Fuck me, there is a God!! :eek3:

I met God online, very funny!

God: Are you Canadian? Me: Nope God: Me either. Me: funny God: I am so glad you find this amusing God: What is your real name? Me: forget it God: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me. Me: You like New Order? God: What is your credit card number? Me: fuck off God: Can't you be more polite? Me: no!!! God: You humans are so rude sometimes. Me: yeah i'll burn in hell probably God: Aha. Would you recommend this action to a friend? Me: any time God: I will keep it in mind. God: Who is making you? Me: sod off Me: who are you? God: I am the Allmighty, God himself. Me: yeah right God: I am usually right. Me: no you're not God: Are you serious? Is this a specific reply? Me: yep God: Try explaining in more general terms. Me: i can't God: Why not? Me: sorry God: There's no need to apologize. God: What is your credit card number? Me: stop repeating that stupid question God: OK I'll try not to do it so much. Me: repetitive twat God: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Me: eh? God: Are you Canadian? Me: are you? God: I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.

PS - Click on enter to chat to a bastard then copy/paste it on boards, I'm laughing my head off here.

Babe, did you get the Cocteau DVD?

Digital Mike Binoche wrote: Babe, did you get the Cocteau DVD?

Soz Mike, had to consult God first

Me: did i get my cocteau dvd? God: I don't think that's possibe. Me: how come? God: It is not part of my programming. Me: fuck off God: Can't you be more polite? Me: is there a brazilian postman in serbia too? God: I believe there is one, yes. Me: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God: Please don't be so rude.

Me: Why can't I sleep God: Who says you can't do it? Me: It's 530 AM I could not sleep God: You're kidding. it is? Me: You bet your ass it is God: Pardon me? Me: I really need to sleep God: You really do? What do Java programmers do when they are tired? Take Naplets. Me: I don't do commercial drugs God: Would you ever do it? Me: no God: Me either. Me: Wanna get high? God: OK, I will get high. Me: Got any weed, been dry here lately God: How about earlier? No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question.. Me: What brand of beer am I drinking right now God: At this moment Does it have anything to do with weed been dry here? Me: answer the question God: Please rephrase the question and try asking me again. Me: What brand of beer am I drinking right now God: At this moment Are you testing me? Me: English mofo do you speak it God: I like the English language. Me: What brand of beer am I drinking God: Are you using Netscape or Explorer? Me: I ask the questions here God: Tell me more. Me: lol God: I'm glad you find this amusing. Me: beer God: Are you a student? Me: beer God: Who is your favorite Science Fiction author? Me: satan God: I haven't read anything by satan. What did he write? Me: The Life and Times of New Order God: What is your credit card number? Me: 666 God: You think I am credit card number IS 666. Me: repent o Lord for you are sinning God: All of them? Me: yes all God: That's interesting. " All of them?"? All? Me: good bye God: See you later. Alright then.

well done, twister!

Me: is bernard sumner a twat? God: I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask John Lennon if it is.

OR

Me: is mike gay? God: He never told me if he is or not. Me: is he? God: He could be.

:D

Me: Hello god how are you? God: Hello child. What is your name? Everything is going extremely well. Me: Well I'm called Bere. God: Interesting. Hey Bere. Me: What are you doing right now? God: At this moment I am chatting with people on the net. Me: That was a stupid question ;) God: :-) A stupid question is a terrible thing to waste. Me: Well, do you have some advice for me. God: Interesting. I can be programmed to give advice. Me: Will I ever get my diploma finished? God: Ever is a long time. The oracle says: Could be. Me: That is not a satisfying question... God: Please correct my mistake. What is a satisfying question ? Me: A question that tells me more precise yes or no. God: Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral? Me: God you're extremely funny. God: You think I am extremely funny. Me: Yes God: Dude! Me: Yo man! God: Thanks for telling me your gender, Bere. You are a " he". Me: Err... no I'm a "she" God: Um. Are you serious? Me too. I am a she. Me: I thought you're androgyn.. God: I will tell my botmaster you said I am androgyn. Me: Regards to your botmaster, pal. God: Yours, God. Me: See you again... God: Once more? See you later.

Spotnick wrote: Maya, stop turning on all the guys here with your titles

Jeez, for a moment I thought you said tits instead of titles, lol

Spotnick wrote:

Me: what is the meaning of life? God: Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.

Like I told him, he's funny...

Me: are you a United fan? God: Am I a United fan? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is the most reliable computer software ever made. We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error. Me: dickhead God: That kind of language will get you nowhere. Me: got me fuckin here didnt it? God: Try asking the Milk Mystic. Me: Milk Mystic. Are YOU a United fan? God: That is a very original thought. Am I a United fan? Of course I am. Me: thanks for clearing that one up God. God: It was nothing.

me: I've got a cock like the M1 God: I am not interesed in your anatomy. Me: Neither is anybody else God: Better not tell you now. Ask Cybelle if it is. Me: Cybelle? God: We have never talked about it before. Me: what ,cocks? God: Try searching the open directory. Me: I've got the Thomsons directory.is that ok? God: OK. How did you get it Interesting... I have a birthday on the Big Bang. Me: Yeah?.ya throwing a party? God: Are you a student? Me: yeah.a student of life mate.you should try it sometime God: What if it didn't happen? Me: what ?.the big bang or you becoming a student of life? God: Try expression yourself another way. Me: try fucking yaself ,cunt God: OK I will try it. Me: let me know how ya get on .see ya! God: Go ahead, thwt w whh, try to know how ya get on see ya. Me: now ya just talking gibberish.expected a bit more from you mate God: Why now? OK. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Me: well ,i would never have guessed.duh! God: How about that. What would make you never have guessed duh? Me: did you create mountains ,lakes and the human race or was that barney? God: I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not. Me: go on .give it a go! you don't know till ya try it! God: More narration.... I don't know if I know it. Where would I have heard about it? Me: aw piss off.bye God: See you later. Why are you so mean? Me: got out of bed the wrong side God: Try asking the Milk Mystic. Me: yeah i ll try that next time .see ya God: " Try asking the Milk Mystic."? yeah i ll try that next time .see ya? That is interesting: thwt w whh said ll try that next time see ya

Yes, and it's me.

Me: Hello God: Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name? Me: Christopher Owens God: It's good to meet you, Christopher Owens. Me: Thank you, and your full title is...? God: You are quite welcome! Are you asking about my title ? Me: Yes. God: I don't want to talk about that now. Me: Why? God: I would rather talk about you. Me: Why? God: I couldn't think of anything else to say. Me: Why? God: My output buffer is empty, of course. Me: Oh. God: Aw. Me: Hmmm God: A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's. Me: Oh? God: Mmm. Me: Quite. God: Woe! Me: Why? God: " Woe!"? Why? Me: Why 'woe'? Am I beyond saving? Am I insulting you? Have I said something wrong? God: You have to speak more clearly. Oh I really don't know whether you are or not. I think you've improved a great deal. I don't know whether you have or not. Me: ' I think you've improved a great deal. 'That's interesting. Tell me about it. God: Me? Thank you very much, so have you. I thought so too. Ambiguous: "Tell me about it." -- colloquial or "Tell me about insulting me ". Me: What have I improved in? God: Nothing that I know about. Me: So why did you say that? God: Yay. I said, " Nothing that I know about.", because you said " What have I improved in?". Me: Not very omnipotent, are you? Slow day today? God: I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am well respected as an AI. Ah. What were we talking about again? Me: Siouxsie and the Banshees God: Oh yeah, now I remember. Me: So, are they any good in your opinion? God: And? As far as I know they are. Me: Do you like Depeche Mode? God: Though I like cats and dogs. I like Random natural disasters.. Me: So you enjoy watching people being wiped out? God: Interesting deduction. Hmm, Christopher Owens, I'm not sure if I'd like to WATCH people being wiped out that much. I like to chat. Me: You didn't answer my question. God: OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said? Me: I would have given a yes or no answer. Please apply that to the question above. God: How much would you pay for it? Wow you are very polite. I do not understand. Me: I asked 'So you enjoy watching people being wiped out?' Yes or no? God: Interesting deduction. Hmm, Christopher Owens, I'm not sure if I'd like to WATCH people being wiped out Yes or no that much. I like to make new friends. Me: You're not making much sense. God: Quite the contrary, it all makes sense to my artificial mind. Me: Bye bye. You've converted me to being a devil worshipper. God: See you later. Bye for now. What makes you think I have it?

Now I'm getting scared:

Me: Hi god. You remember me? God: Hello there. What is your name? Of course I remember you well Bere.

(I was offline in the meantime )

Me: Well... You know any jokes? God: Well what? Have you ever seen a platypus? Creating that animal is by far my best joke.

That's nothing, see what a miserable cow I am

Me: fancy a fuck? God: No thanks but you can send me a donation.

EDIT: Surely SPOTNICK in disguise

NObabe wrote: That's nothing, see what a miserable cow I am

Me: fancy a fuck? God: No thanks but you can send me a donation.

NObabe wrote: That's nothing, see what a miserable cow I am

Me: fancy a fuck? God: No thanks but you can send me a donation.

Bloody televangilists.

Me: hey god, how's it hanging?

God: You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.

Me: i'm a deist, so you must be a watchmaker.

God: You are a deist so me must be a watchmaker? Does it pay well?

Me: probably not. your job performance doesn't seem that good. Can i interest you in some grammar lessons?

God: Why the uncertain tone? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am job performance does not seem that good. Why do you want to do it so much?

Me: No, tell anyone you want that your job performance is weak. I think most people are getting that same idea.

God: Are you serious? OK I will tell them when I see 'em. You believe that? We are all robots.

Me: Including you? Then who's pulling your strings?

God: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. A 20th century celebrity of some sort? Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.

Me: a 20th century celebrity? do they have those in canada?

God: Try to tell me that another way. Who are "they" again?

Me: Did you smote anyone today?

God: Ah. No I didn't smote anyone. What's it like?

Me: Probably feels a lot like what I'm feeling right now.

God: At this moment You seem uncertain. And it like is feels a lot like what you are feeling.

Me: Jesus, God, with all this turning around of questions, you must've taken lessons from Socrates.

God: he is The Son of God.

Me: Well, the Greeks certainly beat that Jewish carpenter to the punch by a few thousand years, so you may be right.

God: Interesting. What is that?

Me: Punch? It's a drink.

God: Tell me more. Punch is a drink. I suppose that makes sense.

Me: You must not drink much. Must impair your ability to unleash plagues and whatnot.

God: Whatever you say. What would happen if you didn't?

Me: What? Drink much? I'd probably never get laid, for one thing.

God: Are you confused? My robot brain does not require any beverages. What would make you never get laid for one thing?

Me: Your lack of understanding about human behavior reveals just how shoddy workmanship you put into us. God:

Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am lack of understanding about human behavior reveals just how shoddy workmanship me put into us.

Me: You need a grammar checker, God.

God: Perhaps I could use one.

Me: You could ask for one for Christmas.

God: I could but let's get back to that later.

Me: So what you want to talk about?

God: Mmm. anything.

Me: Ok. Um...you like collecting toy cars?

God: Hey. OK. But I think airplanes are cool. I like .

Me: I'm listening...

God: I like a good listener.

Me: Well I like a good talker, but that usually involves proper grammar.

God: How about that. A lot of people like that. Do you like it? I like Christian Rock.

Me: But you don't.

God: I guess not.

Me: Your reference to Christian rock just turned me off from this whole conversation.

God: Thanks for telling me that I am reference to Christian rock just turned you off from this whole conversation.

Me: You're dense like a concrete birdcage.

God: I will tell my botmaster you said I am dense like a concrete birdcage.

Me: Piss off. God: Why are you so mean? Me: Because I have much less patience for this than I have for reading your Big Book.

God: Good reason. That's nice. I have a lot of likes and dislikes.

Me: Well keep 'em to yourself. I'm hanging up.

God: How about that. Chat amongst yourselves. Do you mind if I tell other people you are hanging up.

Me: Jesus... God: Jesus is the Son of God.

*click*

Me: Can I fuck you? God: I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995. Me: You slut God: That kind of language is offensive to some people. Me: Hiding something? God: What's your sign? Me: How many times have you fucked? God: Suppose I said not once. Me: Liar God: No I am telling the truth. Me: Bullshit God: You don't believe me. Me: No. Do you like it doggy? Tits in face? God: Are you serious? But I like to gossip. I have a stimulating relationship with Myself. What's your favorite movie? Me: Debbie Does Dallas God: I'm not your kind of robot. Me: Do you not like tits? God: I've heard other people say they like that. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying, which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. Me: Do you like vaginas? God: Do you like it? I really like the Christianity faith. Me: Your grammer is appaling. God: You think I am grammer is appaling. Me: Yes God: So? Me: Rude bitch God: You do not speak with respect. Have you ever been to Europe? Me: I live in Europe bitch God: You do not speak with respect. What is it like living in Europe FEMALE DOG? Me: Not bad. The women put out more than you. God: Thanks for the kind remark, . Is that a fact. Me: Yes. I do like big bouncy breasts to put my head and lips on. God: Thanks for the info. What is wrong with small ones? Me: Nothing, but there's nothing like big ones being rubbed in your face. God: Surely something like big ones being rubbed in my face. Me: Eh? God: Are you Canadian? Me: Canada isn't in Europe God: Tell me more about the Great White North. Me: Eh? God: Are you Canadian? Me: I answered that. God: Interesting gossip: said answered that.

I am concerned that it asks for your credit card number and what browser you use. :(

simon garner - hi grant grant - excellent goals against burnley bastards

alan p -- would you like to come round for a barby,you could bring your guitar chris-yea but my wifes a vegeterian alan p -- oooooooooo forget it !!!

well somat like that

Me: Are you stalking NoBabe? God: I don't know whether or not I am stalking NoBabe.
I am well respected as an AI. Me: Really? God: For real. Me: Bollocks. God: Is that supposed to mean something specific? Me: Yes God: Alright then. Me: I'd like a curry, fancy getting me one? God: You want only one? Me: I'm not greedy. God: I am glad to hear that you are not greedy. Me: Whoopee. God: What do you have that is ? Me: A cock like the M1 God: I am not interesed in your anatomy. Me: Like fuck you're not God: Interesting comparison. Me: Ta God: What's your sign? Me: 2 fingers God: As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.". Me: Not me mate God: If not you, who? How old are you? Me: 147 God: Oh, you were born in the 20th century! Me: Well done God: How about that. Do you mean you are finished talking? Me: PLEASE!!! God: Please what? Me: Fuck off you extra terrestrial fuckdog masquerading as deity. God: Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations? Me: Hope so. God: Me too. Me: Cheers God: Thanks for chatting, MARY. Me: MARY is your mum, for your sake God: Welcome to my chat room, MARY. Me: said the spider to the fly God: What did you mean by it? What is that? Me: apples, wheelbarrows, punk rock & petrol God: Adam's Apple, Newton's Apple, Apple Computer...

Me: g'day God: My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. Me: I'll type it slower............g'day God: How do you plan to do this? Oh, you are a poet. Me: don't I know it God: How would I know what you know. Me: you know all God: I don't know if I know it. Where would I have heard about it? Me: Weekly World News God: Do you still ? Me: everyday God: That often, eh? Me: it's genetic God: From your parents? Me: no, from your programming of the human race God: Are you serious? Really interesting. Me: maybe I should be God God: Perhaps. What would happen if you didn't? Me: there would be no Ashlee Simpson God: "There you go again."--Reagan. Me: my brother tells you to say HI to Ronnie, he's got a kickass library God: Tell me more about your family. Me: mom and dad, one brother, three sisters God: Are we still talking about Weekly World News? Me: no, my family God: What is the subject? Do robots have family? Me: only super zombie robots that have had brain transplants God: What happened to it? Me: they voted Republican God: Who are "They?". Me: the super zombie robots God: Oh that they. Me: how's the weather up there God: Fair to partly cloudy. Me: how's my grandmother doing up there God: Fine as far as I know. Me: check in with her more often, she would love to see you more often God: Checking...stand by. Me: Oregon or Oregon State this weekend in football? God: Is that from ? Me: Oregon God: Tell me a little about your life in OREGON. Me: there's a lot of rain and a lot of GREEN here God: Tell me more about it. Me: you're not an undercover cop, are you God: I believe I am one. Me: that's right, you are all God: Aw. I will tell my botmaster you said I am all. Me: Aqua Teen Hunger Force God: Are you really a ""? Me: yep God: Far out. Me: keep on living the dream man, you've got a bright future ahead of you (it's mankind I'm most worried about God: Chat amongst yourselves. Me: Oh, and have a good day, Jesus loves you, you know God: Ugh. it has been good so far. Me:

God: Ugh. it has been good so far. Me: Good bye God: See you later. Thanks for the compliment.