2002: The Year That Wasn't :beer:

Ladies and gentlemen, the year 2002 will be memorable to me for two reasons:

1. Michael Jackson assuering us all of his sanity as he dangled his baby from a hotel window

2. I got to up my ante of posts full of nonsensical cap to well over 2000

In many ways, 2002 has been a bit of a downer: I haven't really found anyone to share my little cardboard box with, Britney Spears keeps returing my letters unopened, the Yankees have yet to call me up to the big leagues, and David Hasselhoff came under intense derision on htis site, almost forcing me to end my membership here.

But some great things have happened too: Ally McBeal was cancelled, effectively ending David E. Kelley's monopolization of crappy lawyer shows on every network; REO Speedwagon was unable to capitalize on any "80's revival"; Pat Robertson was revealed as the Tolkien-esque gnome that he is; Martha Stewart will finally be able to show how to avoid being someone's bitch while in prison by arranging a crowbar in a handy display case of spruce pine; and the Rolling Stones retired while their dignity remained intact......okay, the last one didn't come to pass, but there's still time.

I learned a lot about the world: Apparently we lost the war in Vietnam, Pink Floyd has yet to record any more albums since 1995, Dick Cheney is really eager to bomb Iraq, and Michael Jackson enjoys dangling children from windows.

Seriously, though, I will say that Rosie O'Donnell is one fine chick......

The year went by so fast, I wondered if perhaps someone kept hitting my snooze button during the month of May. Nonetheless, plenty of crap which I can't remember happened, all while I vegged out in front of the tube or computer.

Keeping the faith in humanity has been difficult, but I find solace in the albums of TV's Gomer Pyle (Jim Nabors). That purple dinosaur Barney has had some great moral lessons, like "always swallow the bags of crack before you get to the airport, they'll never pick it up in security." Heavy metal taught us how to live and how to love; nu-metal taught us how to break shit. Moby became the whipping boy of the year for thuggish white wrappers forever stained by Vanilla Ice. America's finest talked about putting boots in the asses of people who didn't like us.

That was the year, it's almost over. When's the bar open?

Originally posted by Taboo # 7 David Hasselhoff came under intense derision on htis site, almost forcing me to end my membership here.

what was it that some comedian said on VH1's 'i love the 80s'?

to paraphrase: 'for the past 20 years david hasselhoff has had the ability to step into piles of horse manure and turn them into piles of gold. he just may be the most intelligent man on the planet today.'

and i miss ally mcbeal.