Joke
Archived48 replies · 959 views
Scouser? Why i oughta...
I'm from Bolton but that's probably worse.
Why did the Baker have brown fingers?
Cos he kneaded a pooh.
(Sorry)
Two muffins are in an oven. One says to the other, "Whew. It's hot in here," and the other gasps and says, "OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Two blokes walking down a street.See a dog on his back legs,stood up with his paws against a wall..having a piss!
"Look at that!That's amazing! Wonder how long he's been doing that?" "Ever since the wall fell on him."
Two blondes walking along a beach looking at the moon. the first one goes which is closer the moon or perth? The other answers silly you can you see perth from here.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
"mummy mummy,will they be celebrating christmas in vietnam this year"?.
"i dont think so darling,but they will be hanging glitter this year".
an essex girl is driving on the M11 when her boyfriend phones her mobile. he says 'listen honey be careful driving on M11, because its just been on the radio that a car is driving wrong way !!!.
she replied ' its worse than just one car,there's fucking hundreds of them ' 
What's brown and sticky?
a Stick
Why do blondes become confused in the bog?
Not used to takin their own knickers down.
Why are all Irish jokes so bloody stupid?
So the English can get 'em.
:)
BTW the gary glitter joke's a blinder.
Why are women like hurricanes?
Because at first they are wet and wild but when they leave they take the house and the car with them.
You brought babies up, not me :)
What's the difference between a lorry load of jam and a lorry load of babies?
You can't unload jam with a pitchfork
EDIT (woulda been funnier if I'd not written "ham" not "jam " originally) DOH
Did you hear about the guy who got his sleeping pills mixed up with viagra?
He had to go home and have 40 wanks.
They've started selling viagra eye drops to spides in Belfast.
The do nothing for your sex life, but they make you look hard.
WHat's black and white and red all over? A nun with stabwounds
What's small, red and can't go round tiight corners? ....a baby with a javelin through it's head.
How do you get 45 BSP fans in a microwave? you can't but it's certainly worth working on.
What's pink and hard? Pig with a flickknife
Why do women wear make up and perfume? Cos's they're ugly and they smell.
And now a joke, that not only do I not find even slightly funny, but that I stopped someone telling on radio by the skin of my teeth (instead he told the one above) ..... This is not nice, I'm warning you. And it's really not funny.
actually, no I can't
I can't do it, it's fucking FOUL ( and this from the guy who posted the above)
Especially I can't tell it where females are around.
Disgusting:pAh well here goes my account here, or at very least anyone (especially the women) speaking to me ever again.
What's black and blue and hates sex?
A rape victim.
told you NOT funny.
Dya like fruit love? well suck my cock it's a peach.
Erm i suppose you must be a gentleman then. Bugger.
Here's another...
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah... so sorry, my mistake" says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
Well I do TRY to be a gent, dying breeds always interest me :)
(and how come "bugger"? is it really true, do women only dig jerks? is being a gent the reason I get more mates than minge from the female of the species?)
But I dunno, I just don't think that gag is very funny, which is odd, cos I will gladly tell dead baby(inc cott death), starving child, kiddie fiddler, religious, and violent death gags without a blush.
in all my life that's the only gag i thought was too far ( or at least the only one of them I remember), can you imagine if i'd let the guy tell it on the radio?
Why? Are you a radio presenter or something?
That would be quite funny, i still remember when some kid rang a Saturday morning kids programme and called Matt Bianco twats!!
I love it when people slip in naughty words!
It was a college radio thing I did for a few months a long time ago. Good laugh so it was. I did something like 60 hours live and kept a clean mouth. Was sitting in on the very last show on the station and basically just yelled FUCK really loudly . Why not eh :)
We were not allowed to use the phones cos we didn't have the delay loop working. But we used them anyway and just prayed we didn't get screwed (my show was 4pm to 6pm)
So, what's up yer bum about gentlemen? I've come to the conclusion that women never find men they like attractive, because they'd have to dump em one day, and that's so hard to do if you actually like them, much better if it's just a big fat life support for a cock you're dating :)
