Quote for the Day

"I could murder a pasty"

Jack Ruby: sentenced to death on this day 1964

Very nice... But did you know that on theis day in 1963, Gerry Marsden (Gerry & the Pacemakers) was fined 60 pounds for evading British customs with a German guitar?

Snorri xxx

Very good lads,but also on this day,

The submarine 'Monarch' laid the first underwater telephone cable in 1891.

"WHERE'S THE FUCKING ASPIRIN?"

• Dr Martin Fradley, 8.37am, Friday March 14th, 2008.

Martin has a winking problem and applys for a position as a professor for a large university. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a professor has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off the students. I'm sorry....we can't hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He breaks it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking in a few moments. "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable university, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?

Ally wrote: You're getting 'quote' and 'shit joke' mixed up.

I thought all these quotes were shite jokes...

One from someone famous--

"Everybody knows it means so much more to touch someone you really love with a little finger than to do whatever you like with someone you don't care for."

• Ralf Hütter of Kraftwerk - Melody Maker magazine, 4 July 1981

--and one from, erm, myself--

"I don't know what normal is, but whatever it is, I don't want to be it!"

• Wednesday 12 March 2008

heard in a cocktail bar in Duesseldorf during the happy hour. A frozen B52 and a Mai Tai on the table.

Emily, you are a very uncomplicated person.

"some people say if your good you could put years on your life,i'd rather put life in my years" ermm that lead singer (forgot his name) of spiritulized

"ONLY GOT ONE RULE,NO TRACKIE BOTTOMS.....BUT YOU'VE GOT TO WEAR YOUR BOOGIE PANTS!"

Monty,The Oddfellows Arms,Eccles

I was in the pub at Dublin airport in Jan.

These two folk behind the bar are gibbering away and the 1st one says,

'went to see Sweeny Todd last night'] ' oh aye' replies the other guy 'any good?' 'Fucking shite, its only a bloody musical innit!!'

not so much a quote but made me laugh non the less

David Coulthard on live TV after being run off the road by Massa -

"Hopefully he'll be big enough to admit he made a mistake, if not I'm going to kick seven shades of shit out of the little bastard".

Old Blue wrote: David Coulthard on live TV after being run off the road by Massa -

"Hopefully he'll be big enough to admit he made a mistake, if not I'm going to kick seven shades of shit out of the little bastard".

Three colours of shite actually.

DC's been a different man ever since the McRon brain-limiter was removed.

Brundle on the grid in Imola in 2001 after Malaysian Alex Yoong failed to qualify again.

"Yoong's on a 3 stop strategy, Heathrow, Dubai, Kwala lumpur."

Shug wrote:

Old Blue wrote: David Coulthard on live TV after being run off the road by Massa -

"Hopefully he'll be big enough to admit he made a mistake, if not I'm going to kick seven shades of shit out of the little bastard".

Spat coffee all over the paper reeading that this moirning.

Quote.Of.The.Year.

Ditto.

It's a shame it was cut from the re-run, because on the re-run/highlights, they show the interviews instead of just broadcasting audio. I would love to have seen the way he was looking at Lou Goodman when he said it, not to mention her gob once he had.

A truly valuable quote to carry around with you.

The Doctor:"My dear chap, ANYONE can make sense".

Allo Doc where have you been?

I didn't see your holiday form!

Rev Big wrote: Allo Doc where have you been?

I didn't see your holiday form!

I been reading, just not posting much.

I have a note for my mum if that'll do.

(was gonna say I'd submitted the form direct to your superior, but I aint seen her around either )

That's okay, as long as you've been reading.

I'll send you a list of questions, just to prove that you've been paying attention.