HUMBUG!

You know what my LEAST favourite thing about Christmas is?

Those fcuking balloons that you blow up with your drunken, dribbly mouth and then let fly around the room spraying mouth fluid over everyone's dinner. I hate those balloons they make me feel sick at every works Christmas Dinner I go to.

And if you mention it to anyone you're a killjoy.

Surely, in this land of Health and Safety poking their noses into every aspect of our lives, the deliberate spraying of warm dribble over freshly-reheated turkey violates some sort of law?

I want everyone who does it arrested and kept inside for the duration of the festivities.

well then i might do it just to get arrested and locked up until our works fooking xmas party is over and gone. bah humbug !!

Colin, just be grateful we don't have to endure Noel F*****g edmunds with his daft jumpers anymore :)

They are the devil's condoms