The universe: bastard or what

I offer the following as an openning gambit..... The fact that I get up today feeling for all the world like someone made a real mess of trying to cut my scrote off wth a rusty hacksaw during the night. You know the sort of pain where movement of basically any kind hurts? (like I can FEEL myself typing thisjust from the changes in balance of my wrists moving)...where you kind of Roll out of bed still curled up in whatever shape you were sleeping in and spend the fisrt 10 mins of the day doing an excellent impression of one of those "ascent of man" diagrams ...that's me now. Perhaps Miss Chapman with her mangled back knows this one.

So what is it THIS morning that my lighter rolls under my huge heavy chair. Bending AND lifting=screaming....not to mention the bare fact of getting up and sitting down...so I sit down and the mouse falls on the floor. this went on for about 10 mins of me knocking things over and hurting myself picking them up. Then I got comfy, then had to go for a piss (that's one part of my daily life that's too gruesome to discuss just now). Got comfy again.....now my arse is numb, and even the shifting of weight to stop that is gonna take 5 mins and little blasts of pain induced tourettes.

There are a billion examples of how the universe likes to torture us. The "other queue" syndrome, the keys that aren't there, until you destroy everything looking for them, when the reappear where they should have been, bank holiday weather, Paris Hilton and so on.

My wits are not exactly their usualy rapier selves just now, I'm sure funnier examples will occur to me, just need some nool-spiration.

Steve Campbell wrote: I offer the following as an openning gambit..... The fact that I get up today feeling for all the world like someone made a real mess of trying to cut my scrote off wth a rusty hacksaw during the night. You know the sort of pain where movement of basically any kind hurts? (like I can FEEL myself typing thisjust from the changes in balance of my wrists moving)...where you kind of Roll out of bed still curled up in whatever shape you were sleeping in and spend the fisrt 10 mins of the day doing an excellent impression of one of those "ascent of man" diagrams ...that's me now. Perhaps Miss Chapman with her mangled back knows this one.

So what is it THIS morning that my lighter rolls under my huge heavy chair. Bending AND lifting=screaming....not to mention the bare fact of getting up and sitting down...so I sit down and the mouse falls on the floor. this went on for about 10 mins of me knocking things over and hurting myself picking them up. Then I got comfy, then had to go for a piss (that's one part of my daily life that's too gruesome to discuss just now). Got comfy again.....now my arse is numb, and even the shifting of weight to stop that is gonna take 5 mins and little blasts of pain induced tourettes.

There are a billion examples of how the universe likes to torture us. The "other queue" syndrome, the keys that aren't there, until you destroy everything looking for them, when the reappear where they should have been, bank holiday weather, Paris Hilton and so on.

My wits are not exactly their usualy rapier selves just now, I'm sure funnier examples will occur to me, just need some nool-spiration.

:( Think we'll all be coming out in sympathy pains with you Steve!

Like being so broke you can't even afford a newspaper, then a cheque arrives for 5 grand, and you have to wait 5 days for it to clear:D

Like getting a new dream job and being as high as kite-then on your way home your car breaks down and costs you 400 quid to get it fixed:(

DREAM Job-you are having a LAUGH! Steve -when and for how long have you just slept.You seemed to have been here since 15th NOVEMBER.Please can you keep a thread spare and post in it when you are ASLEEP.Regards Rocket Mick-concerned for your state of health! DR KILLED HER

Morning Bonzette,short of Jemma showing up to say she spent last night in the cells for extreme daftness in a public place, you;re the nicest site i coulda had this mornin.

Like running home with a new game only to find out that.... It was on dvd, and the DVD drive's on the other machne so you have to buy a new DVD drive, then more memoery too cos the fooker wont run....29.99 turns into 2 weeks harrassment and 129.99 (battlefield 2 BTW)

Buying a happy mondays peel session in Belfast...getting home and finding out the tape was twisted and played backwards....tapr £1.50..replacement train journey...£4.50.

anything that says "new easy open" (other than maya's....no no no I will not stoop to picking on that poor sweet girl)

Rocket Mick wrote: DREAM Job-you are having a LAUGH! Steve -when and for how long have you just slept.You seemed to have been here since 15th NOVEMBER.Please can you keep a thread spare and post in it when you are ASLEEP.Regards Rocket Mick-concerned for your state of health! DR KILLED HER

'Sake MICk, that made me laugh so hard it hurts.

2.5 hours...went to bed 4 ish up at 630 ish too sore to sleep. I think Sherlock holmes would not be too taxed figuring out the date nov 15th and why my current non stop bout of final gibbering mental wreck status began that day. You;ve seen them HOW many time (the ROCKET slowly begins to mkae sense to me...pass the cyanide)

Any wonder I talk bollox tho?

If I ever get chatting to Bernard now I will have something to ask him other than "how can someone as clearly talented as you be such a glipe". I can ask him about his "lyric aerial" (remember that?) and whether it's been updated with a web interface.

Shockingly enough....today feels like the day when I may have to leave you. Things are getting worse instead of better and there may come a time when the chair induced discomfort is no longer adequately offset by the boredom-busting powers of you fruitcakes. I'll be back if I do vanish, so no "hey it's safe to come out cuntface is gone" threads. I'm thinking.....stretch the KVM cables...and stick the browser on the tv at 800x600, but i'd go mousemad.

I'm sure there was something important I wanted to say....gone now into the trammadol mists...... ahhhh that's it fear not for my health dear chums.....not gonna die, not gonna suffer any full time injury (unless it coms to surgery and they get a little careless). I WILL be fnie.....go worry about people who wont get better. All you need to do is nod and look sympathetic when I'm pulling my hair out screaming "shoot me it hurts" and I'm content :D

Steve Campbell wrote:

Rocket Mick wrote: DREAM Job-you are having a LAUGH! Steve -when and for how long have you just slept.You seemed to have been here since 15th NOVEMBER.Please can you keep a thread spare and post in it when you are ASLEEP.Regards Rocket Mick-concerned for your state of health! DR KILLED HER

'Sake MICk, that made me laugh so hard it hurts.

2.5 hours...went to bed 4 ish up at 630 ish too sore to sleep. I think Sherlock holmes would not be too taxed figuring out the date nov 15th and why my current non stop bout of final gibbering mental wreck status began that day. You;ve seen them HOW many time (the ROCKET slowly begins to mkae sense to me...pass the cyanide)

Any wonder I talk bollox tho?

If I ever get chatting to Bernard now I will have something to ask him other than "how can someone as clearly talented as you be such a glipe". I can ask him about his "lyric aerial" (remember that?) and whether it's been updated with a web interface.

Shockingly enough....today feels like the day when I may have to leave you. Things are getting worse instead of better and there may come a time when the chair induced discomfort is no longer adequately offset by the boredom-busting powers of you fruitcakes. I'll be back if I do vanish, so no "hey it's safe to come out cuntface is gone" threads. I'm thinking.....stretch the KVM cables...and stick the browser on the tv at 800x600, but i'd go mousemad.

I'm sure there was something important I wanted to say....gone now into the trammadol mists...... ahhhh that's it fear not for my health dear chums.....not gonna die, not gonna suffer any full time injury (unless it coms to surgery and they get a little careless). I WILL be fnie.....go worry about people who wont get better. All you need to do is nod and look sympathetic when I'm pulling my hair out screaming "shoot me it hurts" and I'm content :D

Oooooh Steve, i really feel for you. Fear not though, Barney's Angels will guard your space, and integrity on NOOL, should there be any danger of you going absent to mend you health, scream in pain, or perhaps get some sleep one day in the not too distant future! We got your back!

Ladies and Gentleman...... STEVE CAMPBELL has left the BEDROOM....i repeat.....:D

It's worse than that the level of PK's in me has reach a point where sitting is good...moving still sucks VERy badly. SO...Here To Stay.

And it aint me bedroom it's me sitting room. I have the coolest arrangement, basically a 2 room flat in a building shared with ma and bro. MY place, MY space.....but never to far to go to blag a meal. I did do my own washing too but I was forbidden in the end...I'm not sure if there was any reason to it other than just a territorial female.

Like I said I know I howl about how sore I am. but in the grand scheme of things, I'm perfectly OK, cos one day this will go away, even if it means cutting steaks outta me. You wanna save your sympathy for those who aren't gonna come out of what ails them.

ANYway....now that I'm feeling better. Mick yer a cunt :D Bonzette what ya doin tonight babes :D

ahhhh "I'm Back"

EDIT: seems I should have voted for "only picks on campbell"...i'm getting not a lot of suport for my wonderful theory....no one else feels persecuted by reailty?

(hmmm maybe i SHOULD see about those happy pills after all :D )

Steve Campbell wrote: ahhhh "I'm Back"

For a given value of 'Back' of course.

Which means that the answer to your poser has to be 42!

You lose all your keys and have to have a complete new ste cut.Expensive.Then you find your old set.

Still , at least you have a spare set now

Johnny wrote: You lose all your keys and have to have a complete new ste cut.Expensive.Then you find your old set.

Still , at least you have a spare set now

Then you also find the spare set you had cut LAST TIME! (or is that just me?)

Bizarrely enough I don't lose my keys...cos they live in the coat. However the experiences you both descrive can easily be applied not to acces keys being cut....but in my case fucking hex/allen keys..ARGH see trying to keep the right ones for the bass!??!?!? buy set, lose one of the 3 I need for the bass. buy set lose another and so on, and always finding the old ones after.....because scattty fuckwitt as I am even I don;t chuck tools...I have fucking drawers full of NBK's (nons bass keys)...drawers of them and if i need a hex key for anything Other than bassie...i find that that precise size has legged it to visit it's bass-serving cousins.

It's also fucking annoying when you're trying to come up with a clever sig...the only way too see if it's wrong is to post....then when you have it ONE character away from perfectyion and you go to edit it one more time, your browser for NO REASON loads the original first unedited version from cash, which you don;t notice, tweak and save. Fucker better be right now!

EDIT: SCORE! maybe a real sig whore block, but against my usual post size it will look perfect in proportion.

Incidents happen.

happening is certainly the primary goal of an incident yes,i mean if an incident doesn't get to happen it's no kind of an incident at all. it's mother will cry, why couldn't it be more like it's sibling, the neighbours will talk and it will grow old and unhappening forever talked about only by groups of exceptionally strange people, chiefly American, who will hold conventions and write expensive books about it. Yes sir, no kind of an incident at all.

Not like you to chuck in a sane one Twist, even FOR comic effect..u OK?

BTW, while the happening of incidents is very much a laid out career path for them. The occurrence of excrement is only one job option as excrement can perform many functions beyond occuring.

Like the new signature Steve. Very classy.

You Need He-man to sort all your problems out he's Master of the universe after all.