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chaos cloud heading to Earth

PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH! Monday September 12, 2005

By MIKE FOSTER

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!

Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.

"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.

"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."

Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.

"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.

"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.

"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.

"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.

"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."

To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.

"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.

Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.

"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."

But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.

"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.

Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.

"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.

But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.

"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.

"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.

"The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in."

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Send in Bruce Willis. He usually fix things like that.

:idea:

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Alright, now I'll get plenty of action! C'mon, ladies, nothing helps take your mind off the end of everything like helping a nerdy young man discover his "special purpose"...:evil4:

2014, eh?...that's what? 200 years away? :scratch:

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Time to run up those credit card bills, I guess.

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Ah..the world dies screaming, I kind of always knew this would happen, 9 years eh..plenty of time for at least 3 or 4 more NO best of compilations..:evil4:

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i'd trust the information a bit more if it wasn't under the YAHOO! ENTERTAINMENT! site in conjunction with the W33kly World News. a bit sketchy?

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We've got nine years, stuck on this rock... :singer:

I'm still planning on starting my sex cult pronto..."it is useless to worry about the end of times, my darlings. Be one with the Trevster, and I can die a happy man...I mean, we can experience a higher level of existence...yeah, existence." :evil4:

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yeah the address MOVIES.yahoo.com is a BIT of a giveaway.

If it's approaching at almost C....how'd they detect it ? :)

(if you're not a supergeek, imagine a plane at an airshow approaching at just under the speed of sound, you don't hear it until it's RIGHT on you)

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I'm sure Captain Kirk will think of something.

Right after he shags the sexy green-skinned bird...

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I feel like such a sucker...all day, I went around thinking "this could be the last time in nine years that I go to McDonalds, the last time in nine years that I sit on the toilet for three hours afterwards, the last time in nine years that I question the existence of a just and knowing God in the wake of what appears to be a super-juggernaut of a cloud that will destroy everything, the last time in nine years I get a BJ from the old toothy prospector"...:nervous:

Okay, that last part almost makes me wish a massive cloud would destroy all of us...:p

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let's face it, there's stranger and nastier shit out there that's for real.

  1. scientists have finally accepted that which is obvious to anyone who's ever had a bath....there's a hole at the middle of galaxies......so we're boned eventually no matter what.
  2. Look up gamma ray bursts ( there's a very good Horizon doco on them)....NOT NICE.

Besides....as for global warming.......BFD!....the planet's been covered ii ice to the equator before, and been so warm there were no icecaps. Worrying about global warming is just humanity worrying about it's own irrelevant little microscopic timescale. Besides, ma nature's not some dithering old dear, if we're the problem, she'll give us the chop :)

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Nothing on the BBC Sci-Tech news website, therefore it's not happenning...

:uhoh:

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Steve Campbell wrote: Besides....as for global warming.......BFD!....the planet's been covered ii ice to the equator before, and been so warm there were no icecaps. Worrying about global warming is just humanity worrying about it's own irrelevant little microscopic timescale. Besides, ma nature's not some dithering old dear, if we're the problem, she'll give us the chop :)

On our way to getting the chop.

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yea... these last nine years Taco Bell will meet its best customer yet... me :food:

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Steve Campbell wrote: yeah the address MOVIES.yahoo.com is a BIT of a giveaway.

If it's approaching at almost C....how'd they detect it ? :)

(if you're not a supergeek, imagine a plane at an airshow approaching at just under the speed of sound, you don't hear it until it's RIGHT on you)

very true. i've heard the 'armageddon' argument that if a meteor were heading towards earth we could simply destroy it with a nuclear weapon or move planets. five problems:

  1. it's travelling at such great speed that, as steve wrote, we wouldn't detect it until minutes, perhaps seconds before it 'dissolved' earth

  2. it's dark in space. our telescopes would need to see the object(s) reflecting light from the sun. even if they did, we return to point 1 and then on to point 3...

  3. all of the telescopes on earth are monitoring only a very small portion of the sky at any given time, so the chances of discovering anything coming towards us in space is virtually nil, no matter the size.

  4. moving to the andromeda galaxy, outrunning something that is travelling at virtually the speed of light. not possible, especially since it woud take us over 2 million years travelling at the speed of light to reach the andromeda galaxy.

5)yahoo's source is the weekly world news. screw the entire science bit (1-4).

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"Let's see: we're in 2005. $100 billions, until 2018, end of the world in 2014... uhmmmmmmmm... minus nine, goes four..."

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:rofl:

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"Let's see: we're in 2005. $100 billions, until 2018, end of the world in 2014... uhmmmmmmmm... minus nine, goes four..."

Where is your god now, Moses?.....:evil4:

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Wonder what movie they're trying to promote this time?

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