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Waiting for a solid turd

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My house has turned into Bedlam. First my youngest daughter and I got walking pneumonia (sp fuck off) then my wife turned deathly ill. I have been coughing nonstop since Wednesday. It's at its worst when I attempt to sleep. The entire family fell asleep during the 90 car ride home from my mother's house, hell, I almost did. My ass has been emitting a bile brown liquid mess. I've wiped my ass so much it hurts. It feels like a golf tee or a thump tack is shoved up it. It hurts to sit. I am afraid to fart. Somebody nuke my house now.

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ummm... good luck to you?:shrug:

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Do: Germolene or anything else with a local numby thing. Loads of Nightnurse (capsules are better cos they don't get u pissed) Don't: anything stronger than a tikka. Take up smoking French tabs.

Whole family at once sucks. Any member of mine comes home diseased i lock myself away from them.

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That is quite possibly the best thread title I've ever encountered in four-and-a-half years of posting here :evil4:

That said, my condolences. It's that time of the year for all sorts of shit. I meant that figuratively :nervous:

Yesterday, after two seperate spells in the behind-the-shelf milk cooler, I felt all stuffed up. Of course, I had been in the cooler for thirty minutes each, I guess that might've had something to do with it. I predict I'll be sick as a dog by next week if not sooner :thumb:

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twist wrote: My house has turned into Bedlam. First my youngest daughter and I got walking pneumonia (sp fuck off) then my wife turned deathly ill. I have been coughing nonstop since Wednesday. It's at its worst when I attempt to sleep. The entire family fell asleep during the 90 car ride home from my mother's house, hell, I almost did. My ass has been emitting a bile brown liquid mess. I've wiped my ass so much it hurts. It feels like a golf tee or a thump tack is shoved up it. It hurts to sit. I am afraid to fart. Somebody nuke my house now.

Been there many times. No fun at all.

God luck!

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twist wrote: My house has turned into Bedlam. First my youngest daughter and I got walking pneumonia (sp fuck off) then my wife turned deathly ill. I have been coughing nonstop since Wednesday. It's at its worst when I attempt to sleep. The entire family fell asleep during the 90 car ride home from my mother's house, hell, I almost did. My ass has been emitting a bile brown liquid mess. I've wiped my ass so much it hurts. It feels like a golf tee or a thump tack is shoved up it. It hurts to sit. I am afraid to fart. Somebody nuke my house now.

Been there many times. No fun at all.

Good luck!

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two words (or one hyphenated word):

ALL-BRAN

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nothing like a good crap once or twice a day, ok maybe one thing is better.

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