Stoke YUK

I have had the misfortune, and stupidity to base myself here when I took a position with a local company here. Yeah I know, its all my fault for moving here. I should have listened to people and chosen a better place to live but I assure you I’m rectifying that right now.

How can you describe Stoke…Well if the actual World needed an enema, Stoke-on-Trent would be where they shove the pipe.

It’s that bad, junkies, single mothers, asylum seekers and general track suit wearing doalites. It has the lot.

The most favourite place for the local chavettes to try to get themselves impregnated in is “ooup Hanley” (drop the H, they cant pronounce them). This gives them the Holy Grail……a free council house and the full mite of the CSA to hammer some silly fucker into the ground for most of his life…..that’s if they manage to find a local with a job paying over minimum wage.

A night out “Up Anleyyyy” if full of its own fun and danger. From the local Kurdish, Iraqi and other dregs of society who infest the place masquerading as asylum seekers, who wander about in the hours of darkness in gangs looking for some sucker who ventures out alone. Here they pull knives on you to steal the coppers from your pocket. A night in the bars “ooup Anley” isn’t any better. Take your eye of your drink for a split second and some chav slips something into it. Then they lie in wait like a pack of hyenas for you to either go outside/to the toilet and collapse. Then they can have the pick of your pockets.

For a laugh you have to go to watch the mating rituals at the local nightspot…Jumpin Jaks…or as I call it Jumpin Gypsies. Here you can find the real dregs of Stoke…the 20 stone heifers in the short skirts desperate looking for another fool to impregnate them in order to have another 16 years of free house and CSA cash. This is great for the local asylum seeker population to try to bag a Passport.

I watched some 9 stone asylum seeker try to pull this big munter who must have been pushing 40…years and stone. He must have been desperate.

Then there’s Robbie Williams. Robbie is the Stokies idea of a demigod, their hero who is to be worshipped at all times. The fact that as soon as he had a few £ in his pocket and got the fuck away as fast as possible seems to be lost on them.

In sort the only way to improve Stoke-on-Trent is a well-placed Cruise Missile.

I count the days to I get the fuck away from it never to set eyes on the shit hole again says Doctor Clayhead !!

"

its on the way home from Alton Towers innit. that's all i know about it.

Thats all you need to know !

Thats all you need to know !

Chris Nash wrote:

King John Honest John wrote:

its on the way home from Alton Towers innit. that's all i know about it.

It's only on the way home from Alton Towers if you're travelling in the wrong direction JAK...

now i'm even more confused!!

we did go past the Britannia though.

i'll get the Atlas out.

Chris Nash wrote: Stoke is south of Liverpool and Manchester - you may have gone to Stoke Station for the train back (Manchester, Liverpool, etc). I'd probably have just got a coach north from outside Alton Towers...

i can't remember mate.

i was in a white van, with bin bags covering the back door windows.

Just a few points.....

Yes, Stoke has its fair share of junkies, single mothers, asylum seekers and track suit dolites – but can you name one city that doesn’t? Not all people are like that – most people are honest, genuine and hardworking, mainly for very crap pay as Stoke has some of the lowest wages in the country. But can you blame the dolites/single mothers etc for screwing the system? They’re probably better off!

As for going ‘up ‘Anley’ – yes, the nightlife is shit. But I can’t honestly say that I’ve ever had a knife pulled on me or had my drinks spiked. You must have been going to the wrong places.

And on the subject of dropping aitches, don’t other people up and down the country? Most of the time, it is down to sheer laziness. I used to live and work in Birmingham for four years and one of my work colleagues (bear in mind we worked as back office staff in a bank) couldn’t pronounce the t’s in butter, water etc! What makes him any different?

I can walk in most places of Stoke and not have the fear of having a knife or a gun pulled on me, unlike when I lived in Birmingham (in supposedly a nice part). I know which areas of Stoke to avoid. There is a big drugs problem here because of lack of money and jobs and with that comes burglary, which there is a lot of, but it’s rare that a violent crime occurs.

Robbie Williams is a twat. Most people in Stoke are glad to see the back of him. He’s well suited for living in la-la land.

As for me, I live in a tiny place on the Stoke/Staffordshire Moorlands border. I’m ten minutes from the Peak District one way, 10 minutes from the Cheshire border the other way. It’s one of those places where you can still leave your back door open (even when it’s dark). We speak to our neighbours and we look out for each other. People still say hello to complete strangers and have a chat, unlike most other parts of the country where they haven’t got the time, or the inclination to stop and speak – or is that mainly through fear? And I could buy a very nice, three bed semi detached house for £100,000 in a very nice rural area. You couldn’t buy a shoebox for that in most places of the UK.

OK, Stoke is not perfect, but nowhere is. You have to take the good with the bad.

But if you really don’t like it that much, maybe you should have listened to your friends, duck. (And that’s a term of endearment, by the way)

PS Stoke is in major need of regeneration, as are most cities. Maybe that cruise missile would come in handy. After all, Manchester went all nice, shiny and brand new after the IRA bombed it to pieces. It’s a running joke in Stoke that they didn’t come far enough down the M6

Well said Sam

Isn't it about time somebody knocked up a photoshoppy of Michael Garrity dressed as a chav? Edel? can you do the honours?

Sam the Stokie wrote: But if you really don’t like it that much, maybe you should have listened to your friends, duck. (And that’s a term of endearment, by the way)

Sam, it isn't Mike's words, he's just quoted it from Chavtowns!

Look up any town in there, and you'll find a similar spiel (all tongue in cheek, of course)! :p