A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich $1.50, Chicken Sandwich $2.50, Hand Job $10.00. Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am" The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
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A newly married couple returned to their apartment after being on honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbours will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?" So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?" "No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep. When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?" "No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."
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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff _____
This Farmer goes for his Driving Test. During the test the Instructor says to the farmer, "Can you make a U-Turn?" Ro which the farmer replies "nah, but I can make its eyes water" _____
There are four Jamaicans going to a fancy dress party. The first one arrives at the door and he has a smiley face. The host asks him what he has come as, to which he replies, "I have come as a happy man". Then the second Jamaican arrives with a sad face. He said he had come as sad man. So then the next two Jamaicans arrive at the door. One has custard on his dick, the other has a pear wrapped round his dick. The host asks him what they have come as to which they reply. " Well I'm Fucking disgusted and he is fucking dispair"! _____
top Six reasons to prove that computers are female: 6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner. 5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic. 4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference. 3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else 2. The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you." And the number one reason is: As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.
