Tom Thumb's offspring in his belly,assuming Tom thumb's cock were big enough to plant the seed...

None of which would be very considerate of Mrs Small's years of unstinting loyalty,mind.
:\ohwell:

And neither would it give the resulting Mr Dwarf, Mr Tickle-type arms to paint the high ceiling Clearly,we are gunna have to reshuffle the gene pool if questions are to be answered.

Unless of course they used Mr Greedy as a surrogate 'mother'...

Snorri xxx

Missy Jem wrote: I eventually realised he was decorating his (high ceilinged) living room with only the aid of a two step ladder.

Amazing!

And unless the dwarf was perfectly 'normal' and the ladder, despite only having two steps, was actually tall enough for said dwarf to reach the ceiling... Granted this does require someone to place the dwarf at the top of the ladder, but that's not beyond the bounds of possibility...

Snorri xxx

Snorrimon wrote:

Missy Jem wrote: I eventually realised he was decorating his (high ceilinged) living room with only the aid of a two step ladder.

Amazing!

And unless the dwarf was perfectly 'normal'

Snorri xxx

Maybe he got a leg up from the oxymoron ?

We are being daft here... he had a safety harness to strap on to the lamp-shade above,so the little critter could dangle and paint at the same time.... it does'nt take Carol Vordaman to do the maths on this one

Motley Crue cancelled a tour because their dwarf, despite being Canadian, was travelling on a USA visa. Or something like that. So the dwarf was refused entry into a country they were playing and the band, reasonably, declared that you can't have a rock n roll circus without a dwarf and pulled the whole tour.

At Glastonbury last year my mate Vin suddenly mentioned that he had expected to see loads of dwarfs and was surprised that he'd seen none at all. Less than a minute later a dwarf bumped into him. Then another. We saw about six in the next hour. Every time he saw one Vin would shout "YES - ANOTHER!"

There's certainly something a bit cosmic about dwarfs

My last dwarf story is that I saw a mum, dad and boy dwarf in Dixons in Stockport years ago (just how long ago will become aparent in the next sentence). They appeared to be giving serious consideration towards buying a Sinclair C5.

I'd just like to point out that my previous post contained three different high-quality dwarf stories, two of which involved me in at least some small way.

Do I win 40p?

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote: They are fun for tossing as well!!!

Not to mention it will be included in the London Olympics, the Brits are the ones to beat supposedly.....

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote: Colin, might I inquire as to just what a Sinclair C5 is...

Google it.

Was a completely dizarre idea for a one-man electric car by this 'brainbox inventor' called Clive Sinclair (the same man that invented the ZX Spectrum and various other gadgets).

It didn't sell well because it was, truth be known, rubbish.

A midget in a suitcase!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKg1h\_63V1E

Leggy D wrote: A midget in a suitcase!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKg1h\_63V1E

did you remember to give someone the key first.

BIGINOIL wrote:

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote: Colin, might I inquire as to just what a Sinclair C5 is...

Google it.

Was a completely dizarre idea for a one-man electric car by this 'brainbox inventor' called Clive Sinclair (the same man that invented the ZX Spectrum and various other gadgets).

It didn't sell well because it was, truth be known, rubbish.

i broke one driving over railway tracks. true story. thogh sadly dwarf free.

Leggy D wrote: A midget in a suitcase!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKg1h\_63V1E

They could have let me sit on that panel,in place of Piers Morgan perhaps...

That way I could have voted the midget through to the final,whilst licking Les Dennis's ex from top to bottom,and mildly injuring Simon Cowell....Multi-task stylee! Mr Cowell is so rude cutting the little pocket-rocket off so quickly like that..You could tell she had yet to peak..though height-wise she peaked at 3ft 2" but that's beside the point!

Leggy D wrote: A midget in a suitcase!!!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKg1h\_63V1E

LOL Not quite Cirque Du Soleil