PADDY HAD BEEN DRINKING AT HIS LOCAL PUB ALL DAY AND MOST OF THE NIGHT CELEBRATING IRELAND'S DRAW WITH GERMANY.
MICK, THE BAR TENDER, SAYS "YOU'LL NOT BE DRINKING ANYMORE TONIGHT, PADDY"
PADDY REPLIES "O.K. MICK, I'LL BE ON MY WAY THEN."
PADDY SPINS AROUND ON HIS STOOL AND STEPS OFF. HE FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE!
"SHOITE" HE SAYS AND PULLS HIMSELF UP BY THE STOOL AND DUSTS HIMSELF OFF.
HE TAKES A STEP TOWARDS THE DOOR AND FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE! "SHOITE! SHOITE!"
HE LOOKS TO THE DOORWAY AND THINKS TO HIMSELF THAT IF HE CAN JUST GET TO THE DOOR AND SOME FRESH AIR HE'LL BE FINE.
HE BELLY CRAWLS TO THE DOOR AND SHIMMIES UP TO THE DOOR FRAME.
HE STICKS HIS HEAD OUTSIDE AND TAKES A DEEP BREATH OF FRESH AIR, FEELS BETTER AND TAKES A STEP OUT ONTO THE STREET.
HE FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE!!
"BI' JESUS....... I'M FOCKIN' FOCKED," HE SAYS
HE CAN SEE HIS HOUSE JUST A FEW DOORS DOWN, AND CRAWLS TO THE DOOR, SHIMMIES HIMSELF UP THE DOOR FRAME, OPENS THE DOOR AND SHIMMIES INSIDE.
PADDY TAKES A LOOK UP THE STAIRS AND SAYS "NO FOCKIN' WAY."
HE CRAWLS UP THE STAIRS TO HIS BEDROOM DOOR AND SAYS "I CAN MAKE IT TO BED."
HE TAKES A STEP INTO THE ROOM AND FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE!!
"FOCK IT I'LL SLEEP HERE!!!"
THE NEXT MORNING, HIS WIFE, JESS, COMES INTO THE ROOM CARRYING A CUP OF COFFEE AND SAYS, "GET OP PADDY. DID YOU HAVE A BIT TO DRINK LAST NIGHT?"
PADDY SAYS, "I DID JESS , I WAS FOCKIN' PISSED. BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
"MICK CALLED............YOU LEFT YOUR WHEELCHAIR AT THE PUB."
