Just wrote this up...cause I try to write for a living. Maybe I'll make money off it, but I dunno. Anyway :p
A HANDY PERSONAL QUESTIONAIRE Trevor Seigler
Please answer the following questions with one of the four options listed below.
- Hello, how are you this fine morning/afternoon/evening?
a. Fine, thanks b. Um, who are you and why are you in my house? c. It's been hell since Sheila left with the kids, but I don't want to bore you with that. d. Again, who are you?
- Let's get started. How did you come across this questioaire?
a. I was surfing the net b. I was recommended to this by a friend c. Dude, you called *me* d. Questionaire? I thought this was an application for a home loan
- How is Sheila, by the way?
a. I've moved on b. She meant nothing to me!...I've been drunk since she left c. You should know, you cheating bastard d. Never heard of her
4.Things are off to a great start. Okay, if you had to choose an animal that represented you, and you had to choose between being an ant or an elephant, which would you choose and why?
a. The ant, because I've been stepped on all my life b. The elephant, because I am grossly overweight c. A monkey, because I throw my own dung at people d. Who made up this quiz?
- We're halfway there. How would you best describe yourself in terms of furniture?
a. I'm like a lamp, I light up the room b. I'm like a chair, everyone sits on me c. I'm like a chair, but I enjoy everyone sitting on me. I'm kinky d. I'm getting sick of this hypothetical crap
6.Patience, patience. What president would you have voted for, had you been alive at the time?
a. George Washington, because he was the first b. Abraham Lincoln, because he freed the slaves and saved the nation c. Warren G. Harding, because he never gets mentioned and I feel sorry for him d. Bill Clinton...wait, I was alive in '96! And I voted for him! Damn you for confusing me!
- The path of least resistance is always the easist to take. True or false?
a. True...duh! b. False, because you don't think about it as "the path of least resistance" but more like "the job that I'll get to pay the bills before my juggling career takes off" c. What did Sheila tell you? d. Because if she said what I think she said...
- Imagine you are a tree...
a. I'm leaving...get it? Leaving? Tree? b. You are annoying c. I'd be an oak...because that's the only one I know. d. I'd cut myself down just to see if I could hear myself fall
- Modesty does not become you. If you could prevent one tragic historical event from happening, what would it be?
a. The JFK assassination, because there's too many questions about who did what b. The Second World War, because that's all my father talked about when I was growing up c. The Titanic sinking, because that damn movie was everywhere back in the day d. My junior prom, 1975, Judy Dienst was supposed to be my date but spent the whole evening with you
- Here we are, at the end. Would you recommend this questionaire to others?
a. Yes, it was informative b. No, it's ten minutes of my time I'll never have back c. I suppose the kids are calling you "daddie" now... d. You and me, outside, by the dumpsters. No sissies allowed! Bring your war face!
