Indeed, before those fascist fuckers throw pagan bullshit upon us. Christmas is the effort of thought, without the care or means to act out on it."
"Fancy I should join your family, we'd have meaningful conversations. By the way is there a platform nine and three quarters? I did ask once, but the man just laughed at me, and I still have yet to receive an answer."
"You deserve a medal you do, had I some patience and will to exert effort you'd have one. "
"Every thursday? Fancy I could join you one time. "
"Mysterious indeed, I may have to employ my scooby doo skills to investigate this one."
"I have a thing for coining the term "scooby doo skills" I fancy myself an armchair detective. "
"I'm quite so fabulous, with a very dainty 5 oclock shadow. Much look like mr holmes, as a 5'3 asian. And no not mr Katie holmes, that'd be scary it would."
"Sher-rock sounds like an islamo fascist. I assume that'd be him, can't be arsed to google. "
"Bollywood is a frightening prospect, seeing as how every film turns into some full blown fucking musical. I'm anxiously awaiting the Hindi version of the dark knight. WHY SO CURIOUSSSSSSSS, yes curious, find the horrible pun on your own, hint-because he's dead."
"I'd shoot myself I would, in your situation Helen. That'd be rather painful methinks, such pain, no cure. Did you learn any enticing dance moves? And yes, why so odourous."
"I received gratuitous amounts of assorted socks, one pair for each of my moodswings. Fancy the kind fucker who beats his kids into sewing so much."
"I also received the very best of Rod Stewart. it was the shit. "
"I love Rod as well, i'll post a photo of me with my rick astley best of later. Much panties were wet when I opened said cd's. "
"That is quite creepy, much more so then a northern pub when you ask who's gay. Most of the time, half the bar admits, the other time, you get in a bad way. Lesson here? Expect the worst, always."
"Well thats quite a kindergarden line. I quite like it, sounds like a lifetime movie, genius, unrelentingly so. "
"I owned every figure except the elusive green ranger. That pompous fucker Tommy, what a twat he was. The white ranger was ultimately less cooler looking then his green counterpart. Did not understand why Suzy Q was the pink ranger, still awaiting the pope answer to that. Oh and Mr Pope, I want my little brother back."
"Indeed, it was just sheer fucking triviality as to why he was the only color changing ranger. "
"A rainbow stache? Did he by chance boogie down to some gary glitter?"
"Well what the fuck did you vote for? I want someone to champion the ethiopian vote. "
"We shall now commence a christmas fap, yes a white christmas, mmmmm communal masturbation. "
"Everyone can share in this white christmas. We can synchronize to some carols and just be batshit insane with it. Imagine finishing your activity to the final jingle bell chant?"
"There can be, if we get Rick Astley and Dave Gahan, im sure someone here would take their loads."
"It's been fanfucktacular, i've got salvation army santas singing life in a northern town, cunt's bickering over the wise mens importance, and some cunt telling me about thanking some tree goddess. Expect these twats to get into some altercation, and end up on the news."
"I'm recording a debut album, where i'll be singing tales of utter fantastical romances. More beautiful love songs, from a cavernous depth, within my chest cavity. Mortar fire from my time in the khmer rouge."
"So you got hand me downs? Fuck yes, Christmas is the annual Good will themed season. Next year I will be selling orphaned war youth, they're real good with rifles. Expect your loved ones to be safe as houses, with a slight chance of coup dea tat, I spelled that wrong, but what have the french ever done right anyway?"
"Oh sweet heavenly Martha, why? If you're down with being a socially stinted person with a makeup veneers, friend, you're already dead."
"Aye, twards the middle hath I gone, medieval and the like, such somber beauty doth befall my effervescent triteness."
"I'm warm, sweet justice of being near orlando, I can go run with some cubans to miami. Of course, i'm not one for tea time with Castro, so our meeting would be cut short, but it's the temptation that matters."
"Is that a challenging dare with a fair sense of importance in your tone? Then fine I shall, expect wonders, for I just am amazing with q tip"
"I choose Eddie Murphy, not a category, but then again, all of you plan to wear white at your wedding. Now who's telling a more frugal lie? Panty liners."
"Pirates also worse a layer of scurvy in their gums, let's not. I say, we don native american headresses and scream till we get some casino."
"My christmas cheer went towards the ASPCA, but after hours of rabid dogs yapping at me, I have half a mind to relocate the animals to the Chinese buffet."
"It's been a few hours, the santas are having palpitations and seizing on the floor. The tree goddess fanatics burning her chest with candle wax, screaming something or other Harry Potter related. And then theres me, singing rick astley in boxer shorts, and a suit jacket."
"Erasure, every queer should love erasure, for the liberation of obvious gay synthpop stemmed from that fucking band. "
"And Flock Of Seagulls defined a generation of lonely boys."
"It defined the nihlistic tendencies of the burgeoning 80's youth. Those empty and hollow lyrics, devoid of every emotion known to man."
"I came in dead last my teacher hated me, and I called him a child molestor. Boy did he loathe me, he'd call my parents and they told him they could care less."
"As all good things come to a close, like my date in home depot. I took her to the toilet section, and we tried them all out, it was very romantic, and quite pleasing. I did better then getting lucky, she purchased a seat we fondled on."
"From my mind, and Xenu, i'm like an OT 12, I can mind fuck John Travolta now. Don't tell him though, fucker flew an airplane into my house for my birthday. Never trust an Imam to make a sandwich, they tried to put that halal crap in my Quiznos sub. Since when did mustard come in shampoo dispensers?"
"I try, I try, sometimes I don't try, then we end up with soviet paste. I fancy now, you're wondering, was he beaten as a child? The answer is no, I did fish down tons of sleeping pills in my teens though. Much like Jolly Ranchers, bitter aftertaste, Nothing to kiss your pillow over. Although, much panty wetting does ensue, atleast for me, while chewing on brownies. The chocolate only kind, you fucking social degenerates, for "special" is for pioneers of faggotry."
"Sweet action, I feel like a soccer mother now. "GO JIMMY! YOU KICK THAT FUCKING BALL! FUCK YEAH SEAKING!"
"More along the lines of, my life is a joke. Therefore, with a lack of dignity, I sit here and entertain, entertainingly. "
"It's quite fun though, much like bathing in public. One Can only ponder, the magnificent intricacies, of a public bath. If not, smack a penniless heroin addict outside CVS."
"I hate Proactiv, anything Jessica Simpson uses is guaranteed shit. I've half a mind to smack my Cardiologist. Walmart shouldn't sell my meds for 4 dollars, I feel a bit stingy. Socks, such precious commodities, so little yarn, need more third world countries. "
"I say, we should all gather ina fleet, and smack the shit out of Katie Holmes. She's a robot, she is, check out that blank stare. She's much like the much maligned film(note to self alliteration is gay michael, you twat) I robot. Dull, incomprehensible, and rather empty, much like Will Smith's talent."
"Thats no problem, I like Kim Il Jong's hair, not him as a politician though. Terrible voice though, never singing with him again. One should always be open to new forms of higher learning, therefore draw in pink chalk. Soothing isn't it? Try that with a bisque of onion and garlic toast. Toasted tim, is much better then tiny. Understatement I know, yet oddly quenching."
"They probably dotted her face with sharpies. Then beat her with sticks, till her brain kicked in. Thus dumping much splenda(which causes brain lesions) in her coffee and filmed."
"I tried once, but my jokes were quite demeaning. Thus I was cast into the street, yet again. Although my stint in starbucks, covering howie day songs lasted a bit longer, I miss neither. Now i'm a armchair twat, and I bring joy to this cult, much like Santa, minus the pagan bullshit. Get a fern next year, you ignoramus."
"Never was one for trying those free trials. Nothing is free, when a 3.00 shipping fee is required, except the envelope. Now much can be done with envelopes, genius invention. Once I fashioned a shelter in Uganda from Envelopes. Promptly after the fuckers ate it. Lesson to be learned, never aid the poor, they'll eat it."
"You're quite welcome, sleep well, don't dream too much of the 80's they'll dream of you, for you. That was very eurythmics esque."
"I doth decree, that upon morn of morrow, we shall fall upon them, with blade and heart. Let not this call be quelled, let us upon them, with blades like syphilis."
"Why didn't dumbledore know he was going to die? How come Mark Hamhill didn't use the force to save his Career? How come Gandalf didn't know he'd turn white? Why didn't Tommy know he'd be the White Ranger? It are not work, unless you're a scientolgist."
"Sushi is rather nasty, but so is Shark fin soup, and Breadlines. Though, I must state Japanese food in the mall, is quite lulz. When a Puerto Rican is serving you "teriyaki" at a place called "hibachi san" its scarier then a Chinese Buffet. Atleast the chinese have the stereotype cat/dog meat, to warn you, what the others make is purely up to imagination."
"To all those who want PAIN, watch your favorite movie in SPANISH, then beat yourself silly with a notebook. "
"Im down with cranberry juice, it means I urinate purity and antioxidants."
"I'm the most pathetic, look at my post count. Childofsin, you're a twat, and you will die alone."
"Childofsin is such a useless twat, he repeated the sixth grade, and accused the orphan chinese kid of eating random animals. Childofsin plays with his missing penis, hits on his pillow, and is an all around twat."
