Top 5 things that you associate with Christmas

1. The once-a-year experience of washing chocolates down with beer.
2. The apocalyptic stench of Boxing Day farts at the football (best ever Boxing Day game: Stoke 3-1 Man City, 1988).
3. Not leaving the house for 72 hours at a time and thinking nothing of it.
4. The faint but irremovable taste of stale jism at the back of your throat (though this might just be me - thanks, Uncle Dave).
5. Putting on half-a-stone in the space of a week and still being impressed with your self-restraint.

1. Spoiled kids
2. Drunk Santa
3. No snow this Christmas either
4. Mother in law on visit, yuck
5. No work for a couple of days, thank God!

Noel Edmunds Noel Edmunds Jumpers Noel Edmunds innane grin Noel Edmunds visiting kids in hospital (the kids are unfortuately poorly and he turns up, just what they need !!!) Noel Edmunds deal or no deal on xmas day (i hope it does not come to that )

Rian wrote:

1. Spoiled kids
2. Drunk Santa
3. No snow this Christmas either 4) Mother in law on visit, yuck
4. No work for a couple of days, thank God!

That is my number 1.

maybe this was about top 5 best things...

wait until you see my top 5 worse things..

Family listening to Chaz and Dave Arguments Getting pissed on Christmas Eve and paying through the nose to get home. Turkey forever People who hate each other all year pretending to be nice to each other.

I take it someones not a Noel Edmonds fan,couldn,t agree more hes a fuckin arsehole.

Baileys Mince Pies Hangovers Lie Ins Debt

Boxer shorts socks jumpers turkey laughing at work colleagues that are working Christmas day

Best things Lots of new things to play with nice food at the mother in laws (she's a much better cook than my mum and has a dishwasher!) Sinead O'Connor singing silent night The Phil Spector Christmas album laughing at the everyone in the silly paper hat from the crackers

Worst things Fireworks going off at 3:30 am getting up far too early Whigfields cover of last Christmas (the most appalling song ever made even worse) indigestion being laughed at for wearing the silly paper hat from the crackers

• Inedible cuisine

• The pilgrimage to Lakeside/Bluewater/Trafford Centre

• Outtake TV

• Del Boy falling over

• then Gym Membership/lots of diets/ocean finance/post festive bulimia

Did I imagine it, or did Ryan just post?

I fucking hate Christmas. It's a time when obligation and routine bites harder than any other time in the year and I miss everyone who I'm not with more than the rest of the year.

It does give you an excuse to go further down the wine list though.

Biginoil wrote: Did I imagine it, or did Ryan just post?

I did! :)

I must say that I also hate Christmas. But with 4 kids, there is no escape for me....

Hmmm

1. the feeling that it isnt like when you are a kid.
2. Phil Spector album (of course)
3. Spending all day at my in laws when i really want to be in my own house.
4. Having to sit and watch the jelly bean, because my brother in law loves to sit and watch some old bird read out someone elses speech to the nation.
5. Everyone being boringly cynical about everything, because to actually enjoy it would be soooo uncool. If you want to impress me, get the daft hat on and enter into the spirit of it, dont sit there thinking you are being original saying bah hum bug every two seconds.
6. My parish church with trees up out side, and the stain glass window illumiated.
7. Getting to give loads of girls kisses and not get battered.
8. Knocking off work, even though or maybe because i dont like most people i work with, i love saying goodbye and wishing them the best, knowing i wont see them for ages.
9. People moaning about the shops being shut, its one day, get over it.
10. Wishing i had more money to buy people what they really deserve.

1. My mum's cooking (chicken and stuffing)
2. Christmas cake (Japanese style)
3. Pretty illuminations
4. Christmas songs
5. Snow

The Food (cheese's, the pies, the cakes, even pringles) Drink/ being drunk/ being solidly drunk for the whole holidays and it being acceptable family visiting, family fuck up. the dog walk (often getting stupidly beyond lost) shiny new stuff to play with (wrapped up the clone theory for meself for xmas:D )

Trying to get off with girls you used to go to school with.

Failing.

Massive tax bills.

All mine are a bit cliche and only good things... I like Christmas, the Nativity scene, Santa Claus, lights and the whole bit... but wouldn't want to ruin the pissing about party so I'll leave my list for another day.

leather_girl wrote:

2. Christmas cake (Japanese style)

Lemme guess....seaweed instead of raisins :D

X Juliette Oh la la X wrote:

Noel Edmunds Jumpers

I have an Aunty who is a total fruit-loop but really nice and old now,Aunty Molly. Most years she'll knit me or one of the kids a really bad jumper,we sort of take it in turns from her....and these things sometimes have 3 arms in them,I'm not kidding,she's off it and blatantly a terrible knitter,but thoughtful and kind...

Even she doesn't knitt Noel Edmonds jumpers mind,bit of a niche market them blighters,one would assume

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Noel%20Edmonds

A very apt description,and a knock on the Noely hurts like hell

Entered in the urban dictionary by one Colin T. Hmmm,who is that I wonder?

Boatraceface wrote:

Entered in the urban dictionary by one Colin T. Hmmm,who is that I wonder?

I think youre onto summit there Boaty,check out Colin T's other entry...the 'ladybum' one

Gazman wrote:

Boatraceface wrote:

Entered in the urban dictionary by one Colin T. Hmmm,who is that I wonder?

I think youre onto summit there Boaty,check out Colin T's other entry...the 'ladybum' one

It's Biggy alright

I planted the Edmonds seed,Col delivered it like Santa. Look at the entry date of 25th Dec 2007.

Brill.

My top 5 things I associate with Christmas are:

1. the smell of turkey as you take it out of the oven
2. open boxes of chocolates everywhere
3. being surrounded by cardboard toy boxes everywhere, not to mention wrapping paper
4. walking into someone's house & smelling their Xmas tree
5. listening to Christmas carols as you wait for Midnight mass to start.

Chris Nash wrote:

annmuin wrote:

4. walking into someone's house & smelling their Xmas tree

Is that a euphemism? Is it a fetish? Has anyone ever called the police when you've done that? Is it strangers' houses or just people you know?

Just curious...

NO,NO,NO & NO!

I pity you that you don't have a real Christmas tree to appreciate the scent of a real pine or douglas fir. You must live in a big city where real trees do not exist and cynicism abounds. Take a nature walk sometimes or find the nearest park and breathe in the fresh air...

Chris Nash wrote:

annmuin wrote:

4. walking into someone's house & smelling their Xmas tree

Is that a euphemism? Is it a fetish? Has anyone ever called the police when you've done that? Is it strangers' houses or just people you know?

Just curious...

Believe me, I have a sense of humour. You just weren't funny. You were borderline offensive.

annmuin wrote: Believe me, I have a sense of humour. You just weren't funny. You were borderline offensive.

I'm sure I will be offending people in the future and I don't want to be too self-conscious about it.

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote:

Chris Nash wrote:

annmuin wrote:

4. walking into someone's house & smelling their Xmas tree

Is that a euphemism? Is it a fetish? Has anyone ever called the police when you've done that? Is it strangers' houses or just people you know?

Just curious...

I loled...

Likewise!

1. Not being at work.
2. Cooking.
3. Getting pleasantly tanked.
4. Keeping overindulgence just out of range of the nausea zone.
5. Helping sproglets unwrap stupid bits of twiddly wire from hermetically sealed nuclear war proof plastic cases.

annmuin wrote: Believe me, I have a sense of humour. You just weren't funny. You were borderline offensive.

Hi I'm from Northern Ireland, and consequently have a real issue with borders, with that in mind.........

What a shock to see you bear out every worst thing heard about you moosefuckers, anyone I know who's been there claims that at least 80% (I've heard estimates as high as 98.32%) of the populace are born with no humour genes at all, and are actually WAY worse than their retarded neighbours to the South when it comes to totally not getting the gag. The remaining population are apparently, utterly hilarious, moderately mental, and spend a great deal of their lives trying to pretend they do not know the rest of Canada. Take Jacques Villeneuve, who's car plunged off the road at Australia 2001, with debris killing a photographer......several months later IN Canada, he had the cheek to call Juan Pablo Montoya unsafe....and to get physically agressive when Montoya quite reasonably stated "Funny, I don't recall killing anyone this year"

If that was borderline offensive, let me know, and I'll dig up a few of your ancestors and bumrape their corpses.

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the "Would everybody with serious personality issues (that aren't as funny as Fradders' or Digi's) please fuck off back to the sane side before somebody (them) gets hurt" society. Thank you, and give generously to our next "crack cocaine for orphans" collection.

PS: I bet you have a face like a lepper's cunt.

And yes, I am trying to steal post of the year on the last lap.

OH .......

1. Dr Who Xmas special (it's always cack, it's a new tradition, but just to know how many people are seeing it, and know that if one in 100,000 of them goes on to watch other Who for the first time, that's a whole load of folks who will hear such wonders as "Pah, anyone can make sense" and "Whatever I've done for you in the past, I've more than made up for" is just wonderful.) 2.not being able to move in my living room, which is crammed on all walls with machine, for all the sudden additions of more machines and their traveling attire.
2. Salivating canines posted in front of the oven for 12 hours....presumably in case you sneak the dodo size turkey past them and eat every pick. Almost every dog I have ever had has gone through some variation of this ritual...some standing, some lying, some sitting....even one, who for 364 days of the year, was as gentle as a lamb on vallium and slept at the foot of my mum's bed......but who, on xmas eve, when the turkey's slow cook was begun (well, early hours of Xmas day, but until santa has been it's xmas eve)....would lie, in the pose of a regal lion or trained attack dog, directly in front of the oven, and bare teeth at anyone who thought to move him.
3. It only happened twice but it'll stick for ever..... EJ joining me and mum and bro and (now departed) granddad, at the table and eating off a plate (with impeccable manners) and even wearing a hat. Sort of happened by accident the first time, and we were stunned at how "not dog" he was. EJ's successor, Tux, is half Lab, 3/8ths fuckknows and about 1/8th staffie.....he therefor has massive intelligence and the jaw pressure of a great white shark....he's getting tossed into the yard with a ham bone
4. A Christmas Carol, particularly the one with Paddy Stewart.

Doctor? wrote: and are actually WAY worse than their retarded neighbours to the South when it comes to totally not getting the gag.

I don't know, a lot of Mexicans i know seem to get a gag pretty well and are pretty funny individuals.