44 replies · 915 views
Inspired by Al's comment on the sane side. What's the worst thing you've been called? The funniest? Nicest?
My old boss called me a 'wank splashed bastard' in a terrible rage once. Amazing. He got even more annoyed when I burst out laughing and couldn't stop.
The first thing Jem ever said to me was "I thought you'd be a right miserable bastard"
I said "Oh, why?"
And she said, "Because I've just met Liam, and he is."
I'm still confused as to where that one came from?! 
(Someone else is Liam's father!!)
Funniest: A cantonese sewer rat (by my then boyfriend)
Nastiest: A snidey liar (this particularly hurt me as it was over something a boy at school did and I got the blame and no matter what I did I could never prove it wasn't my fault and to this day this person still thinks badly of me)
Nicest: True friend
There's also one of my mate's who calls me things like shitbrick, spunknose, etc. Every one makes me chuckle.
Reverend Big wrote: Post of the month
Then me and Don were sitting down as she asked ....
"Do you know any of those Vikings?"
El Jarvo wrote: The first thing Jem ever said to me was "I thought you'd be a right miserable bastard"
I said "Oh, why?"
And she said, "Because I've just met Liam, and he is."
I'm still confused as to where that one came from?!
(Someone else is Liam's father!!)
I wasn't implying you were his father, but I can't for the life of me fathom why I said it like that!
Jem wrote: Bloody hell Al, give a girl a break
Did you have on a Led Zep t-shirt? Or was it Motorhead?
Your mate had great tits. No face, just great tits. That's all I remember (it had been a long day - must've been 5pm by then)
She does have a pretty face too! All 3 of the girls I was with had nice tits 
(It was an AC/DC tee)
Jem wrote: She does have a pretty face too! All 3 of the girls I was with had nice tits
(It was an AC/DC tee)
Is she on your Facebook? Which one is she?
Nope, she doesn't know how to drive a computer, she's the blonde with shorter hair in the hen party pictures on my facebook and I think there's a great shot of her cleavage 
Nastiest : Smartarse (quite recent that one)
Funniest : Wolf in sheeps clothing ?????
Nicest : Had it really been heartfelt I would say 'Best Mum EVER' however I had just parted with a large amount of cash prior to that comment, so I would have to say 'soulmate' instead. All together now..........aahhhh 
Jem's mate ought to post on here now.
"Some big tall baldy bastard once called me No Face Great Tits".
Jem wrote: Nope, she doesn't know how to drive a computer, she's the blonde with shorter hair in the hen party pictures on my facebook and I think there's a great shot of her cleavage
Introduce me next weekend then! 
Kath wrote: Nastiest : Smartarse (quite recent that one)
Yes, and I already told you, your occupation doesn't APPEAR on your passport anymore!
I was at a wedding where the best man sparked a huge row between the two families by calling the bride a 'guttersnipe'.
Kath wrote: Funniest : Wolf in sheeps clothing ?????
It's when you get called a Wolf in Shark's clothing that you have to think! 
Col: Where is this sane side?
Doc: I'm gonna batter you
Martin: Keep the spunk/cock/bum stuff off this thread, we've had a lovely clean day on here and we don't want your sort turning up and ruining it (you cunt)
Reverend Big wrote: I'm not telling tales, but Doctor has just called Jem "cabernet-godzilla" on the sane side.
Ooops.
I didn't, Col stole my account, honest.
Still, just picture a floor littered with delicate equipment and Jem, after her 5th glass of red appearing....now slow the image down and add sound effects.....
See, perfectly reasonable thing to call her.
Nicest-Roman Nose
Funniest-Cocknose,tombstone teethface
Nastiest,by some considerabe distance-Geordie.
Tim wrote: They called me Jaundice at school. Once.
BOSH!!! "Now whose the yellow one,cunts"
Jem wrote: She does have a pretty face too! All 3 of the girls I was with had nice tits
(It was an AC/DC tee)
fuck me, this forum just picked up a fair bit. jem could you please talk about your pals tits a bit more please?
Tim wrote: They called me Jaundice at school. Once.
Ahhhh the Johnny Dangerously "once", I like it.
Boatraceface wrote: Nastiest,by some considerabe distance-Geordie.
That's the thing though, it's not a considerable distance!
Now, if someone called me a Geordie that would be a considerable distance! Well, 200 miles or summat. 
El Jarvo wrote:
Boatraceface wrote: Nastiest,by some considerabe distance-Geordie.
That's the thing though, it's not a considerable distance!
Now, if someone called me a Geordie that would be a considerable distance! Well, 200 miles or summat.
Distance is a good 40 miles.I would'nt like to walk it..nevermind talk it
Teessider,Smoggie...bumrash even.Anything but Geordie.I'm North Yorkshire.
If there's 40 miles in it then that's like calling me a Scouser 
My mate is called Two Rivers because that was his response every time someone called him a Geordie: "There's two fucking rivers between me and the Geordies!"
Reverend Big wrote: If there's 40 miles in it then that's like calling me a Scouser
My mate is called Two Rivers because that was his response every time someone called him a Geordie: "There's two fucking rivers between me and the Geordies!"
He's right.
I can't tell the difference between Mackems and Geordies myself..
Mackems speak like they have had their brains kicked out,and Geordies speak like,erm,they have had their brains kicked out..
The berds sound kinda sexy tho,strangely..
Gazman wrote: Ive never been called anything nasty,
cos im an all round good guy
As if...you're a bigger cunt than I am!
Jeffari-al-Texani wrote:
Gazman wrote: Ive never been called anything nasty,
cos im an all round good guy
As if...you're a bigger cunt than I am!
Thanks,call me more,
im getting a 'semi' here...
Boatraceface wrote: ,they have had their brains kicked out.. The berds sound kinda sexy tho,strangely..
That's cos, "buy us a packet o chips and you can come on me face" sounds sexy in any accent.
I got called a smelly cunt last week, ironically by an obese West African.
Perhaps using deodorant is regarded as wrong over there.
Once got called a WORK ALCoHLIC
I had had a LONG lunch break.:D Went down well just like 7 pints in the hour!
But my dad used to say..."Your a good act but you go on too LONG".
We NEVER spoke again.
A mate called me ROCKET MICK cause i listened to BOWIE all the time and had just had a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.He said i was like MAJOR TOM and was"floating in my tin can" and was OUT of it.
The name kinda stuck and the BREAKDOWNs got easier to handle!
Burt Reynolds wrote: I got called a smelly cunt last week, ironically by an obese West African.
Perhaps using deodorant is regarded as wrong over there.
Well an all-over spray down with anti-perspirant and a quick jog accross the savanah should sort you with your answer.
(so will passing a metal detector that can "see" aluminium over your pits)
Boatraceface wrote:
Reverend Big wrote: If there's 40 miles in it then that's like calling me a Scouser
My mate is called Two Rivers because that was his response every time someone called him a Geordie: "There's two fucking rivers between me and the Geordies!"
He's right. I can't tell the difference between Mackems and Geordies myself.. Mackems speak like they have had their brains kicked out,and Geordies speak like,erm,they have had their brains kicked out.. The berds sound kinda sexy tho,strangely..
my brother in law is a mackem from stanley and when we go up there and he starts talking about football my girlfriend keeps saying to him - 'your a newcastle fan aint you?'.he just looks devastated. bloody women
she will get it right eventually
was called a "bully" by an incompetent coworker, one who thinks he knows everything but in sad reality doesn't, I don't suffer idiots at work too kindly I'll say.
he's a jehovah witness, so he thinks he knows everything ANYWAY, the day my grandfather died a couple of years ago, he chose to dwell on some past grievance and not commiserate with my loss.
I think Malcolm McClaren and John Lydon have a better relationship than this one....
My dad, when infurriated, used say 'you're just a Punk' (emphasising the 'P' with a bit of unintentional spit). He'd say it in such a manner that he really hoped it would hit me close to the bone.... but I only laughed inside wondering if there was ever a time that the word 'punk' infuriated people like a racist word might?
My 6 year old nephew is watching me look at this here website...and the picture that pops up is of 50 year old fat Barney...
the little fucker asks if it's a picture of me...
I nearly bounced his head off the wall...
