Alex McLeish was caught speeding on his way to Ibrox today when questioned he said, "I'll do anything for 3 points".
A man hands over a 50 note to the turnstyle operator at Ibrox. Man: Two please. Turnstyle Operator: Will that be defenders or strikers, sir?
How many Rangers fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they're all happy living in the shadows.
Why do Rangers fans put team stickers on their cars? So they can park in the handicapped spots
A Rangers fan walks past a shop and sees the video "Rangers - The Glory Years". He goes into the shop and asks how much. "£100" says the shopkeeper. "That's a bit steep, how come it's so dear ??" "Well its a tenner for the video and 90 for the Betamax recorder!!
A man desperate at Rangers current situation decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Rangers kit as his last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Rangers kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Rangers are good enough to win the League." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
Apparently, Alex McLeish offered to send the Rangers squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.
What do you get if you see a Rangers fan buried up to his neck in sand? More sand.
Name three football clubs that contain swear words? Liverpool,Arsenal and F*****g Rangers
Police recently quizzed Barry Ferguson about an alleged attack on a pregnant lady. When asked why he attacked the woman, he replied:"I never realised she was pregnant, I thought that it was a 50-50 ball that she had up her jumper!"
What is the difference between the Elephant Man and Barry Ferguson? The Elephant Man has a better chance of scoring.
Alex McLeish was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way, you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"
A bloke goes into Glasgow Airport and manages to eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the floor. "Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew. "Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless .... we had the Rangers players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad".
A Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop and sees an ornamental brass rat, the sort of thing women of a certain age love to put on the mantelpiece. He thinks "that'll be perfect for his Mother's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is. "25 for the rat, 100 for the story", replies the man. "Forget the story" says the bloke, and so buys the rat for 25 quid. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 30 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke then runs back to the shop..... "Ah", says the shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story" "Screw the story - do you have a brass Rangers fan?"
A fella is going through the park one day when he sees a child being attacked by a large Rottweiler. Fearing not for his safety,he leaps on the manky beast and after a struggle manages to break it's neck and kill it. Nowhis violent scenario was witnessed by a reporter for the Daily Record, who approaches the man to offer his congratulations. He asks if he can run the story of great bravery in the paper the next day. Our hero agrees to this. The reporter then asks if the man is an Everton supporter. When told no, he says "that's a pity - I would have used the headline 'Toffee Man Saves Tot'... The reporter then asks if the fella is by any chance a Newcastle supporter. Again, unfortunately the answer is no ..."you see I could have used Magpie Saves Bairn"...When asked which team he actually does support the rescuer replies "I'm a Rangers Follower"..... "Ah, I see. Well sir, tonight I'll see what I can do with that", comes the reply. The following morning, the headline on page 2 of the Daily Record reads:-
"IBROX BASTARD SAVAGES FAMILY PET"
Q. What's the difference between a Rangers and a coconut? A. One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit.
Q: What's the difference between a Pyromaniac and Rangers football club? A: A Pyromaniac wouldn't throw away all his matches!
Q: What has 90,000 arms and an IQ of 170 A: Ibrox every other Saturday.
Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to Rangers fans? A: It saves time
Q: What do you call a Rangers fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi? A: A burglar
Q: How can you tell when Rangers are losing? A: It's five past three.
Q: What do you call a Rangers fan with many girlfriends? A: A Shepherd
Q: What do you call 20 Rangers fans sky-diving? A: Diarrhoea
Q: What do General Pinochet and Rangers have in common? A: They both round people up into football stadiums and torture them.
Q: What do you say to a Rangers fan with a job? A: Can I have a Big Mac please!
Superb stuff Niely, I'll get it printed out tommorow if I get the chance.
John does that surprise you?
How many games have they had a player sent off when they're getting beat
