accidents: specifically those caused by your own stupidity

I'm not really an accident prone sort of fella, but every now and again I have one which ends up achieving some sort of personal injury and a blank look. The blank look being the one I give when asked what happened, cos I know my answer will just mean that my inquisitor will think 'ya thick dozy cunt' or something similar.

and today I thought I'd clean the stove top, not a hard task really, one that needs a cup of coffee whilst doing it; so I made myself one, and then I put all the stove top rings in the sink... including the one I had just boiled the kettle on and as the realisation hit me and before anyone had a chance to say it I thought ' ya thick dozy cunt' and only then did I throw the hot piece of metal away

and so when MrsGaryMac asks how the Belfast Sink got a crack in it, she'll get another blank look.

any other nools have moments of common sense going on its own little holiday?

with increasing frequency :\ohwell:

GaryMac wrote:

any other nools have moments of common sense going on its own little holiday?

Every fuckin day!

and God created wives just to make sure we never forget these moments

Oooooh , Betty, i think i've done a woopsy

Now this is stupid:

Back when i was 19,many years ago,one sunday afternoon i decided to go fishing on the river bout a mile n half away from home.

I came back bout 5ish and walked thru the local park where a group of young ens were playing football. The ball came in my direction so one of the young ens shouted "pass me ball mister".

I tried to kick the ball,but,never saw the hole in front of me,wasnt a hole per se,more of a divot,needless to say,left ankle went down hole/divot and i went in the oposite direction.

I immediately felt sick and must have been rollin around for about ten minutes,while them little fuckers pissed themselves!

I managed to drag myself half a mile to the local pub where a few of me mates where,one of me mates took me up to casualty.

Had it xrayed but it wasnae broken,i'd only done me fookin ligaments in me ankle tho!

Went back to the hossy about 3 days after when the swelling went down,n they put me a pot on!

I had the fookin pot on for 6 WEEKS!

My left ankle has been fooked ever since!

Since then,i've done my ligaments in my left ankle 3 FOOKIN TIMES,while pissing about trying to dance whilst pissed,dont dance ANYMORE,just sit there like the specky kid that no-one wants to talk to!

Laugh,i nearly bough me own beer!

I now have what they call a CHRONIC SPRAIN,which basically means that if i do any excercise,my left ankle swells up and is basically fooked,might explain why i'm such a fat bastard!

moral of the story,one move and you are fooked for life!

http://www.neworderinfoweb.piczo.com

i ONCE got a JOB

Rocket Mick wrote: i ONCE got a JOB

No MICK, we're talking about things which really happened.

I have had so many falls both drunk and sober I can't even count. One of which my ankle slipped off the side of the curb (the sidewalk was not as wide as the restaurant had extended the outdoor patio) and I fell with my baby in my arms. I managed to protect the baby but I was in a bad way. I still managed to get up (with the help of strangers) and continue on into the restaurant for a lovely italian meal.

Laurs1029 wrote: I have had so many falls both drunk and sober I can't even count. One of which my ankle slipped off the side of the curb (the sidewalk was not as wide as the restaurant had extended the outdoor patio) and I fell with my baby in my arms. I managed to protect the baby but I was in a bad way. I still managed to get up (with the help of strangers) and continue on into the restaurant for a lovely italian meal.

Next time look after yourself, land on the offspring.....wee'uns are made of rubber or something, damned near indestructable except by deliberate effort (and anyone making such an effort feel free to pop round to my place for a kicking).

I am now reminded of my all time classic.......

Come out of pub. Building work going on in next door kebab emporium. Two milk crates sitting in street where they had been serving as props for the plank leading into the builder's skip (ermmmm dumptser), for the conveyance of wheelbarrows laden with rubble. Mate cracks one of them RIGHT accross the street. Pussy! Thinks I....and procedes to pull foot back for a BIG kick. Exectute a kick that would send a football over the roof of Wemberley. Upon making contact with milk crate, I am bemused by the lack of following through, the way my foot appears to have simply stopped (not to mention crunched up a bit). Discover, while still trying to figure out where the crate has gone, that the crate is not only sitting 3 inches from where it had been, but is also not a milk crate....in fact it's a plate steel crate for holding gas cylinders, and weights about 10KG. Next morning I woke, got out of bed, went downstairs for a drink.....and ended up sleeping on the sofa cos I couldn't get back upstairs one footed.

How I avoided permanent injury I simply do not know, but I was fucking crippled for at least a week. Mates found it fucking hilarious needless to say.

I once woke up and got my foot in the little rope of a window blind. I walked (say, making a couple of steps) until the rope went tight so that it made me fall, my knee meeting the bloody sharp corner of the seat near my bed. The pain was so awful that, trying to get my hurting leg out of the rope, I did it too nervously, strongly... The two metres and a half window blind did not resist this second shock and fell right on my forehead...

All that happened within the first 30 seconds of my day...

I once was waiting for a streetcar for half an hour before I realized there were no rails in the middle of the avenue. Apparently they were completely taken off a month or so before and patched up with asphalt.

Found out when I was 19 that you shouldn't drink 16 beers, then go shopping cart racing down residential hills. Mine hit a rock and sent me flying. Landed teeth first, the sound was like breaking porcelin in my head.

What really sucked is that it was Friday night and dentists aren't open on the weekend... my tooth was dangling by its nerve in my mouth. Was neither fun nor pleasant. Suprised i didn't off myself because of the constant pain...

i totaled my car in november. ran into the side of a parked mail truck (did little damage to the truck, but my car was a right mess). i fortunately found another car eventually--a 1999 dodge neon. runs well.