It was a weekend like no other, it was a weekend never to be forgot, it was the infamous weekend of Shug’s 27th Birthday.
The day started well, Myself and my mate Annie (the one with the obsessive crush on Hooky) got ready and set off early to make it to Corby to collect the Shug-ster and his mate Malky. After a few miles on the road my mobile rang and the dulcet Scottish tones of Shug boomed in my ear.... “Good Morning Missus, This is your early morning wake up call!” “Cock Off, we’ve been up for hours you arse!”
The precedent was set for the day.
The journey to Corby was pleasant, listening to Get Ready, enjoying the magnificent countryside surrounding the M1 etc. etc......
As we approached Corby we rang Shug for directions..... only problem being that Shug clearly has trouble finding his own arse with both hands. After a huge wild goose chase we were finally greeted by a Teddy Sherringham lookalike inviting us in for coffee.
The drive to London was....erm.....interesting. Annie and I were in our usual rowdy mood, and to be honest I think we scared the shite out of the pair of them. Shug’s usual smiling face was replaced by the look of man who had looked death in the eyes.... Armed with a 30 pack of Stella, Shug and Malky got things off to a great start by drinking in the back of the car.... having said that things would have been a lot nicer without Shug’s incessant whinging.... “Och Liv, you’re gonnae have to stop, I’m dying for a piss” etc. etc. etc. By the time we got to London we were about ready to stab the whinging screaming gobshite.....;) either that or cut his bits off! (love you really Hughie!! lol)
In theory it should have taken us about 2 hours to get down to London, but in reality it took a great deal longer.... we spent hours driving round Wimbledon, searching desperately for the dirty travel lodge we were meant to be stopping in, and at about 5.30 ish we finally found it. The five of us (we had now been joined by my mate Cazza) got ready quickly....and headed off to meet Timbo at Morden Tube station.
From then on, things got nasty, drunken and nasty....
We went to a few (atrocious) pubs, and then went on to the club. Excellent..... brilliant music and atmosphere.... only problem was that a round for 6 of us cost about 20 nicker, but still, it was Shug’s birthday after all! We managed to get “regret” “true faith” and “LWTUA” played so all in all we were happy chappies!
Despite Shug’s insistence that he didn’t dance, he did a fucking good impression of someone who does! Anyone who hasn’t witnessed his Shaun Ryder impression is missing a treat!
His presence on the dance floor was noticed by a rather camp looking chappy..... who proceeded to try and chat our little Shug-ster up. rather than telling him to fuck off, he allowed this “numpty” to kiss him on the cheek.... fair do’s, we pissed ourselves, and everytime the fella came near, Shug was treated to whistles and chants and the cries of “here’s your fella mate” ...... bloody hilarious, totally!
Having said this, you will have to take mine and Annies and Cazza’s word for this, because unfortunately Malky missed the whole evening. About 10 mins after getting into the club, he fell asleep...... slept soundly (except for when Shug was punching him in the head and calling him a “big fucking jessie”).we have photographic evidence of this, including a rather fetching shot of me sticking my tongue in his ear while Shug kissed his head! (He’s going to kill us when he realises what we did to him!!)
Talking of dancing, Tim proved himself to be Ian Curtis incarnate, with is manic epileptic styleee moves and a rather impressive air guitar....
By 20 to 4 we were totally shagged out, danced out and fucking shitfaced....
When we finally managed to drag Shug off the dance floor we headed out into Leicester square to try and find a taxi....
having now woken up Malky went in pursuit of a taxi..... once inside the cab, we soon realised that the “taxi” Malky had found us probably wasn’t even a proper taxi but just a random fella with a rather large............car! We managed to get into the cab of the only London cabby with no sense of direction! It took about an hour to do a journey that should have taken about 20 mins... and then when we finally got to the dirty travel lodge, he ripped us off....... charming! lol
After a few more beers I finally passed out in the lads room! (was bored shitless by their footy talk!) and we all managed to get to our beds at about 6am....
next morning, us girls were up and about with much ease, but when we attempted to wake the lads it was a different matter. Shug no longer looked like Teddy Sherringham (with a touch of Ronan Keating thrown in for good measure) but bore a striking resemblance to Albert Steptoe....... you dirty old man! His eyes were like pissholes in the snow and Malky was looking little better.... bless ‘em!
After lunch we left Cazza and departed for Corby....
Shug’s constant whinging about needing a piss was again getting right on our tits so we ended up stopping in a pub for him to use the lav.......this resulted in the lads encouraging us to watch the footy with them.... so 2 hours later we set off again! Only to stop about 10 mins later because Shug needed a piss again.... (we actually have a fab picture taken in a photo booth in the service station, when i get it scanned I’ll show it to you all! But whats funnier is trying to fit 4 people in the booth.....)
We arrived in Corby and Shug and Malky wanted Annie and I to go to their local with them for a quick drink........ what a fucking dive!
“Shug”
“Yeah baby”
“Will you promise me something?”
“Yeah, sure thing hen”
“DON’T EVER FUCKING BRING ME HERE AGAIN”
One final cuppa and meeting Shug’s Mother (who must be a fucking saint having put up with him for 27 years!;)) Annie and I got on the road for Derby.....
Totally exhausted I got in the house at about 12.20am.....and quickly logged on to check my email..... only to be greeted by and even drunker Shug online....
“Alighfjt Missus, ,hows yousb” “you’re drunk” “No im notr, i jusdt cantr seeee the ketryboadr”
Giving up on the appalling typing he called me and we discussed the last two days events.....
All in all a fucking brilliant weekend, we laughed so hard i dont think our pants will ever be dry again.....severe sore throats and very bad jaw ache..... was had by all!
Re-match, Feb 9th...... now we know its not a competition but more of a joint concerted effort, all I can say is Derby better watch out!!!!!
Liv
xxx- For the Birthday Boy (You Dirty Old Man) xxx - For Malky ditto from Annie :)
Liv has said just about everything really! too much if you ask me
We have some great pictures (if they turn out) Major you will not be disappointed mate
Pictures to be posted very soon;)
