My bum is on fire...

EdelBrock wrote:

either that or you've been had

The conditions for combustion are quite specific.

Ignition and support of a fire requires heat, fuel and an oxidising agent, usually oxygen. There is normally sufficient oxygen to support combustion in the atmosphere, so this element can be deemed to be usually present. (of course, this means that removal of oxygen is a useful method of fire suppression).

So for Jeff's bottom to be ablaze, he (or someone else) must have introduced at least one of each of these three elements.

In a gas fire, the relative concentrations of fuel (combustible gas) and oxygen need to be such that an incendive mixture is present. In an uncontained area, combustion is typically lasts only a moment as all the fuel is ignited at the same time. This is often referred to as a flash fire.

For sustained combustion of a gas, the fuel must be contained in within a volume where it cannot ignite and released as required to maintain the combustion. Most flammable liquids burnt in this manner; the liquid itself does not burn but releases vapour which is ignited.

Combustion of a solid is somewhat more complex and can be thought of as a combination of ignition of the vapours given off by the material and oxidisation events within the material itself. Again, oxygen is required for both to be supported.

In Jeff's case the likely sources of fuel for his arse fire are gas from his lower intestine, anal hair and skin and bone. A skin and bone fire would most likely be a secondary blaze ie one which is caused by exposure to energy from the primary combustion event. For a sustained event, implied by the description of Jeff’s arse as ‘on fire’ rather than ‘burnt’ or ‘recently exploded’, there would need to be a solid fuel fire, ie skin and bone. Although large, the quantities of gas and anal hair that are likely to be present around Jeff’s anus would not support a lengthy fire.

Given these facts, and knowing a little of Jeff’s juvenile sense of humour, habits and geographical location, I would predict that his own fire event was caused as follows:

• Consumption of a large amount of beef-based Mexican (or Mexican-inspired) meal
• Consumption of a large quantity of lager
• Purchase and consumption of half a bottle of tequila and tens fags from the shops
• Spillage of tequila onto groin area of nylon shell suit
• Drunken decision to ignite flatulence
• Ignition of tequila-soaked nylon
• Subsequent ignition of anal hair
• Flapping of towel or magazine onto fire by drunken friend; an attempt to extinguish that in fact introduces a higher flowrate of oxygen
• Heating and subsequent ignition of Jeff’s skin and bone

Good luck with getting it out, Jeff

And remember, if you find yourself in someone’s arse when it catches fire:

Get out Get the Fire Brigade Out

and…

STAY OUT

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote: anybody care to guess why???

'cause you've got a hot ass?

Obama did pretty good in the primaries yesterday, but not sure I would say he's "on fire" though

He is, however, an arsehole.

Do I won forty primaries?

Biginmikitchen wrote: He is, however, an arsehole.

Do I won forty primaries?

No. And neither does Hillary.

So do I win £40 or not?

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote: anybody care to guess why???

Is it because the Cure are releasing a single every month?

Are they?

Wow!

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote: anybody care to guess why???

A gerbil dipped in hot sauce "accidently" made it's way up into your rectum?

so are you gonna tell us jeffy? If you don't wanna share with everybody IM me.

Everytime I see this thread I sing in my head..

mybum, mybum, mybum is on fire! mybum, mybum, mybum is on fire!

We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn

EdelBrock wrote:

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote: anybody care to guess why???

Is it because the Cure are releasing a single every month?

cure again, oh noooo....

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote: anybody care to guess why???

Bad experience at Hunky's in the Oak Lawn?

Cos yer a perverted fuck,and thats what turns you on??

Get some Prep H, brother.

I've been a martyr to piles all my adult life.

Dab of the Prep H, or even one of them pulls you shove up your arse that I can't seem to spell for some reason.

That's the kiddy - sort you right out

Rub some "Head On" on your arse. Can't hurt...?

I've never tried Head On but if its good for your head, why not rub it all over your body and your butt?