Got any Jokes?

One fine day Mr and Mrs Jaws are prowling along in the ocean together,and Flipper comes along and starts swimming directly beneath them..Jaws says to his Mrs"chuckle,watch this love" and shits directly on flippers head.Well, Mrs Jaws looks at him in disgust and says"you cunt Jaws...You did that on porpoise!"..Bwwwaaahaha

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.

Blow up boy goes into a blow up juvenile detention facility. One day, at lunch, he takes a fork and proceeds to stab the walls and the teachers and the pupils. All blow up of course.

Next day, the headmaster calls him into the office. He says "You've let you're teachers down, you've let the school down..."

One day, a father and his young son pull into their driveway and see two dogs "making love" on their front lawn. The father sees his son staring at the dogs with a bewildered face. The son then asks his dad: Dad, what are those dogs doing?

The father, panicked for a good answer, decides to sugar-coat the answer: Well son, they're making a puppy. The son looks at his dad and appears satisfied with this explanation. The father is relieved that he wouldn't have to go into greater detail.

A week later, the son walks into his parents' bedroom and catches the two parents in the middle of sex. When they realize the son is standing in the doorway, they freeze. The father asks his son if there was something he needed. The son responds: Dad, what are you and mom doing?

The father clears his throat and replies: Well son, your mom and I are making a baby.

The boy thinks for a second and replies: Dad, can you turn mom over? I'd rather have a puppy.

George W. Bush is the President of the United States of America

i phoned for a chinese takeaway last night and said "do you deliver" the chinese man replied "yes we do liver.also chicken, beef and prawns"

single mum goes down the social to collect her benefits, the lady behind the counter asks 'how many children do you have?'. '7'replies the young mum, 'what are they called?' inquires the lady behind the counter. 'wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne and wayne' says the young mum. 'isn't that difficult, with them all having the same name?'asks the lady Nah its easy, you want em all to come for there lunch, i just shout WAYNE!, they all come running, want em to go to bed i jsut shout WAYNE!, and they all go to there room.' 'how do you tell em apart?' asks the lady. 'Ah' replies the mum,'i just call em by there surname'

Boom Boom!

patrick stewart appreciation society wrote: single mum goes down the social to collect her benefits, the lady behind the counter asks 'how many children do you have?'. '7'replies the young mum, 'what are they called?' inquires the lady behind the counter. 'wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne,wayne and wayne' says the young mum. 'isn't that difficult, with them all having the same name?'asks the lady Nah its easy, you want em all to come for there lunch, i just shout WAYNE!, they all come running, want em to go to bed i jsut shout WAYNE!, and they all go to there room.' 'how do you tell em apart?' asks the lady. 'Ah' replies the mum,'i just call em by there surname'

Boom Boom!

I adopted my mama's maiden name

A cowboy in the old west was riding from town to town and accidentially fell off his horse and broke his leg. Luckily the horse came back and the old cowboy, desperate for help, whispered into his horse's ear (for this was a very intelligent horse, you see). Entrusted with his mission, the horse rode to the nearest town.

A night later, the cowboy was surprised to see the horse being ridden by a prostitute from the old saloon from the nearest town. But he decided that the horse knew what it was doing, and spent the night "gettin' busy" with the whore, who was very nice about his leg and careful not to injure him further.

In the morning, the horse took the prostitute back to town, and when he returned the cowboy took him aside. "I appreciate the thought," the cowboy said, "but I said 'bring me a posse..."

(I formally apologize for the questionable nature of the previous joke. It does not reflect the views and opinions of the Taboo #7 Corporation or its various affiliates)

a brain rolls into a bar and asks for a double gin and tonic,the barman says "im not serving YOU". "why not?" says the brain,"look at you,your already out of your head".

sigh (i know)

bansheeman wrote: i phoned for a chinese takeaway last night and said "do you deliver" the chinese man replied "yes we do liver.also chicken, beef and prawns"

This has got to be from the Tommy Cooper jokebook. If it's not here's one that is A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well i can clearly see you're nuts".

bLuE oRdEr wrote:

I just put a skylight in my room. The neighbors ustairs are pretty mad.

Three Legged dog bursts through the swing doors at the saloon,and says to the drinkers"i'm lookin for the man who shot ma Paw!"

Time for a tasteles joke.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

another tasteless one (pun)

Q. how do you know if you have a high sperm count A. if your missus has to chew before she swallows.

2 sperm are franticaly swimming towards the egg,when one says to the other "im fucking knackered how much further to the egg". to which the other sperm replies "weve got a long way to go yet m8,weve only just passed the tonsils."

Tasteless it is then....What do you call a man with no arms and legs, in a swimming pool?...Bob

mike powell wrote: another tasteless one (pun)

Q. how do you know if you have a high sperm count A. if your missus has to chew before she swallows.

2 sperm are franticaly swimming towards the egg,when one says to the other "im fucking knackered how much further to the egg". to which the other sperm replies "weve got a long way to go yet m8,weve only just passed the tonsils."

She never said anything to me about tasteless. And she would know.

tasteless it is then.

A little girl is sat near the edge of a cliff crying her eyes out, a man walks up to her 'whats the matter with you? he asks 'i think my mummy and daddy are dead' she replies 'whys that?'says the man 'we were walking along the edge of the cliff a gust of wind blew them off' says the little girl the guy walks over to the edge looks over the mum and dad are splattered all over the bottom of the cliff,blood everywhere. he walks back over to the girl, starts to undo his trousers, looks at her and says' not your lucky day today is it'

two strings walk into a bar and ask the bartender for drinks.

'sorry, we don't serve your kind in here,' says the bartender.

the strings go outside, put on sunglasses and fedoras and go back inside.

'hey, you're those two strings from before,' says the bartender. 'get out of here. i'd recognize you anywhere.'

down but not out, the two strings go back outside to formulate another plan. they wrap themselves around each other tight at one end and tease what's left of the ends of their strings.

they walk back into the bar. 'ok,' says the bartender. 'you can't fool me. you're the two strings from before.'

'nope.' the strings reply in unison. 'i'm a frayed knot.'