I hate The [f***ing] Farm - what about you?

Grrrrrr!!!

Let's get one thing crystal clear shall we? I absolutely fucking unreservedly unequivocally HATE, DESPISE, LOATHE the Farm!!! They really have to be given a lifetime achievement gong - preferably in the form of a huge shit-encrusted bag of used condoms and tampons - for the double travesty of a) unmitigating naffness beyond the call of duty and b) shameless bandwagon jumping that would even make the Soup Dragons blush.

I really don't know what possesses such a bunch of uncultured opportunistic tramps to even think for one moment that they offered any significant contribution to modern music with the utter bilge they have churned out over two sorry decades now. I mean, first they were nondescript urchin rockers who tried to cash in on the shambling anorak indie "movement" as championed by the likes of Peely in the mid 80s, then they decided that after getting bored of that that the next wise move would be to draft in a horn section and try and do a Dexys Midnight Runners.

And then after THAT they decided that "Hey! Hendrix and Beefheart are currently where it's at isn't it?" and before they could even record a single note the tone deaf singer Peter Hooten realised that they couldnt even hear themselves at all in the studio because of all the laughing emanating from the tape op and engineer's room, so wisely decided on yet another image change.... which brings us to 1989 and the birth of B.A.G.G.Y. Oh yes.....

Fast forward to the present (and the reason for my broiling ire) where my pleasant amble amongst the groaning shelves of our local Tesco Xtra last weekend was made completely unbearable by the sound of one song that proceeded to torment my delicate ears for all of EIGHT MINUTES AND FIVE SECONDS. I am talking about EIGHT MINUTES AND FIVE SECONDS of tuneless, atonal, cliched and stomach wrenchingly excretory indie-dance-by-numbers whereby that tone deaf charlatan (no, not that one, but the other one) Peter Hooten mewls in his hopelessly feeble adenoidal scouse whine about uniting as one in a gesture of solidarity over the most hackneyed and charmlessly clumping backing track ever committed to tape.

The song in question - if you could call it one that is - goes under the title "All Together Now" and indeed the worst part of it was the repeated chorus which - in this extended 12inch mega version - went on and on and on and on like some particularly hideous form of Japanese Water Torture. Two minutes of this was bad enough, but when this became three, then four, and then five and more I started thinking that maybe I was a fool for being so polite earlier on when a fellow shopper rammed their trolley into my backside accidentally and apologised.

I really felt like abandoning my trolley and the multi-buy packets of dried dogfood I was about to treat my beloved two babies Checkers and Marbles to when I got back home and make a beeline - screaming maniacally - for the exits..... "AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!! LORD PRESERVE US MERE MORTALS, BUT IF THERE IS A GOD THEN WHY IN HEAVEN'S NAME DID HE HAVE TO STAND BY AND LET US SUFFER THE FARM?????!!!!" But for the love of my children I just couldn't. So cue loads of gnashing of teeth and bulging of veins as I tried to suppress my rising anger as the cacophony continued completely oblivious to the sheer torture that I was undergoing.

Listen here everybody, I don't know what your feelings are about this band but I absolutely detest them with every little minute microscopic piece of my heart... they are the most desperate bunch of chancers in Christendom and just when I thought things couldn't get worse (and that I had finally seen the back of them prior to hearing that abomination on Sunday), it has been announced that they have reformed and are about to play a few gigs in Liverpool prior to possibly recording new stuff. Fuck me.... can somebody please hunt them down and kill them before it's too late??!! Put it this way, I'd rather be seen giving Foghorn Creamhorn Flowers a good and proper fisting backstage at Glastonbury - and then licking my fingers - than come within sniffing distance of yet more malodorous recordings by that bunch of talentless cheesy smeg-encrusted dickwipes called The Farm!!!

:dead: :dead: :dead:

Phew! Glad I got that off me chest.....

i think 'all together now' is a fantastic song.

By Eck By Eck, you've really got em on you tonight

AgentWood wrote: i think 'all together now' is a fantastic song.

No. You can't say that.

That is so not on.....

(and should be punishable by 12 months in a cell listening to Bryan "Pizzaface" Adams tuning his guitar and then burping repeatedly)

cmon everybody's getting on the grovvy train

bushwick bill wrote: cmon everybody's getting on the grovvy train

Oh my god!!! Didn't notice that one!!

How awful is that? TWO threads going on about that terrible band!

Still, it's good to see how opinions about them are divided. They're just so pointless really. Who the fuck needs a band like the Farm? I mean, two of them work in the media anyway - as scriptwriters and designers - so surely they earn enough money doing that without having to resort to making such dreck that masquerades as music. And the singer Peter Hooten is supposedly a style writer as well. Fucking hell, these guys already have a regular source of income doing better things - WHY THE HELL ARE THEY STILL BOTHERING TRYING TO MAKE RECORDS? They deserve to be incarcerated and banged up simply for systemmatic and sustained abuse of unsuspecting musical instruments.

Quick! Somebody grass on them before they issue a 2008 remix of "Don't You Want Me". This is no laughing matter.

they did some good fanzines before they became famous. i hate ricky "professional scouser, i did bird me" tomlinson infinitely more than the farm.

They are a poor band, agreed, as derivative and pedestrian as Oasis but with less musical talent. Yet...[very quiet voice while staring at the ground in embarrassment]...I rather like 'All together now'.

Perhaps its 'cos of the classical toon it rips off. Er...yeah that's it, its Pachelbel I like really, high status high culture stuff not that gang of opportunist Scouse brickies.

(Just like Strawberry Switchblade's Since Yesterday and Sibelius)

let it out brotha! hallelujah!

All that and you still didn't mention their management.

Yep, the farm were shit, worse than Northside.

Thought they jacked it in years ago so what's the problem?

Get real. Everyone just calls it EMMERDALE-and SHUGZV is a DINGLE!

ROCKET MICK wrote: Get real. Everyone just calls it EMMERDALE-and SHUGZV is a DINGLE!

Nay,nay,nay,Mr Wilks!

Farm were ok..Northside were better,in my fucking opinion

James Thomas wrote: All that and you still didn't mention their management.

Yep, the farm were shit, worse than Northside.

Well, I quite like Madness - as well as the rest of all that 2-Tone stuff even though I was only about 6 years old when that scene all kicked off - but what on earth was Suggs thinking, offering to manage that shower of shite? I always found that deeply dubious - and didn't he part company with them in the end anyway (probably because he'd finally had enough of their wanton bandwagoneering and cack musicianship, need I dare speculate).

One of the best things the sodding NME wrote about the Farm when reviewing one of their singles (I think it was their god awful cover of "Don't You Want Me") was slagging them off by referring to their treatment of said song as "a tuneless tone deaf exercise in yobbo train announcing.....with the worst singer in Britain". Genius that was! So spot on too!:p

Can I just gently (and briefly) point out that this thread is almost 20 years out-of-date. Who says New Order fans are out of touch and stuck in the past?

Thanks.

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: Can I just gently (and briefly) point out that this thread is almost 20 years out-of-date.

What? Like Kraftwerk you mean?

Can't disagree with you there then!

And you are a cross between SAM AND MARLON........but 50 years OLDer Yes

Ohh LOOK at HER! How is ChesNEy?

Don't rea;;y care about the farm either way but what is B A G G Y?

Shug wrote: YOU CALLING ME LES BATTERSBy?

PoT. KeTTle. BlaCK.

Good morning Michael

Chesney=SHUGZV

Shug wrote:

ROCKET MICK wrote:

Shug wrote: YOU CALLING ME LES BATTERSBy?

PoT. KeTTle. BlaCK.

Good morning Michael

Chesney=SHUGZV

I've been called worse, cheers FREd

I've just noticed all the smilies have the same haircut as you.

WELL they wouldn't want a GINGER,no?

ROCKET MICK wrote:

Chesney=SHUGZV

Didin't get this at all for a moment but then I had a look at some of the NOOL pics of this Shugzv and now, I'm laffing me tits off!

Chesney is such a funny looking little dude isn't he?

who the fuck are the farm? Obviosly some shite like the good doctor mentioned, is completely outta date... argue about something more relevant, like if Milli Vanilli really sang their own lyrics

well obviously if cambo says they are, i mean don't bother listening to them to make your own mind up

listening to some festive fiftys the other day peely said very nice things about them