Best song to empty a room

Imagine : it's very late and you want to go to sleep. But your guests won't leave. Which song, or record, do you put on to make them hurry their leave ? NO or not.

Recently, I must say the 20 minutes epic of Mogwai 'My Father My King' could be a real contender.

Russ Abbott's cover of the JD classic "Atmosphere"....

Some John Zorn can do the job too...

Or a dirty JD live bootleg...

Interesting topic, let's see what I can add: 1.Have a song on a compilation cd, Swell Maps "Let's Build a Car". Love it myself, but it could empty the room if you throw it on after everyone's been used to Destiny's Child all night. 2.Just about anything by the Jesus and Mary Chain, but especially Psychocandy at full blast. That'll give your guests headaches before the third track 3.Any Englebert Humperdinck, Richard Harris, or Leo Sayre album will suffice, but no Neil Diamond. People would actually stay longer for his ghastly shite. 4.Preston, Feb 28, 1980-Even those of us who like this show have to admit, it's not for everybody 5.The Cure, Seventeen Seconds-drags any party down real quick (though you shouldn't put Disintergration or Closer on afterwards. You want people to leave, not throw themselves from your roof) 6.Pink Floyd, the Wall-As with Dis and Closer, you want people to leave, not die, so put this on at your own risk. But, if you really can't seem to get rid of the last few guests, put this on at full blast and hide in another room. No one can take this album all the way thru.

Those are my tips......

Hard House Anthems #4, Hard House Nation, Let there be Hard House etc

Though if you own a cd like this you deserve shooting anyway

Originally posted by Seb Briggs Hard House Anthems #4, Hard House Nation, Let there be Hard House etcThough if you own a cd like this you deserve shooting anyway

What if it was free with Muzik? Can I be excused if it still has the cellophane on it?

Not if it isn't already in the bin, Ian

What about (as far as clearing out a room) John Denver's greatest hits? Lionel Richie's? Starland Vocal Band?

But, Taboo7, you have to remember you're at your home. So you must pick something you might own...

what about new order's only official live album. geez barney sounds like he's being tortured on some of those songs. i cannot listen to it even though there were a couple (2) nice moments. overall, it's ear punishing chaos.

My mom has the John Denver album on vinyl, so technically I could do that. Of course that would constitute a crime against humanity

anything by any uk garage supposed 'artists' would cause me to run screaming from a room or jump out of the nearest available window. yes, anyone who has read any of my earlier posts, i do have a deep deep loathing of this particular genre of ....erm....music.

I always found the best way to clear the house was to simply switch the music off altogether, they soon get the message!

Originally posted by Sarah&nbspMiddle anything by any uk garage supposed 'artists' would cause me to run screaming from a room or jump out of the nearest available window. yes, anyone who has read any of my earlier posts, i do have a deep deep loathing of this particular genre of ....erm....music.

:evil: I think I have something for the occasion: namely a Ministry of Sound compilation imaginatively called "UK Garage - the album". It starts off with a remix of "Seven Days". Other "highlights" include the talent of Victoria Beckham and an Artful Dodger remix of Sisqo's "Thong Song"...

Hey, where did everyone go??

Well perhaps it is an alternative form of music that could 'urge' the unwanted guests away from the building. After the 'indian' curry had been thoroughly digested, and the game 'Twister' was being enjoyed - when their guard had been lowered - a mighty, deep rooted human trump could disperse enough 'indian' curry repeater around the circumference of the living room without any nook or cranny to hide that could just tip them into making their various excuses and leaving.

'Is that the time, we have to be going because Humphrey has a meeting in 3 days' etc.

Originally posted by Muffy I always found the best way to clear the house was to simply switch the music off altogether, they soon get the message!

Nice one Muffster!!

(though I would also have to add that some of my extreme noise shit that I listen to can skin a horse at 500 paces - so that comes in quite useful too!!!)

The best CD to clear a room is one of those one's used to de-magnetise your CD player. It makes a noise that sounds something like what you would hear if a combine harvester lost control and wandered into a pig sty.

maybe im unusually rude or something but i find the words "fuck off" uttered repeatedly really does the trick. however, sometimes i find myself inadvertantly emptying rooms cos im frankly shite at tailoring the music to people present...and it doesnt help that most of my friends have really boring taste. seb, in my experience theyll stay through hardhouse but wont be able to stick a dave clarke or ritchie hawtins mix...wusses. also the clashs first album proved to have quite considerable repellent effect...the words "what is this shit?" were bandied around. the ultimate party pooper though is "soundtracks for living" by the gentle people...its just so incredibly bad, no-one (at least that i know) can tolerate more than 5 minutes of it.

Originally posted by velocity girl the ultimate party pooper though is "soundtracks for living" by the gentle people...its just so incredibly bad, no-one (at least that i know) can tolerate more than 5 minutes of it.

Would you agree 'Groovin, With You' is simply faboo though?especially the intergalactic harbour mix

This is not a NO song or video, but I once accomplished the task of emptying a room by showing the Einsturzende Neubauten video for ZNS. If I had to use a NO song for that, I suppose that In A Lonely Place might do the trick.

Joe T Vanelli's remix of 1963'95.

VG, Dave Clarke rules - proper techno unlike that Hardhouse shit. No need for those sunnys though.

Originally posted by Taboo # 7 What about (as far as clearing out a room) John Denver's greatest hits? Lionel Richie's? Starland Vocal Band?

nah - you'd still be left with people wanting to hear leaving on a jet plane to spot the resemblence run 2 has to it...

Birdie song!! I wish I could fly (Orvil) Happy talking talking (I think this is the title) Captain Sensible And no, I don't own any of them.

Would you agree 'Groovin, With You' is simply faboo though?especially the intergalactic harbour mix hank, we are in agreement... "simply faboo" is a much better effort than "soundtracks for living".

VG, Dave Clarke rules he does indeed. i`ve been a dave clarke devotee for years and finally got to meet him last summer. what a sweetie!

Yanni might clear the room.....or Kraftwerk.....or showing John Carpenter's "The Thing" on a big screen tv (anyone who'se seen this can back me up on the grossness of certain scenes).

Also, turning off the power to the house might work

Yanni might clear the room.....or Kraftwerk.....or showing John Carpenter's "The Thing" on a big screen tv (anyone who'se seen this can back me up on the grossness of certain scenes).

Also, turning off the power to the house might work

Originally posted by Shug Matchstalk Men and Matchstick Cats and Dogs, by two weird looking feckers with horrible jumpers, Brian & Peter me thinks

Shug, for your information they were a one-hit wonder from Stockport (near Manchester) called BRIAN AND MICHAEL who also had the ST WINIFRED'S SCHOOL CHOIR (of later Grandma Vs Satan fame). Look in the Guiness Book of British Hit Singles then ... sorry, I'm showing my age here.... yeah, it WAS wretched,. even then, but I can still think of WORSE songs (Orville? The Chicken Song? Star Trekkin?)

Originally posted by Shug

Yeah, much obliged Shuv: Brian (Awkright) is now a very successful children's books author,and Michael (Cottingley) was last spotted as a hired hand for designing and affixing stage sets at his local community theatre in Glossop. (that's a town in Derbyshire just outside the Manchester sprawl - not far from HADFIELD, where the "LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN" was filmed, comedy fans!)

Sorry, I meant SHUG! aaarrrgh!!

(too many spliffs, sorry....)

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by Martin Gray> > > > Originally posted by Shug> > > > Martin, How the fuck do you know all this? or is it sarcasm from all the spliffs This is going to sound really mad, but there was a TV programme similar to the "Where Are They Now?" thigies you get all the time. It was on Granada TV here in the North West, and it mentioned St Winifred's SChool Choir - who backed Brian and Michael on that shite Matchstick song, but a new line up of the same choir turned up two years later with Grandma (did you know John Lennon was shot the week this little ditty was top of the treee? ). The feature touched on Brian and Michael and intervied two young mums who used to be in St Winfreds Choir, then showed a brief clip of Michael at work...truly eye-opening, yet at the same time toe-curling stuff. Sadly, yours truly has this frankly unhealthy habit of sucking up such meaningless trivial detritus like some overzealous Dyson with a personality defect. So, please, don't blame the spliffs, it's just my sick memory at work once again!"PROUST!!"

How 'bout some Wayne Newton stuff...

I have some great stuff by Einsturzende Neubauten which would definitely set people's teeth on edge. Failing that, some of Genesis P Orridges' stuff with Throbbing Gristle usually works wonders every time. Mind you - I think Throbbing Gristle are perfect soyder drinking music. Wonderful to unwind to... Others may disagree however...

"Ventolin" by Aphex Twin should drive them out.

"S-S-S-S-S-Star Eyes" by Colin Newman is good too.

Why the fuck hasn't anybody thought of "Metal Machine Music" by Lou Reed? (Yes, I own all of these.)

I used to have a seal-point Siamese kitten who would hide under the bed whenever I put on Eno's "The Shutov Assembly." There must be some nasty high frequencies on that one.

As far as JD/NO, nothin' says lovin' like a cover of "Sister Ray." Except the original. And "European Son." And "Lady Godiva's Operation." That whole record.

You want ppl out of your house? Make an 80 minute remix of New Order's Liar.

Originally posted by Allen Jarvis > Originally posted by Seb Briggs> Hard House Anthems #4, Hard House Nation, Let there be Hard House etc> > Though if you own a cd like this you deserve shooting anyway

Nothing wrong with a bit of Hard House, Sebsy. Though I'm not aware of that particular volume. The Euphoria collections are okay, if a bit MOR. Hands in the air. Lots of bird in fluffy bras and big shoes. Phwoare.

I'ts Happy Hardcore I can't stomach. What pish.

I agree, but I LOVE all hardcore, happy or not!!! Trance is Great Long live Tree

How could I have forgotten "Sex Bomb" by Flipper?

As Henry Rollins observed, after a while, even your appliances will beg you to turn it off.

Sex bomb, baby. Kills bugs dead.

In A Lonely Place. How to depress the fuck out of anyone very quickly.

Originally posted by Gnu Odor How could I have forgotten "Sex Bomb" by Flipper?As Henry Rollins observed, after a while, even your appliances will beg you to turn it off.Sex bomb, baby. Kills bugs dead.

Hell, any Flipper'll do in a pinch. Brainwash is brilliant...a bunch of repeating snippets where the singer goes "umm....ok......you see there was this.... and ummm....nevermind......forget it......you wouldn't understand it anyway" over a simple riff. On the last snippet, there is a closed groove, and then the fun kicks in: "Forget it...you wouldn't understand" repeated ad nauseum until the listener gets up and takes the needle off of the 45. Stoopid indeed.

How about that concept album by William Shatner that he did in the late 60s/early 70s featuring some truly unforgettable "performances" from Kirk himself - one of my mates used to have it and believe me, the couple of times he played it, people pissed themselves laughing so much they all had to stagger out of the room looking for the bog in order to clean themselves up! Failing that, try that notorious "cult" album by The Shaggs - "Philosophy Of The World"? Toecurlingly hideous!

One word: "mariahcarey"

(had to amalgamate two words there to make it work, think i pulled it off though.)

Speaking of The aforementioned Tuneless One (Miss Carey), she just got dumped by her record company.....:D

Now that has well and truly made my day!! (second only to getting hold of "Brutal" on "The Beach" soundtrack for less than two quid today...)

Originally posted by Taboo # 7 Speaking of The aforementioned Tuneless One (Miss Carey), she just got dumped by her record company.....:D

Guess that means she'll be posing for Playboy sooner that she thought in an attempt to revive her career, and here some people were thinking that Britney would beat her to the punch.

"Death threats" - Throbbing Gristle "Mary Bell" on repeat - Monte Cazazza "Kick that habit man" - Monte Cazazza

In order to have New Order for yourself :)

Be yourself! you can walk, you can talk, you don't have to be someone...

stagetites against achetecture v1 - einsturzende neubauten or ter tod is un dany by e.n that works great actually the warsaw bootlegg is great for clearing a room but even better is autobahn 22 minutes of that drives most my friends crazy including my girlfriend but he best ever clear the room album would be ANY LYDIA LUNCH SPOKEN WORD ALBUM

Originally posted by Taboo # 7 Speaking of The aforementioned Tuneless One (Miss Carey), she just got dumped by her record company.....:D

That makes me so happy, tempered somewhat by the fact that they paid her $28 million to leave.