Sexy BNP Man

I shared a jacuzzi this morning with a BNP voter in Stoke. Built like a tank he was with the Right Said Fred haircut and hooped earing. He got into the jacuzzi, and within 60 seconds had asked me who I was voting for today and told me that he voted BNP the last time. He wasn't racist, but....etc etc.

I couldn't make out half of what he was saying cos of the bubble jets and his stoopid Midlands accent but he seemed to be particularly annoyed that 'they' all had mobile phones. Mobile phones I tell you!!!!! He watches them all hanging about talking on their mobile phones. How dare they!

Being a shitebag who lacks the courage of his own convictions (or because I just couldn't be fucking bothered at 10 AM with a muddy head) I mumbled some shite about 'radical parties seem to be picking up a lot of votes from nice but disillusioned people' and then turned the conversation to music. He told me he loved all types of music but that his two main passions (his word, not mine) were.....Erasure and UB40. You couldn't make it up.

Then, to crown it all, when I eventually made my excuses (he'd followed me into the steam room by this point) he asked me to leave my business card with the girl at reception for him to pick up after his workout. He never actually explained why he wanted it but it unnerved me somewhat. It was all very Alan Partridge. I was dying to get up and run out shouting 'like fuck I will you big bent Nazi!!!!!!'. But I never. I just thought it instead which made me laugh.

GlasVegas wrote: I shared a jacuzzi this morning with a BNP voter in Stoke. Built like a tank he was with the Right Said Fred haircut and hooped earing. He got into the jacuzzi, and within 60 seconds had asked me who I was voting for today and told me that he voted BNP the last time. He wasn't racist, but....etc etc.

I couldn't make out half of what he was saying cos of the bubble jets and his stoopid Midlands accent but he seemed to be particularly annoyed that 'they' all had mobile phones. Mobile phones I tell you!!!!! He watches them all hanging about talking on their mobile phones. How dare they!

Being a shitebag who lacks the courage of his own convictions (or because I just couldn't be fucking bothered at 10 AM with a muddy head) I mumbled some shite about 'radical parties seem to be picking up a lot of votes from nice but disillusioned people' and then turned the conversation to music. He told me he loved all types of music but that his two main passions (his word, not mine) were.....Erasure and UB40. You couldn't make it up.

Then, to crown it all, when I eventually made my excuses (he'd followed me into the steam room by this point) he asked me to leave my business card with the girl at reception for him to pick up after his workout. He never actually explained why he wanted it but it unnerved me somewhat. It was all very Alan Partridge. I was dying to get up and run out shouting 'like fuck I will you big bent Nazi!!!!!!'. But I never. I just thought it instead which made me laugh.

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote:

GlasVegas wrote: I shared a jacuzzi this morning with a BNP voter in Stoke. Built like a tank he was with the Right Said Fred haircut and hooped earing. He got into the jacuzzi, and within 60 seconds had asked me who I was voting for today and told me that he voted BNP the last time. He wasn't racist, but....etc etc.

I couldn't make out half of what he was saying cos of the bubble jets and his stoopid Midlands accent but he seemed to be particularly annoyed that 'they' all had mobile phones. Mobile phones I tell you!!!!! He watches them all hanging about talking on their mobile phones. How dare they!

Being a shitebag who lacks the courage of his own convictions (or because I just couldn't be fucking bothered at 10 AM with a muddy head) I mumbled some shite about 'radical parties seem to be picking up a lot of votes from nice but disillusioned people' and then turned the conversation to music. He told me he loved all types of music but that his two main passions (his word, not mine) were.....Erasure and UB40. You couldn't make it up.

Then, to crown it all, when I eventually made my excuses (he'd followed me into the steam room by this point) he asked me to leave my business card with the girl at reception for him to pick up after his workout. He never actually explained why he wanted it but it unnerved me somewhat. It was all very Alan Partridge. I was dying to get up and run out shouting 'like fuck I will you big bent Nazi!!!!!!'. But I never. I just thought it instead which made me laugh.

G-man- thats the price ya pay fucking off down stoke land. Was fradders booked in after you

........I had a mosey on down to the polling station at the textile museum.......on all three slips wrote 'none fit for purpose'.....is that bad?????????? .....

.....missus ahd a bit of a go when I told her.......she couldn't be arsed.......least i made the effort say I........

GlasVegas wrote: I shared a jacuzzi this morning with a BNP voter in Stoke. Built like a tank he was with the Right Said Fred haircut and hooped earing. He got into the jacuzzi, and within 60 seconds had asked me who I was voting for today and told me that he voted BNP the last time. He wasn't racist, but....etc etc.

Bet he was a hun as well G

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote:

GlasVegas wrote: I shared a jacuzzi this morning with a BNP voter in Stoke. Built like a tank he was with the Right Said Fred haircut and hooped earing. He got into the jacuzzi, and within 60 seconds had asked me who I was voting for today and told me that he voted BNP the last time. He wasn't racist, but....etc etc.

I couldn't make out half of what he was saying cos of the bubble jets and his stoopid Midlands accent but he seemed to be particularly annoyed that 'they' all had mobile phones. Mobile phones I tell you!!!!! He watches them all hanging about talking on their mobile phones. How dare they!

Being a shitebag who lacks the courage of his own convictions (or because I just couldn't be fucking bothered at 10 AM with a muddy head) I mumbled some shite about 'radical parties seem to be picking up a lot of votes from nice but disillusioned people' and then turned the conversation to music. He told me he loved all types of music but that his two main passions (his word, not mine) were.....Erasure and UB40. You couldn't make it up.

Then, to crown it all, when I eventually made my excuses (he'd followed me into the steam room by this point) he asked me to leave my business card with the girl at reception for him to pick up after his workout. He never actually explained why he wanted it but it unnerved me somewhat. It was all very Alan Partridge. I was dying to get up and run out shouting 'like fuck I will you big bent Nazi!!!!!!'. But I never. I just thought it instead which made me laugh.

'Stoopid' accent? Thayt just conna understand us, duck :D

I would definitely have pissed in that jacuzzi.

So would you, if you'd thought of it.

Diamond 383 wrote: I would definitely have pissed in that jacuzzi.

So would you, if you'd thought of it.

GlasVegas wrote: I shared a jacuzzi this morning with a BNP voter in Stoke. quote]

This must be the only place I could read a line like that......

Diamond 383 wrote: I would definitely have pissed in that jacuzzi.

So would you, if you'd thought of it.

It's a shame the phantom Urmston Pool Poo-er wasn't about.

Actually, I want to be in a Potteries band called "Sexy BNP Man".

"I shared a jacuzzi with a sexy BNP Man / He asked if he could wank me off / I said 'of course you can' / 'Cos he was a sexy BNP man /"

And that's off the top of me head. There's promise in this, I can tell yers.

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: Actually, I want to be in a Potteries band called "Sexy BNP Man".

"I shared a jacuzzi with a sexy BNP Man / He asked if he could wank me off / I said 'of course you can' / 'Cos he was a sexy BNP man /"

And that's off the top of me head. There's promise in this, I can tell yers.

The Macc Lads are shitting themselves

You bet they are.

"I was a weegie lost in Stoke, I met this local bloke / I didnae like his politics but still gave him a poke / The bubbles in the jacuzzi were fizzing up me erse / But his swastika offended me so i took him to task"

"I said 'I like the taste of yer cock, but yer voting plan is wrong' / His accent was like double dutch so I wrapped my lips around his dong / 'I'm fram Glasgae,' I told him 'yer ideology is dead' / 'Save me fram yer backwards racist bile - HATE PROTESTANTS INSTEAD!!"

There's more, I promise.

Gazman wrote:

Bet he was a hun as well G

Gazman wrote:

Bet he was well hunG

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: You bet they are.

"I was a weegie lost in Stoke, I met this local bloke / I didnae like his politics but still gave him a poke / The bubbles in the jacuzzi were fizzing up me erse / But his swastika offended me so i took him to task"

"I said 'I like the taste of yer cock, but yer voting plan is wrong' / His accent was like double dutch so I wrapped my lips around his dong / 'I'm fram Glasgae,' I told him 'yer ideology is dead' / 'Save me fram yer backwards racist bile - HATE PROTESTANTS INSTEAD!!"

There's more, I promise.

Just to clarify a few points....

1. The 'Sexy BNP Man' title was a Partridge reference ('ooooh sexy IRA man in your balaclava). I aint no pooftah!!!!!!!!!

2. Nobody outside of Trainspotting or Fife would refer to their 'erse'. It's 'arse', just like youse all say it.

3. Nobody in Scotland, not even people from Trainspotting or Fife, refers to Glasgow as "Glasgee', 'Glasgae' or any other phonetic variation. It's quite simply 'Glasgow' or 'Glesga'. These are your only two options English peeps. Use them wisely.

4. I hate Protestants.

Thanks

I was just upset that you were in a jacuzzi in Stoke* with a burly neo-fascist and didn't invite me!! We could have had fun. I do apologise for the crap attempts at phonetic spelling of Glasgow dialect, however. It was borrowed directly from the Shug Sludden dictionary of faux-Scots. I will not be making the same mistake again.

(* - I had no idea we had such things. The Potteries is becoming more like southern California every day. We'll have forest fires, a film star as mayor and a backlash against gayers before you know it.)

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: I was just upset that you were in a jacuzzi in Stoke* with a burly neo-fascist and didn't invite me!! We could have had fun. I do apologise for the crap attempts at phonetic spelling of Glasgow dialect, however. It was borrowed directly from the Shug Sludden dictionary of faux-Scots. I will not be making the same mistake again.

(* - I had no idea we had such things. The Potteries is becoming more like southern California every day. We'll have forest fires, a film star as mayor and a backlash against gayers before you know it.)

It wasn't actually Stoke to be honest, it was in the hinterland between Stoke and Newcastle-Under-Lyme. The Moat House to be exact. Lovely breakfast.

And Shug Sluddens' 'Faux-Glaswegian Phrasebook' has long been discredited. Shug would've been more useful helping me translate what this Midland's chap was saying. I didn't realise you actually lived in Stoke??

GlasVegas wrote:

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: I was just upset that you were in a jacuzzi in Stoke* with a burly neo-fascist and didn't invite me!! We could have had fun. I do apologise for the crap attempts at phonetic spelling of Glasgow dialect, however. It was borrowed directly from the Shug Sludden dictionary of faux-Scots. I will not be making the same mistake again.

(* - I had no idea we had such things. The Potteries is becoming more like southern California every day. We'll have forest fires, a film star as mayor and a backlash against gayers before you know it.)

It wasn't actually Stoke to be honest, it was in the hinterland between Stoke and Newcastle-Under-Lyme. The Moat House to be exact. Lovely breakfast.

And Shug Sluddens' 'Faux-Glaswegian Phrasebook' has long been discredited. Shug would've been more useful helping me translate what this Midland's chap was saying. I didn't realise you actually lived in Stoke??

The Moat House is on Festival Park. It's in Stoke, believe me!

Sam wrote:

GlasVegas wrote:

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: I was just upset that you were in a jacuzzi in Stoke* with a burly neo-fascist and didn't invite me!! We could have had fun. I do apologise for the crap attempts at phonetic spelling of Glasgow dialect, however. It was borrowed directly from the Shug Sludden dictionary of faux-Scots. I will not be making the same mistake again.

(* - I had no idea we had such things. The Potteries is becoming more like southern California every day. We'll have forest fires, a film star as mayor and a backlash against gayers before you know it.)

It wasn't actually Stoke to be honest, it was in the hinterland between Stoke and Newcastle-Under-Lyme. The Moat House to be exact. Lovely breakfast.

And Shug Sluddens' 'Faux-Glaswegian Phrasebook' has long been discredited. Shug would've been more useful helping me translate what this Midland's chap was saying. I didn't realise you actually lived in Stoke??

The Moat House is on Festival Park. It's in Stoke, believe me!

I bow down to your superior knowledge sir. We were working in Newcastle-Under-Lyme and the journey from there to l'hotel seemed to land us not quite in Stoke. I flew home from so-called Birmingham Airport but it was at least 10 miles from the Bull Ring shopping centre!!!! Bloody geography!

Sam, do you know who the sexy BNP man may be?

GlasVegas wrote:

Sam, do you know who the sexy BNP man may be?

No, the few deranged BNP supporters who I do know (we just avoid talking about politics because I would just laugh at them) have hair.

OOOOh I can hear it now......a sort of Lonny Donegan (that's spelt well fuckin wrong isn't it), but instead of the washbasin bass drum, the sounds of marching white feet. Sort of "my old man's a brownshirt, he serves the master race" motif.

I volunteer to do the music, but main as an excuse to watch Martin pseudo-felating a microphone.

GlasVegas wrote:

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: I was just upset that you were in a jacuzzi in Stoke* with a burly neo-fascist and didn't invite me!! We could have had fun. I do apologise for the crap attempts at phonetic spelling of Glasgow dialect, however. It was borrowed directly from the Shug Sludden dictionary of faux-Scots. I will not be making the same mistake again.

(* - I had no idea we had such things. The Potteries is becoming more like southern California every day. We'll have forest fires, a film star as mayor and a backlash against gayers before you know it.)

It wasn't actually Stoke to be honest, it was in the hinterland between Stoke and Newcastle-Under-Lyme. The Moat House to be exact. Lovely breakfast.

And Shug Sluddens' 'Faux-Glaswegian Phrasebook' has long been discredited. Shug would've been more useful helping me translate what this Midland's chap was saying. I didn't realise you actually lived in Stoke??

Not sexy, not actually in Stoke... what really happened in the Jacuzzi... or was it really a mud puddle outside the moat house? and was he really BNP

GlasVegas wrote:

4. I hate Protestants.

Thanks

Ger Boy wrote:

Gazman wrote:

Bet he was a hun as well G

Gazman wrote:

Bet he was well hunG

Give ye yer due,

no even a wee bite

BCD...

So the Scots do not like the English, the English only like themselves and there is a British National Party...

Is that BNP a joint-venture of EnglishNP, ScottishNP, WelshNP and N.IrishNP ?

I am quite confused at this point...

Jiphy wrote: BCD...

So the Scots do not like the English, the English only like themselves and there is a British National Party...

Is that BNP a joint-venture of EnglishNP, ScottishNP, WelshNP and N.IrishNP ?

I am quite confused at this point...

Don't forget about our centuries old rivalry with that lot across the English Channel.

Sam wrote:

GlasVegas wrote:

Sam, do you know who the sexy BNP man may be?

No, the few deranged BNP supporters who I do know (we just avoid talking about politics because I would just laugh at them) have hair.

Really, i thought them all bald?